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Spoiler Alert Saturday :: our thoughts on The Lego Batman Movie

25 Feb

In no particular order, but.

  1. Jenny Slate as Harley Quinn, Riki Lindholme as Poison Ivy, and Zoe Kravitz as Catwoman? Talk about the greatest Gotham City Sirens lineup. I hope they make a million more movies in this universe and should all of them be about these three? Maybe yes.
  2. Another big delight of Jenny Slate’s Harley was how aggressively not in keeping with current DC cinematic properties she was. The outfit was silly but not that insulting kinkshameable nonsense, she was funny in a way that felt appropriate to the character, she never said “puddin’,” and damned if she didn’t make cute little silent :O faces when Batman and Joker discussed healthy relationships sometimes.
  3. This is probably the best non-comics Barbara Gordon I’ve seen since the 90s cartoon. It’s a really good distillation of her character. It was also cool that she was subtly brown. And Rosario Dawson seemed to be having a great time.
  4. I liked that there were women just hanging out doing stuff, in the background or the police force or in crowd scenes. Somebody was careful about that.
  5. This movie understands that Batman is only good if he’s got people with him because by himself he’s fucking ridiculous.
  6. I love Dick Grayson, and if they don’t make a good Nightwing movie I’m going to go to Warner Brothers and pee on everything they love. They got a really good sense of the younger version of him, like in the 60s show when he’s a sidekick kid. And Michael Cera did a really good job.
  7. Will Arnett is the best Batman. He’s perfect. Nobody else should be Batman, except for Kevin Conroy who’s not being Batman anymore anyway so it’s fine.
  8. The writers clearly just looked up everything a child would know and then put it all in a movie. They included a bunch of older suits, including Nightwing’s original suit, and the Batman Beyond suit. There’s a montage of shitty Silver Age villains and it’s beautiful. There are probably jokes we missed, but if you are familiar with more than one Batman piece of media you’re probably gonna catch something.
  9. There are also a fair amount of non-Batman/DC jokes shoved in here, and some of them are definitely more for the grown-ups in the audience (my personal favorite was when Batman was suggesting potential team-ups and listed “Fox Force Five”).
  10. And then let’s talk about the Phantom Zone. In the original Lego Movie style, the Phantom Zone pulled in Legoified versions of every villainous character you could imagine. They’re mostly from the Lego Dimensions game, but you don’t need to know that to enjoy their gloriously nonsensical presence.
  11. In 1988 there was an infamous Batman graphic novel called The Killing Joke that goes into a version of the Joker’s backstory and is also the comic in which Barbara is shot in the spine and paralyzed. It’s very divisive, and they made it worse because in the 2016 animated movie version some dumbass decided to add a weird sexual component to Bruce and Barbara’s relationship that is not in the comic. The internet promptly lost its entire shit and I swear someone at WB was like OH FUCK and rewrote the ending of The Lego Batman Movie to erase the romantic relationship that had been building up. Batman at one point says Barbara is “my platonic coworker who I see as a friend” or something like that. The first shot of her is shot Gaussian Girl style from Bruce’s POV and “(I Just) Died in Your arms” is playing. I was horrified and then very relieved when it didn’t go anywhere. So thanks, WB, for not fucking that up.

–your fangirl heroines.

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Whimsy Wednesday :: in which we are kinkshaming this entire episode.

22 Feb

How many times can they say “space-time” in the next episode

I’m going to count

This isn’t the time!

Or is it…the space?

3

Oh Mercury. I’m not sure your glasses are going to help

4

WOULD THAT THIS HOODIE WERE A TIME HOODIE

Also, the In-Between

Same, y’all, with your O_o at Sailor Moon talking about Mamoru

Oh no! Luna-P is malfunctioning. There is a wrong happening.

Sailor Moon just passed out from sadness?

THE ENTIRE PLANET IS ABLAZE

That is so much boob

Why does evil Chibi-usa only have lipstick on her bottom lip

“I never realized you had your own dimension”

Okay but why does Demande care what happened to Rubeus this is why it sucks when the bad guys are concurrent they’re not supposed to give shits

“The only man I love” my father

5

I’m kinkshaming this episode

I’m kinkshaming evil Chibi-usa in general honestly.

Now suddenly they’re back in the real world and talking about

6

“We thought we’d come back here for a bit so you could recover”

“As a disembodied spirit I can hardly do anything!”

Ah Diana, there for chirpy kitten exposition.

“A blood-red sunset is a bad omen” thank

7

The space-time key dropped out of nowhere and “it feels like it’s ripping my body apart” and now we’re hearing the angelic chorus heralding demonic activity?

“It’s me… Princess Usagi Small Lady Serenity” no

Princess Usagi Small Lady Serenity is fucking bonkers

“I’m not the little girl I used to be” I GOT TIDDIES NOW

“My name is Black Lady, Queen of Darkness” fuck

–your fangirl heroines.

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Music Monday :: my thoughts on I’m Only Dreaming

20 Feb

My beloved Eisley has returned. Sans Stacy, sans Chauntelle, but plus a couple new kids and with extra Sherri for good measure! Perfection to follow, I’m sure.

“Always Wrong.” I keep just pausing to shut my eyes and sink into this. I know I’m going to need to do that for real next chance I have, but. This is eerie and beautiful and here are some words.

“Defeatist.” Incidentally, new girl Elle Puckett is also of Poema, who I found on Spotify recently and that was nice. “I’ll bite the bullet, I’ll fall right through you.” I am so “down in the trenches, holding your hand tight” everything they touch turns gold I swear. This is not happy but it still sounds so happy I’m so in awe? This is such an important song and I want to wrap myself in it.

“A Song for the Birds.” “When you found me in that dungeon bright but tired of the punches, oh that sweetheart, you were always mine, oh mine” aughhh. Hello Max! He and Sherri work because he is a werewolf who married a fairy and while their aesthetics don’t match it complements in an odd way. I just adore everything that’s going on right now. It’s mystical and fantasy but it’s very very modern too, but in a way that doesn’t sound like anything else has, really.

“Sparking.” There is always just so much close attention paid to these guys’ songs, I feel? They are crafted with care. I appreciate it deeply. It’s like, the imagery is just whimsical enough that it’s set apart.

“My Best Friend.” I like the new harmonies vibe! Also, I am really going to need the story behind these lyrics because I 100% know they are not what my instinct said they are. More than 100% know. It’s really sweet, though, no matter what.

“Rabbit Hole.” Okay, gone a bit acoustic, soft and sweet and just a bit melancholy. I feel like they just choose words in a way that’s not like a lot of musicians. I mean. “Coppice.” I have never heard that in a song before. It’s coming up with a red squiggle line but it’s a word, Google just verified this for me because I had to check. Yet there it is. Effortlessly included.

“Louder Than a Lion.” Oh. A bit of noise threaded in. I’ve heard this started as a lullaby for Sherri’s little girl(s?) and that makes sense to me. I feel uncomfortably invested in the extended DuPree family thanks to Instagram, so. This is whimsy. Those girls are whimsy. This band is whimsy. Here, more lyrics. It’s gorgeous.

“You Are Mine.” This is so dreamy. “You’re my everything, my sun and moon, you make me swoon. Wake me up, talk too much, piss me off, but you are mine.” That’s a good sentiment. Eisley has not, by and large, been prone to explicitly romantic songs (I’m sure that’s a large part of why I like them) but this is nice. Not jarring, just sweet. Also, a menagerie of demons. So.

“When You Fall.” Well, this one is obviously for the Bemis babies, Lucy and Coraline, who are so cute that their internet photos charm even me, who has no affinity whatsoever toward children. But also this is just really… magic.

“Snowfall.” Ah yes, we approach our entries into the classic tradition of Eisley songs that could vaguely be about Game of Thrones. (None will ever beat “The Night Comes,” but…) I mean, this one is… not particularly, but it’s got that winter imagery that’s enough for some people, and oh my god it just kicked from the slow sweet melancholy to something with so much rocking and soul and body. And now I’m trying to figure out what the Hebrew equivalent to “Sherri” would be, since she said that.

“Brightest Fire.” Part two. Because fire imagery also goes to that. And also I just like it. It’s pretty. There’s enchanting and champions and shit and it’s lovely.

–your fangirl heroine.

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Sundry Sunday :: adulthood is (a haiku)

19 Feb

Keeping your own hours
Making your own choices and
Being your own, period.

Being your own while
You’re someone else’s, maybe,
But being your own.

–your fangirl heroine.

shucks

Whimsy Wednesday :: in which Saphir throws a fit.

15 Feb

“Someone who wants you, someone who needs you” Wiseman, I’m kinkshaming

Aw shit, Chibi-usa going dark made her mommy’s crystal coma coffin go dark too.

Okay. That library is pretty boss.

Death Phantom. “Considered one of history’s worst criminals” etc etc yikes.

That’s a nice prison planet you have there…sure would be a shame if something…happened to it

Also. The planet is called fucking. Nemesis. The fuck you think was gonna happen?

Also, have the respective inner senshi literally been in less than five episodes this season??

“What is this dark chamber” “none of us want to go near the dark chamber”

Uh

That’s what Lance Hunter said at the Hellfire Club.

Conversely, DO NOT DO THE THING WITH THE BOOK BECAUSE OF REASONS IN THE DARK CHAMBER BAD THINGS HAPPEN WHEN YOU DO THINGS BECAUSE OF REASONS

Blah blah exposition Saphir blah blah

Whine whine Wiseman is bad I am a boy

“He’s possessed, and he doesn’t even realize it!” uh. Do you usually realize when you’re possessed?

“He lost his mind and it’s all your fault!” whoa Saphir chill the fuck

Oh my god noooooooo Black Lady with a sexy voice nooooo

“Don’t accuse me of trying to wreck history!” valid.

Wow

Sailor Moon is awakening her friends with… golden light reaching into the floor

Now they’re transforming

Thank fucking christ

Now they’re…. Sending glitter through the floor of the library and exploding out of the ceiling???? What the fuck I mean I grew up with this shit but like, that’s a little much

No Demande

It’s the POWER OF LOOOOOOOVE

Aw

Shit

It’s a good thing that sometime in the future, Usagi hits a growth spurt and gets taller than 4’11”

“Peace and harmony are illusions”

Christ Demande just stop already

It’s my ILLUSIONS

“Time to show them your EVIL SIGHT”

“I see through your camouflage” Rubeus says to Wiseman. He is an expert because of his camouflage pants.

You’d better telepathically give Venus a call in the kickass library y’all

Why does the castle on Nemesis vaguely resemble the British House of Parliament

HOLY SHIT NO GOD THIS IS THE WORST THIS HAS ALWAYS BEEN THE WORST STOP SEDUCING YOUR DAD EVIL CHIBI-USA

Awww Venus is so happy about her girls “I knew we’d be together again”

–your fangirl heroines.

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Superlative Sunday :: the 2017 Grammys and my thoughts on them (in haiku)

12 Feb

Contemporary
Popular music is not
My known area.

Adele, Beyonce
Okay you are talented
Nothing else matters.

–your fangirl heroine.

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Fictional Friday :: 5 f/f ships around me before I started seeking f/f ships.

10 Feb

In chronological order.

5. Carol and Susan (Jane Tibbett and Jessica Hecht, Friends)
So I never really gave these two any actual thought. But Friends was always on when I was a kid, it seemed like, and my parents were never shy about what was going on. In fact, when an acquaintance of the family came out my parents explained it as “you know, like Carol and Susan on Friends.” And I said..

4. Haruka and Michiru (Sailor Moon)
“Yeah, I know, like Sailor Uranus and Sailor Neptune. I read about them on the internet.” I’m sure I’ve told this story before, but I learned how to internet via Sailor Moon fansites (terrible ones, black Times New Roman on white backgrounds, or worse, Angelfire or Geocites pages with pixelated star backgrounds) and I knew all about the lesbians in Sailor Moon before they came to the US. And were “cousins.” “Mom, this is dumb,” I said. “They clearly are not cousins.” And my mom shrugged and nodded. America?

3. Columbia and Magenta (Little Nell and Patricia Quinn, The Rocky Horror Picture Show)
This was a little different, because these two? They were already in relationships. Columbia was sort of in two of them. But yet, there they were playing voyeur (another thing I learned about from this movie) in their jammies and rolling all over on top of each other. And hey, if boys were kissing boys, girls could be kissing girls! Everyone was kissing everyone in that movie. And even though Magenta’s incest brother accidentally lasered Columbia to death at the end of the movie, they were still more fun to write about for me than Columbia and Frank (since he was, you know, an asshole bordering on emotionally abusive to her) or Columbia and Eddie (he was fine, and clearly she liked him, but it was just really hard for me to get into it, for reasons that are now clear to me).

2. Mary Elizabeth and Alice (The Perks of Being a Wallflower)
Later that same school year as I discovered Rocky Horror, I chanced on a copy of The Perks of Being a Wallflower. Not only did I fall hopelessly in love with its protagonist Charlie, as I’ve before said, I was delighted by the overlap of it including Rocky Horror as a frequent plot point. It never said who played most of the characters in their shadowcast, but I assumed that as the other girls, Mary Elizabeth played Magenta and Alice played Columbia. As a result, I shipped them. I had very little reason to, but I did.

1. Maureen and Joanne (Rent)
And then I saw Rent that following summer, and there were Maureen and Joanne, and they weren’t the happiest all the time but suddenly I was on my way to Officially Starting To Wonder About Myself.

–your fangirl heroine.

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