Actually, I lied. Sort of. Tomorrow and Friday will be True Blood-themed posts, because this is my last official True Blood Week ever, but, well. There really wasn’t much this year that pinged me for Whedonverse comparisons, and there was next to nothing in this season that could be classed as whimsical (as with last season, even the clothes were distressingly… unexciting, though I’m sure that’s because there’s no place for corsets when you’re fighting a killer disease, but then again, corsets are a lot more fun than killer diseases and I am just as angry about the wardrobe-boringness as I was last year, and what I decided that seasons 1-5 were more Marvel, they knew what they were and really went for it even if it was ridiculous, and seasons 6-7 were DC, they were a lot grimmer and more “realistic” and had more manpain flashbacks, and anyway that’s just a rant
“Don’t underestimate the abilities of girls! We can do a lot more than just cry!” This episode is also called “Girls Unite: the End of Jadeite.” Sounds like violent, completely reasonable misandry! Otherwise known as the thing I’m the most in the mood for ever. But especially this week.
Omg triple spotlights. While he furrows his brow and tries to make excuses that Queen Beryl will not here. “The Sentence of Eternal Sleep,” where they are “plunged into the deepest darkness, never to awake again.” Otherwise known as… death.
“Your crushes are like bubbles in the ocean. They only last a moment.” Wise words, Luna.
Ahaha and Jadeite just appears in the sky summoning them to… the airport? Threatening Tokyo with a sea of flames.
“We must always face evil’s challenge!” “But we’d be walking right into a trap.” Rei’s overconfidence and Ami’s analytical hesitation and then Usagi doesn’t want to go.
At least everyone else saw the hallucination in the sky. And Usagi is using studying as an excuse to make everyone else not go because they want to rubberneck the disaster.
“Part of your charm is that you have your own point of view.”
And her shoe… of course her shoe hit Mamoru on the head, because in a big city like Tokyo it’s easy to run into each other constantly.
I’m so confused about why Jadeite chose to have this showdown at the airport. Like, just because the runways are large, flat areas?
Rei is just like “oh look the thing let’s go!” and Usagi’s like “no no I’m scared” and Ami’s like “let’s think about this first.” And maybe they should transform while they’re on the train to save time.
And the police officers have been hypnotized into attacking. “What’s wrong with our government, hiring people like this?!”
There you go, Ami. Now you transform. Now Rei. Now Usagi.
MERCURY’S SCIENCE GLASSES AND COMPUTER “they’re not real humans! They’re just clay golems!” Analyzing all the things.
“Sailor Mars, you’re so awesome!” “Well, yeah.”
Moon and Mars argue Mercury is like “nope do not do that.”
“I’ll send you pathetic kids to the depths of hell!” says Jadeite, then magicking up an airplane to drive at them.
Luna insists that they not blast the airplanes with fire because they’re too expensive to replace.
But then… Tuxedo Kamen shows up and because he hits Jadeite with a rose the airplanes stop driving. And then Tuxedo Kamen stands there with his cape billowing dramatically and he and Jadeite fly at each other in the sky. And Jadeite emerges, laughing evilly.
Jadeite: Your last hope, Tuxedo Mask, is now dead! Go on and cry! Do you need a man to do everything for you?! Women are such shallow, useless creatures.
Mars: Only old-fashioned idiots like you still believe in nonsense like that!
Mercury: Right! Denigrating women is a relic of the feudal age!
Moon: No more discrimination!
All three: All right! Let’s show that jerk what girls are made of!
THIS IS THE MOST BLESSEDLY BRILLIANT THING I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.
And his technique is to… chase them with an airplane again. Because he can’t just do magic, he has to magic the airplane. They’re figuring that out, though! And they’re going to do the thing together!!!! TEAMWORK. Mercury’s bubbles are fogging it up so Mars can sneak up behind him and blast him with one of her paper-charms that will make the airplanes chase him because his mental powers aren’t working because of Mars’ charm
And oh my gosh THE TEAMWORK the CALLING OUT HIS BULLSHIT
HIM GETTING RUN OVER BY AN AIRPLANE
And then being banished to eternal slumber in an ice crystal thingy (that is kind of the standard punishment in this show).
And heeeere comes Nephrite.
Oh look Tuxedo Kamen isn’t dead!!! “Why do you always come to our aid?” Mercury asks. He doesn’t answer but tells them to cherish their bond before flying off uselessly into nowhere.
Evil tennis monster!
Now since we’re onto a new middle-bad we’ve got a slightly different intro. “I’m friends with the kindhearted girl genius, Ami Mizuno! And Rei Hino, the hotheaded psychic! Both of them seem to have it a little more together than I do… but, oh well, guess I just gotta do my best!”
Nephrite is planning on targeting individual victims, rather than groups. Using the energy of the starts.
Oh my god and Zoisite floating in just to taunt Nephrite and then disappearing into rose petals. I’m so excited for Zoisite that’s actually properly a boy.
Nephrite hanging out in an old mansion-sanctuary thing in the woods to do his star sign divination. He’s going to be targeting the tennis player who was running away from the paparazzi. Who actually looks a lot like Sailor Jupiter, but isn’t. Also the tennis player, Rui, is old friends with Naru-chan, which basically insists that she’s going to be monster bait.
Everyone’s fangirling over Nephrite for being so handsome but omg he actually looks like a big skeezy dick. And nobody finds it odd that he could just vault over the chain link fence, of course not. Also at least Nephrite’s fake names don’t just sound like his real name. And he’s magicking up the tennis racket and it hypnotizes her and nobody notices that the pupils of her eyes disappear momentarily or that the tennis ball burns a hole in the cement.
Awww, look at the sad little boys being defeated like hell.
But it’s a good thing they’re friends ‘cause Naru realizes something is wrong.
“The enemy’s organization.” Yes, Luna, they do work after human energy. You haven’t noticed that’s what’s going on?
And Ami’s insisting on training and things before they go fight the bad guy. And standing up for Usagi when the others call her foolish.
Yes, now Rui is all possessed and evil and Naru knows there’s mischief afoot. So much that she’s having Usagi over to worry at. And a very brightly colored adorable flashback of them as children.
Bad feelings. Leading to a plan being formulated. Leading to witnessing the possessed girl’s evil tennis. Leading to trying to stop the possessed girl by talking to her. Leading to OHNOTHEMONSTER there is a shadow baby emerging from the tennis racket and turning into a bodybuilder with stupid hair and a jumpsuit.
Usagi, I don’t know if it’s a good idea for you to take this on by yourself, sweetling.
I like that she keeps presuming that famous people would be offended.
And the little-bad surrounded her by a tennis ball to bounce her around. Luckily Tuxedo Mask is there to say… not much and then attack her with his extendable dapper walking stick. He finally did something other than throw roses and be vague.
Oh no something mysterious made Tuxedo Kamen light up weirdly.
And now the little-bad explodes into glitter and then into a disintegrating shadow. Just as Mars and Mercury show up with Luna to observe that she did a good thing.
And all Usagi can think about is Tuxedo Kamen. Of course.
–your fangirl heroine.