Tag Archives: spoiler alert saturday

Spoiler Alert Sunday :: her thoughts on Logan

12 Mar

(We went to see this together, but honestly, my entire enjoyment and opinion of this film hinged on hers. She’s passionate about Laura in a way that most people aren’t passionate about anything. So I’m just letting her take this one.)

I’ve been an X-Men fan for almost ten years. I’ve read hundreds of the comics, watched all three cartoons, and have seen all but two of the movies. (I skipped The Wolverine because the first one was so bad, and Apocalypse because all it was going to do was make me rage.) At this point, I probably have a better working knowledge of the X-Men mythos than 80% of the population, and I haven’t even read any direct X-Men comics in a couple years. So it’s been personally painful to watch the movies devolve into what they’ve become, after X-Men was a decent setup movie and X2 was a solid if flawed adaptation of the spirit of the comics. I swore off the movies forever, after hearing about all the ridiculous issues with Apocalypse. But then they released the teaser poster for Logan.

I’d been dreading this movie for over a year. The tiny hand holding Logan’s either meant one of two things: Daken, his biological son via his Japanese wife Itsu, and a character which I have deep-seated contempt for, or X-23/Laura Kinney.

X-23 is similar to Harley Quinn in that she was first introduced in an animated series (X-Men: Evolution and Batman: The Animated Series respectively), but both proved so popular with fans that they crossed over into comics canon and have had multiple ongoing series featuring them. X-23 was first introduced in a miniseries called NYX, then later had two miniseries entitled Innocence Lost and Target X. The most basic explanation for her creation in the comics is that she is the result of the attempt to repeat the success of Weapon X, the program that enhanced Wolverine. A group of scientists attempted to create a clone of Wolverine, but after 22 attempts and non-viable embryos they ran out of Y chromosome. (I know, I know, just roll with it, comics are stupid.) Finally, on the 23rd attempt, they create an embryo with two X chromosomes and have one of the scientists, Sarah Kinney, carry and deliver it. X-23 was born with two bone claws on her hands and one claw on both her feet, and they coat her bones with adamantium just like Wolverine’s and begin to train her to be a living weapon. Sarah Kinney works closely with her, secretly names her Laura, and helps her to connect with her humanity. Eventually Laura breaks out and destroys the facility as she escapes, but accidentally kills Sarah in the process. Target X is about her attempts to connect with her biological family, first Sarah’s sister and niece and then Logan himself.

I read Innocence Lost when I was 16 and it was a transformative experience. Most people have one or two favorite X-Men; Laura is mine. So I was anxious about how they would adapt her character to the big screen, especially since the X-Men movies have a shaky track record with my other favorites (Rogue, hilariously incorrect; Gambit, physically spot-on but missing the accent and the charm; Nightcrawler, serviceable but missing key aspects of his personality; Shadowcat, best forgotten as an embarrassment). I don’t usually look up the plots of movies before I go to them, but this one I did, because as long as I knew what happened, I couldn’t be blindsided by any stupid plot developments.

Logan is a damn good movie. I wish I could say it was a great movie, but there’s a really glaring issue with it that spoils my enjoyment a bit. But it’s a good movie, and more importantly it’s a good X-Men movie. I feel like this was Fox’s apology to us all for the various shitty X-Men movies they’ve given us over the last decade or so. This was the X-Men movie we’ve all been waiting for, even if we’re sick to death of Wolverine (and I really am). This is gritty and violent and Logan swears up a storm and it has humor and heart and it really captured the spirit of the character. It’s set decade in the future (2029), where there are few mutants left and no mutant children have been born in decades. A dying Logan (Hugh Jackman) acts as guardian and painkiller supplier for an also-dying Charles Xavier (Patrick Stewart). Both their lives are interrupted when Logan meets a young girl named Laura (Dafne Keen), and the three of them set out on a journey that may be a fool’s errand. I looked up the plot, but I would recommend that unless you too will start screaming in rage about deviations from the comics, you just go see this for yourself.

Things I loved, with as few spoilers as I can manage:

  • Laura was perfect. Dafne Keen’s performance was outstanding – she nailed Laura’s eerie, non-blinking stare and the way that, especially early on, she didn’t speak often and when she did it was using as few words as possible. She also nailed her hair-trigger temper, and the way that she (especially as a younger child) flew into a rage when provoked. They also chose to make her bilingual but primarily Spanish-speaking, which is interesting. She does know multiple languages in the comics (one joke in Target X is that she and her cousin go to school, only to be thrown out of French class because Laura listed off multiple gruesome facts about killing people) so this is fine. One thing I do wish they’d managed to incorporate was the trigger scent, which they trained her to automatically respond to (and which was how they forced her to kill her mother). Also I’m mildly confused because she mentions that she’s killed people before, and they were “bad people,” but I was under the impression that they didn’t get very far using the mutant children as attack dogs for hire before they scrapped that program. I think maybe a bit more fleshing out of that idea would have been good. But Keen is amazing, certainly the most subtle child actor I’ve seen since Quvenzhané Wallis, and I hope she’ll go on to do great things with this character.
  • I am sick to death of Wolverine as a character, but Jackman is playing a weathered, beat-down old man who is the last of a dying breed and who can’t find peace with himself. This is the Wolverine movie they’ve been trying to make for twenty years, and Jackman is giving his all. He probably won’t get any serious award nominations for this, but it’s a real pity, because he deserves them. I’m glad this is the one he chose to go out on.
  • Patrick Stewart is also phenomenal, of course. He’s an old man in pain and sometimes barely conscious, and letting out some of his salt while he’s at it. He and Jackman play off each other beautifully. The film teases out some of the history of what happened to the rest of the X-Men and why Xavier is mostly alone at this point, and it’s fascinating. I almost want to know more about that history, but I think that the film gave us just enough and didn’t beat us over the head with what happened.
  • Any movie that has Wolverine in it and isn’t rated R is just asking for trouble. This one goes barreling straight into the violence, with Logan and Laura slashing and decapitating people left and right. But it doesn’t really feel gratuitous; it feels like the movie we’ve been building to all this time. If you’ve read a Wolverine comic, then you know that this is the kind of violence we should’ve been getting all along. It’s been a hell of a wait, but it’s immensely satisfying to get it now.
  • SMALL SPOILER: The mutant kids were neat, though I wish we’d spent a little more time with them. We barely know anyone’s names, except for the de facto leader, Rictor. Rictor has earth-moving powers, and has been in the comics since the 80s. He’s a good character, and I’m hoping they’ll do more with him in future movies. (He has been a member of X-Force, and I keep hearing rumors that Fox is trying to make that movie. Fingers crossed.)

I have a few complaints, though. Some of them are nitpicky and some of them are not. SPOILERS for major plot points.

  • The single most frustrating thing about the movie is that about two-thirds of the way through it, a Wolverine clone shows up. No, not Laura – Laura has been there for an hour by this point. We already love tiny murder machine Laura. This clone is a full-size Hugh Jackman Wolverine clone with a flat-top haircut who basically runs on rage for…some reason? This is deeply stupid. This doesn’t make any sense, even if you divorce it from the comics. There was no reason to have a Wolverine clone in this movie. No reason. It cheapened the movie for me, and even though most of the scenes with the clone were good, there was really no damn reason for it to be there. True, part of the reason I’m annoyed is because of the comics canon – it has been established that they can’t make a male clone of Wolverine, and their attempts to copy the success of Laura were first destroyed in Innocence Lost and then recently again in the new Wolverine comic starring Laura. (She currently has one biological “sister,” Gabby, but all the other “sisters” have died.) There has never been a male clone of Wolverine in the comics, because that defeats the entire purpose of Wolverine – he is the best at what he does. The clone in the movie is called X-24 (I’ll get to why that bothers me in a second), and its only purpose is to act as living hubris for the scientists who created not only Laura and the other mutant children (again, getting there). Oh, and to beat Logan to a pulp of course. The fight scenes with it are pretty good, but it was just so unnecessary. Anyway, the reason why it shouldn’t be X-24 is that X-23’s name in the comics comes from the fact that she is the 23rd attempt at the Weapon X cloning program. There is a direct line in the comics about “X-24 through X-50,” the other viable embryos that were created after Laura – which Laura destroys along with the rest of the facility. There should be no “X-24.” If there were no cloning attempts before Laura, then why make Laura female? And if they could make a male clone all along, then why didn’t they before? It was ridiculous and pissed me off every time the clone popped up.
  • I am also deeply annoyed about their choice to call Laura and the other mutant children they created in the lab “the X-23s.” Why bother calling them that? Without the Weapon X context, the name X-23 is completely arbitrary. It’s fanservice but it’s fanservice that’s doesn’t actually make any sense and will probably piss off more fans like me, who actually care about the reasons behind the codenames. (Laura’s code is “X-23-23,” which is so stupid I can’t handle it.)
  • I hear that Caliban (Stephen Merchant) was in Apocalypse. For some reason he was in this movie too. I’m familiar with this character from the comics and, while I understand the logistical reasons for him being there (his power is to find other mutants, so they needed him to track Logan and Laura), I’m still upset at how incorrect he was. In the comics, Caliban lives underground with a group called the Morlocks, the “undesirable” mutants that can’t live amongst regular people because of their hideous or abnormal appearances. He is an empathetic, shy person in the comics, who helps Shadowcat after she becomes ill and falls in love with her, but allows her to return to the surface when he realizes she does not love him in return. He also speaks in the third person, which isn’t a huge deal but is just annoying to change because it’s a distinctive part of his character. And his skin doesn’t get burned by the sun. I get why they made these changes but as a low-key fan of the character I’m just annoyed. I would’ve preferred they just make up a random mutant-tracking character and given him the same role.
  • I understand for plot purposes why they had the biological mothers-slash-carriers of the mutant children be Mexican women, and it’s actually a really interesting bit of meta-commentary, but considering how important Laura’s mom was to her in the comics, I’m not very happy that they’ve just erased her like this. I’m guessing maybe they will call her Laura Howlett in the movies now, which. Whatever.
  • At one point Logan and co. help a family, the Munsons, and end up staying with them. They are, of course, slaughtered by the X-24 clone. They happened to cast a black family, and while there are a handful of other black and brown characters in the movie (mostly unnamed children), they are the only named characters of color besides Laura’s nurse Gabriela and her friend Rictor. I wish they hadn’t been black; there are unfortunate implications there.
  • The head of the program is called Dr. Zander Rice (Richard E. Grant). Zander is actually from the Innocence Lost series, but he’s different, aside from being the son of a man who worked on the original Weapon X program. He’s been aged up, and his role in Laura’s development has actually been replaced by Donald Pierce (Boyd Holbrook). In the comics, Zander treated Laura as subhuman, openly sneering at her and assuming he could control her; Pierce takes on this role in the movie. It’s not a huge issue but for someone who knows the original miniseries as well as I do it was jarring.
  • This is a stupid personal hangup, but Laura calls Logan “daddy” as he’s dying and I have an in-joke about that word so it kind of spoiled the emotional effect they were going for. Oh well.

END SPOILERS.

There’s a good amount for me to bitch about, but the fact is that I enjoyed myself in this movie immensely, and it is the best X-Men movie since X2. Maybe it’s the best X-Men movie period? Anyway, I recommend it.

apparent20smugness

Spoiler Alert Saturday :: our thoughts on The Lego Batman Movie

25 Feb

In no particular order, but.

  1. Jenny Slate as Harley Quinn, Riki Lindholme as Poison Ivy, and Zoe Kravitz as Catwoman? Talk about the greatest Gotham City Sirens lineup. I hope they make a million more movies in this universe and should all of them be about these three? Maybe yes.
  2. Another big delight of Jenny Slate’s Harley was how aggressively not in keeping with current DC cinematic properties she was. The outfit was silly but not that insulting kinkshameable nonsense, she was funny in a way that felt appropriate to the character, she never said “puddin’,” and damned if she didn’t make cute little silent :O faces when Batman and Joker discussed healthy relationships sometimes.
  3. This is probably the best non-comics Barbara Gordon I’ve seen since the 90s cartoon. It’s a really good distillation of her character. It was also cool that she was subtly brown. And Rosario Dawson seemed to be having a great time.
  4. I liked that there were women just hanging out doing stuff, in the background or the police force or in crowd scenes. Somebody was careful about that.
  5. This movie understands that Batman is only good if he’s got people with him because by himself he’s fucking ridiculous.
  6. I love Dick Grayson, and if they don’t make a good Nightwing movie I’m going to go to Warner Brothers and pee on everything they love. They got a really good sense of the younger version of him, like in the 60s show when he’s a sidekick kid. And Michael Cera did a really good job.
  7. Will Arnett is the best Batman. He’s perfect. Nobody else should be Batman, except for Kevin Conroy who’s not being Batman anymore anyway so it’s fine.
  8. The writers clearly just looked up everything a child would know and then put it all in a movie. They included a bunch of older suits, including Nightwing’s original suit, and the Batman Beyond suit. There’s a montage of shitty Silver Age villains and it’s beautiful. There are probably jokes we missed, but if you are familiar with more than one Batman piece of media you’re probably gonna catch something.
  9. There are also a fair amount of non-Batman/DC jokes shoved in here, and some of them are definitely more for the grown-ups in the audience (my personal favorite was when Batman was suggesting potential team-ups and listed “Fox Force Five”).
  10. And then let’s talk about the Phantom Zone. In the original Lego Movie style, the Phantom Zone pulled in Legoified versions of every villainous character you could imagine. They’re mostly from the Lego Dimensions game, but you don’t need to know that to enjoy their gloriously nonsensical presence.
  11. In 1988 there was an infamous Batman graphic novel called The Killing Joke that goes into a version of the Joker’s backstory and is also the comic in which Barbara is shot in the spine and paralyzed. It’s very divisive, and they made it worse because in the 2016 animated movie version some dumbass decided to add a weird sexual component to Bruce and Barbara’s relationship that is not in the comic. The internet promptly lost its entire shit and I swear someone at WB was like OH FUCK and rewrote the ending of The Lego Batman Movie to erase the romantic relationship that had been building up. Batman at one point says Barbara is “my platonic coworker who I see as a friend” or something like that. The first shot of her is shot Gaussian Girl style from Bruce’s POV and “(I Just) Died in Your arms” is playing. I was horrified and then very relieved when it didn’t go anywhere. So thanks, WB, for not fucking that up.

–your fangirl heroines.

please20still20love20me

Spoiler Alert Sunday :: our thoughts on Hidden Figures

8 Jan
  1. We are not black people.
  2. That means there are more important voices out there talking about this that do belong to black people, black women specifically, that we will tell you to go find.
  3. But all that being said, seriously this is a wonderful film.
  4. You need to go see this movie.
  5. You will not be taught about this in history class or anything (unless you have a really awesome history class, and guys, my US history in high school was rad but we didn’t even get to the 1950s let alone the 1960s, and it wouldn’t have been in the textbook anyway) so you need to go learn about this. These women were/are amazing.
  6. Someone give Mahershala Ali an award. (Maybe not for this movie but for something.)
  7. The three main ladies – Taraji P. Henson, Octavia Spencer, Janelle Monae – all should have awards for this movie, though.
  8. Also gosh their outfits and the little things they said about the characters were fun.
  9. Boy it was nice to have an inspirational historical movie where none of the known characters died.
  10. Jim Parsons is in this movie as a terrible person and watching him accordingly get his ass kicked (metaphorically) every ten minutes was great.

–your fangirl heroines.

giving20zero20fucks_1

 

Spoiler Alert Sunday :: our thoughts on Moana and Rogue One

18 Dec

We have had a busy weekend, friends! Very busy. But part of that busyness has been going to the movies, which as if to make up for the lack of movies I’ve seen recently we did not once but twice! We saw Moana and Rogue One, which are two films that have very little in common but it doesn’t matter they’re both well-done films.

First of all, about Moana. This movie is, of course, a Disney movie, and a story told by primarily white people about a non-white culture that is a mishmash of a variety of Pasifika languages, cultures, and stories. There’s been a lot of discussion from Pasifika and Hawaiian writers about the movie, and I encourage you to go looking for some of them. Here are a few, and there are more, I’m sure, that you should seek out and read. I definitely see where they’re coming from, as a Chinese person who grew up with one version of the Legend of Mulan as well as the Disney version (which is, of course, hilariously watered-down and edited for the white moviegoing public). So it is important to keep that in mind as you watch; many of the mythological elements are severely edited or made up, and Maui as a character is very different from the figure present in many Pasifika stories. (And, notably, there has been discussion about the problems inherent with not giving a female lead of color a love interest, since this ties into problematic ideas about women of color and romance.)

Which does not make it a bad movie. It’s a beautiful movie, very well-told and compelling, and Moana is a great character. She’s resourceful, smart, and passionate, and the story definitely lets her shine. Maui is…also there. Personally, I found him mildly amusing at best and an annoying hindrance to the plot at worst, but, again, it’s part of the Disney package. And really, despite the above parenthetical, it is something of a relief that the teenage girl and the thousand-year-old demigod don’t even have what could be viewed as a spark of romance between them. Especially because that could have easily fallen into the trope of the nice girl changing a stubborn man with love, which is annoying. As is they were buddies and helped each other along without fear of kissing, and that was good.

There is also a “twist” ending, which Disney seems to be particularly enamored of right now, and which I am fine with, because they keep doing it in interesting ways, at least. In this case, it does have to do with the villain, and you can probably figure it out if you’re thinking about it during the movie – but I wasn’t, so it came as a surprise to me. It also means that the conclusion of the story is non-violent, which I really liked. (There are some really good action scenes and there is a scene where Moana and Maui have to fight a bunch of sentient coconuts called Kakamora – incidentally, the Kakamora are mythical beings, but they seem to not actually be coconuts, just very small people-shaped beings – that hilariously reminded us of Mad Max: Fury Road.)

The music is different in style from other Disney soundtracks, even though you can pretty well point out the “I Want” song, “I Am” song, villain song, etc. Lin-Manuel Miranda composed the majority of the lyrics and music for the songs, and you can definitely tell. I think maybe this soundtrack will be overlooked for not having either a love song or a crowd-pleaser like “Let It Go,” which is a pity, because I think it’s really good. “We Know the Way” is written partially in Tokelauan, from Tokelau, a tiny territory of New Zealand. Musician Opetaia Foa‘i helped Miranda and composer Mark Mencina write, as Tokelauan is in his native language, and while as of this writing there doesn’t seem to be an official translation, here is a rough idea based on the similar Maori and Samoan languages. This one is, I think, the standout song of the piece. (Although, shoutout to Jemaine Clement for having what is possibly the silliest villain song in any animated movie since “Gaston.”) Sixteen-year-old star Auli’i Cravalho also does her own singing, and sounds amazing.

And now, Rogue One! First of all, I can’t stress enough that this is a war movie. Heavy on the war. There is one scene in it that one of my friends said feels sort of like someone said “no one will know it’s a Star Wars movie unless we put a lightsaber in it!” But most of it isn’t about the big characters, the ones we know and the ones who are Force users. Most of it is about the little people in war, who do all the heavy work. You need to go into this movie with that mindset or you will be very sad.

Which is not to say this movie is all doom and gloom. Some very cool things happen!

  • The new characters are all interesting and likeable (to varying degrees and depending on who you are, but still) and the movie does a good job of showing you who they are despite the movie being pretty crowded.
  • Personally, two of my favorites were Chirrut (Donnie Yen) and Baze (Jiang Wen), who are both guardians of the remnants of a Jedi holy city, and who are both very gay. I called this months ago from a single clip in a trailer, and I am pleased to report that I was totally right and they are definitely gay and most likely exes who reconcile during the movie. Of course, because it is Disney, they aren’t explicitly gay, but they’re gay though. This is also cool because they are both Chinese dudes, but that means I expect fandom to ignore them.
  • My other favorite was Bodhi (Riz Ahmed), who is an ex-Imperial pilot who defects. He is a cinnamon roll and I love him. He just wants to help! (In case you’re not familiar with the term “cinnamon roll,” it basically means a character who is really sweet and adorable and deserves nice things.) I also read someone point out earlier that he is the only character who never kills anyone, and that he is the first character in a blockbuster movie played by a Pakistani actor who is not a terrorist, which is cool.
  • This is Star Wars. There are moments that are very “nudge-nudge we are Star Wars” and that’s okay. On one hand, it’s nice because it helps fill in some gaps; on the other hand, it’s nice because it’s comfortingly familiar. Ah, yes, this is Star Wars!
  • I also expect that the loudly crying white manbabies in our theater are going to be a staple of crowds for this movie, worldwide. We were lucky enough to not hear the exact content of their ever-present grumbling, but grumble they did, and loud enough that it was markedly rude. While the grumbling loudly is bad, and very annoying, it is pleasant to bathe in these manbabies’ tears.

–your fangirl heroines.

apparent20smugness1

Spoiler Alert Saturday :: our thoughts on Queen of Katwe

15 Oct

First things first: we did in fact see this opening weekend, because that was important, but we have just been too busy and forgetful on Saturdays. Forgive us.

I heard of this movie a few months ago, probably through Twitter, because Lupita Nyong’o is in it and I love her. All I knew about it was that it involved an African chess champion, which I originally thought was her, but later I found out she was playing the mother of Phiona Mutesi, the real-life Ugandan chess champion. I also found out this was coming out the same weekend as…another…movie about impressive children that I won’t name, but whose director has made an ass of himself, so that made me especially determined to see it.

The movie begins by establishing the life of Phinoa (Madina Nagalwa) and her family, who live in the slums and cannot afford to attend school, but instead have to sell maize on the streets in order to make a living. Her brother Brian (Martin Kabanza) begins to sneak off, and she follows him, only to discover that he is learning chess from a employee of the local mission, Robert Katende (David Oyelowo). She begins to learn as well, and quickly becomes one of the best players in the group, but hardships within her family and shortcomings due to her lack of education cause difficulties. The movie follows her journey through local tournaments all the way to international tournaments, and the trials she and her family face along the way.

If this sounds dry, I promise it isn’t! That was a concern of mine as well, but I found it quite gripping. The child actors are incredible, especially Nagalwa, and Lupita Nyong’o puts in an amazing performance as Phiona’s mother Harriet. And it’s a beautifully shot movie – directed by an Indian woman, Mira Nair, who clearly knows how to shoot and light people of color and non-US settings. It’s a vibrant and eyecatching film, and even though it’s long for a Disney biopic (124 minutes) it keeps your attention the whole time.

I’ve been checking Wikipedia to verify names and facts, and I see this movie hasn’t even made half its budget back, which is a real shame. I think this is one of my favorite movies this year, and everyone should see it. If you want more stories about and by women of color, please do yourself a favor and check this one out. If you want to see more stories about any of these variables – which, I hope you do, if you’re reading this – this is a good way to go. Visually stunning, compelling storytelling, all the good things. It’s understated, but that’s definitely not a bad thing.

–your fangirl heroines.

a20simpler20time

Spoiler Alert Saturday :: my thoughts on Suicide Squad

3 Sep

Presented in the form of notes I took while drinking an alcohol milkshake during this movie. Just a heads-up, my thoughts are largely not positive.

already these credits are trying to be edgy

ooh much edge

less aerial silk than hoped

yike (re: the scene of Harley getting abused in prison)

wow much soundtrack 3 songs before the intro scenes (note: I tried to keep count and lost track; I counted in the credits and it was 23 different songs – no movie should have 23 songs unless, perhaps, it is an opera)

he’s Deadshot because eye thing

this morality is so simple (re: the Deadshot and daughter scene)

wow look at that lack of development (re: the Harley/Joker “romance”)

ok so he literally brain-injured her

those tattoos are too much (re: specifically the hand on his mouth)

and he pimped her

class

I see potential! wasted (re: Margot Robbie as Harley, which I hold could be great… in a good movie)

Captain Boomerang yike

“the pyrokinetic homeboy” -> fridged gal

oh my god too many songs

if you’ll put words onscreen GIVE TIME TO READ THEM

Dr. June Moone

a secret buried heart

these names are no

blackmail with witch vagina

“these metahumans”

she’s so mousy

she can summon herself

she’s nakedish + tattooed

class

much legit wow (re: the stealing of secret documents)

“are you the devil” “maybe”

whoo racism (I don’t remember what this was re: because it could have been re: so many things)

“nice beer, a woman” ew

BYE flames

pacifist

oh my god Amanda Waller is irresponsible

Rick Flag needs to not

lolol evil Hoyt with evil beard

edgelord weapon party

Joker just literally growled at that dude

I don’t foresee this ending well

why does she radiate smokey sparkles

she freed her incest brother and loosed him into a black man to converse in hissy subtitles

why was this the plan

incest bro has evil octopus powers

what the fuck

tracking chips

“you one of them deaf hos”

jesus Minecraft/furry shoot-up

what culture even (re: Enchantress)

“just get it done” worst boyfriend (re: Rick)

incest bro who is an 8 foot glowing Egyptian tiger infused her with power

now she’s fancy and not dusty

too obvious and ableist (re: Harley, I assume)

racial diversity buuuuut

her accent comes and goes

Midway City

Katana has a fridged husband

ruh roh

let’s cut this Mr. J shit

couldn’t we have post-Joker Harley

alien monsters

many gun

why monsters tho

mallet AND bat?

oh maybe they’re enchantspawn

so many growl

ah yes succubi’d blob men

Margot Robbie deserves better

“Capture the Flag”

people who live in glass houses shouldn’t start gunfights

Margot is having fun at least?

she swam in chemicals for him?

WITH HIM?

what is dead may never die

this should be a movie about Harley breaking up with the Joker

Wall just shot randoms

how is her ear not falling off (re: Harley’s too many earrings)

Harley he would throw you to the wolves

ewww

his voice is so over

you’re better off (re: without the Joker)

incest bro is skyjacking

if you kill Wall fuck you (they didn’t)

that’s right baby be free (re: Harley)

these are your true friends (again, re: Harley – I have a lot of feelings about Harley for someone who’s never actually read anything with Harley or seen the original cartoons)

I sad

Bechdel pass?

more tentacles christ

“we’re going to the swirling ring of trash in the sky, ’cause why wouldn’t we?”

he fridged his own wife (re: Diablo)

“we don’t want you here” same

I like the attempts at serious

ehhh no pussies plz

Croc is uhhhh

this looks like it was designed by goth kids’ theatre camp

the incest sibs are problematic

she is gyrating (re: Enchantress)

bullshit Harley wants the suburbs

Diablo is smart

what the fuck

magical regenerating tiger man

why

“it’s on bitch” as he grows to another light god demon

Margot Robbie deserves better

t b h Enchantress is a Sailor Moon villain

she’s tentacling Waller?

does she stop being shiny without her heart

my dad really wants Joker fetch to happen

so Harley is fuckin with

yas

wowow

they’ve fucked up every building

lol yike heteros

sewer

now they’re in FANCY jail

well the end should not be like that

yike strobe credits

well Bats is bribing Wall for info

–your fangirl heroine.

sideeye

Spoiler Alert Sunday :: my thoughts on Star Trek Beyond

14 Aug

This universe is just… not my home. But, unlike Into Darkness which I (and everyone in the world except, apparently, my father) disliked immensely, Beyond was… charming at times. It was palatable. There were no glaring flaws.

I think, of the new Star Trek films, it probably telegraphed the most like an old Star Trek episode. There was a near-ridiculous amount of banter. There were wacky mix-em-ups. There were moments of unflinching (explicitly stated!) optimism.

Most of my commentary, predictably, is about a few things.

The end credits were lovely.

Gosh I do like Uhura (Zoe Saldana) and I’m glad she had something to do, pretty much. That was nice.

I knew that Sulu (John Cho) being A Gay Dad was going to happen and it still made me smile.

Jaylah (Sofia Boutella) made me smile too. She was adorable and vulnerable and badass and I was dorking out about her weapon.

And I really am gonna miss Anton Yelchin. I just am.

–your fangirl heroine.

ohisee