Film Friday :: 2017 in film

First off, we have already seen The Last Jedi. We saw it opening night. We’ve just been waiting to write about it because A) we’ve been crazy-busy, B) we want to go see it again to pick up more before we write, and C) we figured it would be nice to let the spoilers die down a little. But I will talk about some things about it.

So!

Best Times At The Movies This Year

4. Star Wars: The Last Jedi
So yes, we’re in the camp that quite loved this movie. And our first night crowd was great! They laughed at all the right parts. It was a stressful time that also involved tears and emotions, but it was good and important.

3. Thor: Ragnarok
Good grief. Drift partner and I loved this damn movie, as evidence by the fact that we went to see it a second time in celebration of our anniversary earlier this month. Hela (Cate Blanchett) is a brilliant villain, Valkyrie (Tessa Thompson) is the bisexual warrior goddess icon we all need, Thor (Chris Hemsworth) is a big golden retriever memelord, Bruce (Mark Ruffalo) is a good buddy who needs protected, Heimdall (Idris Elba) is our lord and savior. Etcetera.

2. Wonder Woman
This is cinematic gold. This movie was such a relief and such a celebration. Diana (Gal Gadot) is the other bisexual warrior goddess icon we need and also Etta (Lucy Davis) is absolutely everything.

1. The Fate of the Furious
Admittedly two of the best times we’ve had at the movies involved being able to drink during, but that’s a coincidence. This is a beautiful garbage movie full of a beautiful garbage family and the stupidest most wonderful nonsense ever, and I’m so glad of it.

Biggest Emotion-Grabbers

(Emotions other than intense happiness, since that was covered above.)

4. The Shape of Water
This movie, as we said last weekend, is flipping weird, but it’s beautiful and quiet and touching and just… lovely. It might not be for everyone, but it’s lovely.

3. Professor Marston and the Wonder Women
For joy but also heartwrenching…ness both because it’s inspiring to watch Wonder Woman come to be and because a movie about bisexual polyamory that’s not only committed and tender and loving and emotionally intense but real is something that never happens and should always.

2. Get Out
This emotion, on the other hand, is some cross between anxiety, dread, and disgust at the world. This is such a fascinating movie, and while I don’t feel it’s my place to get into all of the details I feel it is my place to say it’s expertly done.

1. Hidden Figures
This emotion is pride, mostly. I am proud of these real people and the people who made this and the fact that this is a story we can tell and that it’s true and that it just rocks. Also Janelle Monae, Taraji P. Henson, and Octavia Spencer are goddesses.

Some Standout Ladies

10. All of the women of Star Wars
Leia (Carrie Fisher) always. Bless you space mom, thank you for sending us your bees and love. Rey (Daisy Ridley) always. We love our daughter. Rose Tico (Kelly Marie Tran) is a beautiful delight and we also love the hell out of her. Amilyn Holdo (Laura Dern) is, surprise, also a bisexual goddess. I want more Maz (Lupita Nyong’o) in Episode IX, dammit. I’m glad Kaydel (Billie Lourd) got more to do and I dibsed her on principle.

9. Lady Bird McPherson (Saoirse Ronan, Lady Bird)
As drift partner said, Saoirse deserves her damn Oscar for this emotional and compelling performance. Period.

8. (As mentioned,) Hela and Valkyrie
These two are opposites, enemies, and wonders. Hela is the most extra character, from the horns to the cape to the necroswords to the dramatic magic, and Cate Blanchett was clearly having the time of her life. Val is a tragic babe with a happy outcome, a pegasus-riding sword-wielder, and the kind of character women rarely get to be. They both make a great movie even greater.

7. Harley Quinn (Melissa Rauch, Batman and Harley Quinn)
I’m counting it! We watched this on-demand one night and then immediately ran out to buy it because it is a perfect movie. It exists in the same continuity as Batman: The Animated Series, but it’s rated significantly more PG-13, and Harley is done perfectly. She’s a big bisexual nerd trying to make good, flirting and punching and punning and singing and literally saving the world with her love for Ivy (Paget Brewster). Especially after Suicide Squad, this movie is a breath of fresh air and so is this incarnation of our best clown princess weirdo.

6. Elizabeth Marston (Rebecca Hall, Professor Marston…)
Like, I’ve always loved Rebecca Hall, but this performance is transcendent. Not because it’s flashy or particularly weird, but because it’s heartfelt and honest and, yes, quite h-o-t. It’s the best kind of movie about queer women, which is to say one that actually comes through a queer female gaze and not a straight male one, and Rebecca Hall shines as a fully realized person with fully real desires and appeal.

5. Michelle “MJ” Jones (Zendaya Coleman, Spider-Man: Homecoming)
She is just what we need in everything, namely a snarky black girl who takes no shit from anyone but isn’t afraid to give it. She’s so deadpan and perfect and such a great addition to the universe and the story and I’m excite to see how she ends up being properly MJ.

4. Mantis (Pom Klementieff, Guardians of the Galaxy, Vol. 2)
These movies are definitely hit and miss in a lot of ways, but there are some universal truths, among them that space is very beautiful to look at and that Mantis is an adorable sincere autistic baby who needs to be protected. She’s so utterly charming and her need to be loved and be helpful is, uh, #relatable.

3. Cipher (Charlize Theron, The Fate of the Furious)
This is a garbage film, but she is the garbage queen. All of ur cars are belong to me.

2. Laura Kinney (Dafne Keen, Logan)
This kid. Just her performance in the final act of the movie nearly put this movie on the emotion-grabbing list, too, because she’s heartwrenching. She’s a little badass through the film, but she’s also so little and good and I’m proud of her and would like to make her cookies.

1. All of the women of The Lego Batman Movie
Obviously Barbara (Rosario Dawson) is the main female character in this movie, and she kicks so much ass and is just so delightful. I’m also talking about my favorite thing, the (potential) Gotham City Sirens triumvirate of Harley (Jenny Slate), Catwoman (Zoe Kravitz), and Poison Ivy (Riki Lindholme). That’s the perfect film right there. Get on it.

–your fangirl heroine.

Spoiler Alert Saturday :: our thoughts on The Lego Batman Movie

In no particular order, but.

1. Jenny Slate as Harley Quinn, Riki Lindholme as Poison Ivy, and Zoe Kravitz as Catwoman? Talk about the greatest Gotham City Sirens lineup. I hope they make a million more movies in this universe and should all of them be about these three? Maybe yes.
2. Another big delight of Jenny Slate’s Harley was how aggressively not in keeping with current DC cinematic properties she was. The outfit was silly but not that insulting kinkshameable nonsense, she was funny in a way that felt appropriate to the character, she never said “puddin’,” and damned if she didn’t make cute little silent :O faces when Batman and Joker discussed healthy relationships sometimes.
3. This is probably the best non-comics Barbara Gordon I’ve seen since the 90s cartoon. It’s a really good distillation of her character. It was also cool that she was subtly brown. And Rosario Dawson seemed to be having a great time.
4. I liked that there were women just hanging out doing stuff, in the background or the police force or in crowd scenes. Somebody was careful about that.
5. This movie understands that Batman is only good if he’s got people with him because by himself he’s fucking ridiculous.
6. I love Dick Grayson, and if they don’t make a good Nightwing movie I’m going to go to Warner Brothers and pee on everything they love. They got a really good sense of the younger version of him, like in the 60s show when he’s a sidekick kid. And Michael Cera did a really good job.
7. Will Arnett is the best Batman. He’s perfect. Nobody else should be Batman, except for Kevin Conroy who’s not being Batman anymore anyway so it’s fine.
8. The writers clearly just looked up everything a child would know and then put it all in a movie. They included a bunch of older suits, including Nightwing’s original suit, and the Batman Beyond suit. There’s a montage of shitty Silver Age villains and it’s beautiful. There are probably jokes we missed, but if you are familiar with more than one Batman piece of media you’re probably gonna catch something.
9. There are also a fair amount of non-Batman/DC jokes shoved in here, and some of them are definitely more for the grown-ups in the audience (my personal favorite was when Batman was suggesting potential team-ups and listed “Fox Force Five”).
10. And then let’s talk about the Phantom Zone. In the original Lego Movie style, the Phantom Zone pulled in Legoified versions of every villainous character you could imagine. They’re mostly from the Lego Dimensions game, but you don’t need to know that to enjoy their gloriously nonsensical presence.
11. In 1988 there was an infamous Batman graphic novel called The Killing Joke that goes into a version of the Joker’s backstory and is also the comic in which Barbara is shot in the spine and paralyzed. It’s very divisive, and they made it worse because in the 2016 animated movie version some dumbass decided to add a weird sexual component to Bruce and Barbara’s relationship that is not in the comic. The internet promptly lost its entire shit and I swear someone at WB was like OH FUCK and rewrote the ending of The Lego Batman Movie to erase the romantic relationship that had been building up. Batman at one point says Barbara is “my platonic coworker who I see as a friend” or something like that. The first shot of her is shot Gaussian Girl style from Bruce’s POV and “(I Just) Died in Your arms” is playing. I was horrified and then very relieved when it didn’t go anywhere. So thanks, WB, for not fucking that up.

–your fangirl heroines.

Fashion Friday :: we are not things but we are still fabulous (part 2)

Sweet Toast (Zoe Kravitz).  I want a thousand movies about you, honestly.

This is the fundamental part of the Toast ensemble.  Searching for Shells Hoodie, ModCloth.

Also this is.  And it’s cute.  Lace Tank Top, Free People.

She’s kind of like.  Soft bohemian grunge or something.  I don’t know.  I like that she looks a little femme but also like she could kick your ass.  Because it’s true.  Denim Cutoff Shorts, BP.

To wit: Sand Snakey ass-kicking boots.  Chics and Bounds Boots, ModCloth.

–your fangirl heroine.

 

Film Friday :: and it’s time to talk about Fury Road a little.

Even though the Oscars are largely bigoted bullshit, I’m still really excited about Mad Max: Fury Road getting the second-largest amount of nominations.  I’m really excited about the fact that people took this movie seriously and the fact that people are continuing, apparently, to take it seriously.

And in a sad way, that’s almost funny: in most contexts, a movie about a woman helping other women escape sex slavery would at least look like “Oscar bait.”  So serious, so dark.  But the fact that this was a movie about a woman helping other women escape sex slavery that contained highly saturated colors and flaming car chases made it look like, well, an action movie.  It is an action movie.  And it’s a lot of fun, even with the heavy themes.  But part of the fun comes from the fact that it’s a triumphant movie that never shies away from what it is and never tries to condescend and while there may be a cartoonish element to some of the situations and characters, it’s one of the most relatable films I’ve seen in years.  Not in the sense of I’ve experienced analogous situations, but in the sense of

we are not things.

This is the film’s message, ultimately.  It’s about Furiosa (Charlize Theron), taken from her matriarchal, powerful tribe of women who nurture and fight back and brought unwillingly into a world defined by, as so many others have said before, “toxic masculinity,” by the deification of false machismo that rather literally kills, brought into this world and seen to have risen up through it in spite of her femaleness, her disability (I know I’ve geeked out over Furiosa’s robot arm before, because robot arms are seriously cool, but let’s also not forget that it makes her badass on a whole other level), who’s now using her position to do something important, “steal away” these damaged young girls living a life so far from their choosing.  And – herm, unhh – Max (Tom Hardy) is along for the ride, because toxic masculinity is also dangerous to men.

It’s about The Splendid Angharad (Rosie Huntington-Whiteley), favored among Immortan Joe’s human menagerie, who’s heavy with child and bears the most obvious physical marks of her suffering (the spiderwebby scars on her face), who inspires a revolution and preaches agency to the other sister-wives, who may not see the dream realized but is nonetheless pivotal to its realization.

It’s about Capable (Riley Keough), who fixes and thinks and helps, who offers a shoulder to lean on and calm, thoughtful words, who holds her sisters together even when they’re breaking and she wants nothing more who preaches Angharad’s words devotedly, who believes in the ultimate potential for goodness in even someone she oughtn’t to trust.

(That is to say Nux (Nicholas Hoult) who also exists because toxic masculinity is also dangerous to men and achieves the glory he’s been chasing because he casts off the pursuit of it.)

It’s about Toast the Knowing (Zoe Kravitz), quiet and solemn, who hardly cracks a smile, who can handle a gun and drive a car and fight to survive this hellish world, who’s been worn down but refuses to let herself diminish, who sticks close to Furiosa and does what’s needed of her to achieve the best thing for all of them.

It’s about Cheedo the Fragile (Courtney Eaton), young and pure and showing the clearest signs of psychological damage, who runs and cries and hides and clings (to one of her sister wives especially, but more to that in a moment), who seems willing to give up and in the end plays her weakness as a strength, who represents an innocence lost, who represents a tragedy that refuses to end unhappily.

It’s about the Dag (Abbey Lee), wild-eyed and a bit off, hence the nickname, but intuitive and gutsy and even abrasive when she needs to be, who lets Cheedo cling to her and clings in equal measure, who provides strength to Cheedo and to the others but to Cheedo the very most (theirs, one of the most softly intimate subtle physical relationships between women in film that I can recall in recent years), who carries something horrible inside her but learns how to grow something more beautiful, too.

(It’s about the interesting thing I realized, that one of Charlize Theron’s biggest critical successes was for playing a rape victim, that she and every single one of the wives are at least to some extent fashion models as well as being actresses, several of them even being Victoria’s Secret models, which is to say models of a type notorious for being under the male gaze, that Rosie Huntington-Whiteley and Zoe Kravitz have both taken part in male fantasy film franchises that did them wrong, that hell, Riley Keough was in Magic Mike and it did her character no favors, that hell, Tom Hardy and Nicholas Hoult have even participated in male fantasy film franchises.  Casting them all was either intentional or a very happy accidental coincidence.)

It’s about all of these women and their couple of decent men and the way they intertwine.  It’s about the way that Immortan Joe looks like a cartoon villain, but how many women can say they’ve been made at some point in their lives to feel at least some part a thing like he tried to make his wives feel?  It’s about the way that important stories don’t have to end badly or be cast in grimdark greys or revel in horrors, but how they can be triumphant and uplifting and, yes, fun and sometimes a bit ridiculous, but in the end reach countless people in a way that other stories cannot.

–your fangirl heroine.

Spectacular Summaries Saturday :: the summer movie round-up

For my purposes, summer at the movies begins mid-May and ends… last week.  That’s about the timeframe for hauling out “summer” movies (I say that in quotations because some don’t fit and some are trying to hard to fit in what makes a successful summer blockbuster).  I’m categorizing and therefore judging.  Bolded titles in every category have won the category.

The contenders (summer movies I saw)
Thor
Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides
Bridesmaids
The Hangover, Part II
X-Men: First Class
Super 8
Green Lantern
Transformers: Dark of the Moon
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 2
Captain America
Cowboys & Aliens
Our Idiot Brother
Fright Night

Superhero movies!
Thor
X-Men: First Class
Green Lantern
Captain America
This one would have been close if X-Men hadn’t been out.  Thor and Captain America both have the bonus of leading up to The Avengers, which I am geeking for like a boss, and they were both pretty good.  Thor had glassesy Kat Dennings and direction by Kenneth Branagh, Captain America had badass red-lipstick-and-pencil-skirty Hayley Atwell and the killing of supernatural Nazis.  But X-Men was set in the 1960s, starred a crap ton of attractive people that I have infatuations with to varying degrees (James McAvoy, Michael Fassbender, Rose Byrne, Nicholas Hoult…), featured a whole load of fun moral gray areas, was badass, was directed by Matthew Vaughn… clear winner.

Sequels!
Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides
The Hangover, Part II
X-Men: First Class (ish)
Transformers: Dark of the Moon
I say ish for X-Men because it’s sort of a prequel, but it still wins.  The other three were very of their franchise.  Pirates was a lot like the first three Pirates movies, except it had the advantages of being minus Orlando Bloom and plus Ian McShane.  The Hangover was exactly like the first Hangover, except it was in Bangkok instead of Vegas.  Transformers was a lot like the first two Transformers movies, except it had the advantages of being minus Megan Fox and plus Alan Tudyk.  X-Men wins in my opinion because it tried to do something different with itself.  You could argue that’s easy, given the prequel nature, but Wolverine was a prequel and it was still pretty similar.  (Not in a bad way necessarily, I am a giant fan of the franchise [probably another reason this was a given] but it was.)

Comedies!
Bridesmaids
The Hangover, Part II
Our Idiot Brother
This is a tricky category, because every one of these movies sort of made me want to slap some bitches a few times.  But Our Idiot Brother only made me want to slap the characters; the actors and writers were mostly imaginary slap-free.  Bridesmaids and The Hangover made me want to slap the characters and the writers both; the former because I am just so freakishly sick of women movies being hailed as great stories of sisterhood or whatever when really they’re doing nothing but buying dresses and bitching each other out, the latter because it was, as mentioned, exactly the same as its predecessor.  They were all occasionally funny, but I laughed the most and the hardest at Our Idiot Brother.

Action!
Thor
Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides
X-Men: First Class
Green Lantern
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 2
Transformers: Dark of the Moon
Captain America
Cowboys & Aliens
Well, I’m giving every award ever to X-Men, so I decided I should mix this one up a little.  All superhero movies, regardless of how little action they actually have, are often categorized as action movies; all of these had some pretty epic fight scenes, but again with the mixing it up.  And Cowboys & Aliens had gunfights, alien fights, AND space explosions.  The others can’t say that.  So most diverse action!  Harry Potter ties in, because of epic magic battles.  And just my need to give it some win out of intense love.

And now begins the chosen from everything awards.

Sexiest cast: X-Men, obviously.  You have McAvoy for the cocky intelligent pretty-boy thing, Fassbender for the smoldering vengeful brilliant antihero thing, Hoult for the a-freaking-dorable nerdboy thing, Byrne for the brainy brunette thing, Jennifer Lawrence for the cute blonde/sexy mutant thing, January Jones for the ice queen thing, Zoe Kravitz for the exotic thing, the other X-boys for their own things… there’s something for everyone.

Girlcrush created: Hayley Atwell as Peggy Carter in Captain America.  I appreciated her in Pillars of the Earth, but I legitimately crushed on her here.  Kickass British vintage women win always.

Girlcrush intensified: Kat Dennings as Darcy in Thor, of course.  If that wasn’t evidenced by my repeated mentions of her in her glasses, she’s also the funniest thing in the movie.  Way more interesting than Natalie Portman’s Jane, too.

Girlcrush allowing me to forgive your character: Zooey Deschanel as Nat in Our Idiot Brother.  She messed up her relationship with the also-adorable Cindy (Rashida Jones) all over the place, but damned if I don’t still sort of love her.

Mancrush created: Nicholas Hoult as Hank/Beast in X-Men.  More at the beginning of the movie, because I have a harder time being attracted to him after he’s an accidental jerk to Raven (Lawrence).  But when he’s all 😀 SCIENCEGEEKING! and sweatervesty and glassesy, oh yeah.

Mancrush intensified: Michael Fassbender as Erik/Magneto in X-Men.  I sorta had a thing for him since Basterds, but damn can that man wear a suit!  Also, I find his ability to speak so many languages massively sexy.  And though it’s not the easiest to deal with in real life, I find moral grayness more interesting than black or white in fiction.

Mancrush allowing me to forgive your character: Anton Yelchin as Charlie in Fright Night, at the beginning of the movie mostly.  He manned up and geeked out as it went on, but he was sort of lame and trying to be cool at the start.

Epic bromance: Charles (McAvoy) and Erik (Fassbender) in X-Men.  This one is pretty straightforward.

Fail bromance: Stu (Ed Helms), Phil (Bradley Cooper), Alan (Zach Galifinakis), and Doug (Justin Bartha) in The Hangover, Part II.  Fail because they repeated the exact same mistakes they made last time, fail because they behaved completely like people do not behave ever, fail because they weren’t really that amiable towards each other, and fail because they left Justin Bartha out of a lot of screen time.

Epic ladybromance: …for what it’s worth, Megan (Melissa McCarthy) towards anyone in Bridesmaids.  She was the only one of the women who was actually good at being a friend, really.

Fail ladybromance: Annie (Kristin Wiig), Lillian (Maya Rudolph), Helen (Rose Byrne), and… well, all the rest of them in Bridesmaids.  They were all just awful friends towards each other, which I’ve already ranted on plenty.

Epic romance: Moira (Rose Byrne) and Charles (McAvoy) in X-Men.  Not that we saw any of it except for that one kiss, but I was so very into it.  Also Ron (Rupert Grint) and Hermione (Emma Watson) in Harry Potter, because they finally kissed and they’re finally together and aw.

Epic fail romance: Nat (Deschanel) and Cindy (Jones) in Our Idiot Brother.  Epic fail meaning they were so cute, and then failing just had to go and happen.

Fail romance: Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp) and Angelina (Penelope Cruz) in Pirates.  Annie (Wiig) and Ted (Jon Hamm) in Bridesmaids.  Sam (Shia LaBeouf) and Carly (Rosie Huntington-Whitely) in Transformers.  Need I go on?

Most wasted performer: Ian McShane as Blackbeard in Pirates.  He did everything he could, bless his heart, but he still didn’t have enough to work with.  Not for his brilliance.

Most intense emotional reaction: the entirety of Harry Potter.  Because of everyone who died, because of the story, because of the battling, because now it’s over and I’m sad.  Because it was just perfect.

Best diversion from canon: Neville (Matthew Lewis) and Luna (Evanna Lynch) in Harry Potter, because it’s obvious, we all know that they should have been together and they so totally had the feelings.

Eager anticipation incited: thanks to Captain America, for The Avengers, of course.

–your fangirl heroine.