I promise I’m working on a mix album for next week. It’s just that I know that the two this week are going to lead to my girl Mercury showing up and I really cannot wait for that to happen because I love her the absolute most. It occurred to me recently that she’s the reason for… most of my fictional lady “things,” honestly.
First an episode about a monster who’s attacking… a talent show, I think. “Usagi Learns Her Lesson: Becoming A Star Is Hard Work.”
Energy drink. Advertised by a celebrity I don’t remember but who’s probably going to be the monsterbait this episode.
Oh my gosh Umino’s ancient laptop.
Discovered right here in town. “Town” being Tokyo. That’s not really that surprising, random classmate.
“New spring series: Rock! Paper! Scissors! With Mikan.”
And once again, Jadeite preys on the semi-culturally compulsive interests of teenage girls.
“Just before my thought circuits short out.”
I also like that they’re singing along to… the themesong of the show. And making up a terrible dance.
I know why this episode had to happen before Ami, she wouldn’t put up with this shit. And/or she’d be secretly really way better at everything.
How does leaning forward and placing a paw on something constitute “sorry.”
Naru-chan manipulating Umino’s crush on Usagi to get him to… be in her dance routine?
Oh the terrifying shower monster who just transformed into the celebrity.
“The Cinderella Caravan.” Why is Cinderella such a role model? I mean, she’s cool for surviving an abusive family situation and being a good person and stuff, but like… this has nothing to even do with the ways that Cinderella’s life was transformed, you know? She didn’t have a talent show talent.
What the hell even is that dress that fake Mikan is wearing.
Poor Luna. Having to deal with this. Luna is basically Pepper Potts.
“You don’t understand the innocent dreams of young girls.” And neither does Mamoru, who is a jerk.
Oh my gosh where is Haruna-sensei to be like “stop it y’all.”
EVIL DISCO BALL
I’m still confused why Umino-kun has to be dressed up like a girl for their song and dance number.
“A fresh batch of energy.”
Aw Luna knocking on the door with her tiny kitty paw.
I don’t know why that little-bad is scarier than the others have been. Because it was in the body of a famous celebrity?
I also think it’s interesting that the energy batches only ever target like 20 people.
Sailor Moon is really, really good at dramatic entrances.
I know. Tuxedo Kamen could break the glass that came out of the shower monster’s mouth.
“You’re the star of this show now, Sailor Moon.” And then he leaves. He is the most useless character in the world.
It was definitely Moon Tiara Magic in the dub I grew up with. Moon Tiara Action makes marginally more sense, though, in a way.
There’s Usagi acting sorry, and it is the literal most ridiculous.
Anyway. Now onto MY GIRL MY DARLING.
Oh yeah, this monster threw report cards at people.
“Is The Girl Genius A Demon?! The Brainwashing Cram School Of Horror.” That is so freaking beautiful.
“So many human schoolhchildren have been made miserable because they are forced to study.” As Queen Beryl and Jadeite accurately analyze the flaws of a cultural obsession with fancy education as a status thing. “So what do children do after they leave a first rate university?” “I have no idea…” “I see.”
I don’t understand how hair color works in this cartoon. Honestly.
“Your destiny is to find the princess” YOU ARE THE PRINCESS
And Luna admitting that she’s not really sure what the monsters are either.
Luna and the control center in the video game. And everyone thinks Ami is a monster because she emits strange energy because she’s Sailor Mercury.
Ah, yes, Ami’s IQ of 300. I know Ami’s IQ and do not know my own.
And everyone misunderstands poor Ami-chan’s shyness for snobbery.
And Ami befriends Luna immediately because she’s a very sweet girl oh darling I have so many feelings about you.
FRIENDS WHO ARE LADIES THIS IS SO IMPORTANT TOO.
Oh and Ami is melting because nobody ever takes the time to be nice to her and now she’s worried that if she does too well people will think she’s showing off but she doesn’t say.
:”Studying is the only thing I’m good at.” Baby girl.
The floppy disk is being used to suck energy. And Ami’s like “lolnope I don’t like this disk.”
“I’d hardly call it creeping.” No, Mamoru, it is definitely creeping.
OH MY GOSH and the floppy disk program is white lettering on a blue screen. And no Luna, but the disk isn’t something she’s perpetrating it’s something she has oh my goodness.
I like that she had to transform into looking like a doctor to… run into the building.
And Ami-chan’s probably like “what the hell is this naked girl doing twirling in circles in my cram school. Where did that come from.”
Evil monster who’s just preying extra on Ami ‘cause she’s super smart.
“Gifted minds are here to better mankind! I won’t allow them to fall into the hands of evil.” She also really got the hang of making inspirational speeches quickly.
And the monster is asking her academic questions and pelting her with razor exams that disappear once the questions are correctly answered. And now all the students are zombies this is also an effective metaphor.
THE MARK OF MERCURY and Luna flips in the air and makes a new magic pen. I’m so happy right now. I’m also happy that even Luna’s already calling her “Ami-chan.”
Mercury baby girl.
“Bubble Spray” is slightly less menacing than “Mercury Bubbles Blast.” I also love that her attack is basically just “make it foggy so the little-bad can’t see.”
I really love that it has to be “pretty sailor guardian,” not just “Sailor Scout.”
And things will totally be better! Because Ami is just as logical as Luna is and oh my gosh she’s just shaking Usagi’s hand.
–your fangirl heroine.