Whimsy Wednesday :: Disney princess merchandising for big girls

Remember how I was talking about gendered Disneyland?  Well, the absolute lack of satisfying princess merchandise that I could buy got me curious.  What Disney merchandise exists for grown-up girls?  By merchandise, I mean I’m undertaking to Google Shopping search for each of the princesses plus the words Disney, t-shirt, and women, then looking over the first page in curiosity.

Snow White: exactly eight of the shirts on the front page actually starred and/or featured Snow White herself, in animation; four starred and/or featured a dwarf, and two had the evil queen.  (Does Snow White’s queen have a name?  I just looked, and it said she was called Grimhilde in “some of the media,” but.)  One featured the phrase “Looking For Mr. Right” and nothing else but floral decoration.
Cinderella: exactly seven of the shirts on the front page actually starred and/or featured Cinderella herself, in animation.  Three had a carriage, three had shoes (one of which included the inscription “Princesses Must Have Shoes”).
Aurora: all of the Aurora t-shirts actually featured princesses (some of them were the wrong princess, but hey).  I particularly enjoyed this one, which made her look like Rainbow Brite:

Ariel: they all seemed to have Ariel on them, which is probably because Ariel’s name is not also the title of her canon.  They had a couple of tank tops with seashells over the boobs, which was… sort of odd, but okay.
Belle: twelve of the shirts on the front page actually featured Belle; multiple of them were not featuring cartoons at all, which was odd, because those hadn’t shown up on any of the other princesses.  I also note that there is ridiculous merchandise on Etsy like this:

Jasmine: all of these seemed to have princesses on them, though only six (more with duplicate listings) were of Jasmine by herself and not in a group.
Pocahontas: exactly one of these had Pocahontas on it.  And it was a shirt of her and Jasmine smoking a hookah.
Mulan: twelve of these had Mulan herself on them, so why weren’t any of them at Disneyland?
Tiana: five of these (more with duplicate listings, of which there were many) had Tiana herself, one of them had Tiana by herself and not in a group.  And most of them were for little girls, not adults.
Rapunzel: eight of these had Rapunzel herself.

And for my own purposes, I’m looking to see about

Sally: there are plenty of Sally t-shirts!  There’s the “true love” one that bothered me, and a “together forever” one too (which is silly; I mean, they didn’t even maybe get together until the end of the movie) but there are plenty of others, so why weren’t any of them at Disneyland?
Merida: there are exactly two t-shirts listed over and over.  And both are for girls, not women.

–your fangirl heroine.

 

Fictional Friday :: 6 more real life faces for more Disney princesses

The term “princess” being used loosely, and to define basically any Disney heroine.  (Anyway, the ones that aren’t properly royalty are often the most badass.  Mulan.  What.)

6. Alison Brie (Snow White, Snow White and the Seven Dwarves)

Much like how I imagine Reese Witherspoon can speak to mice, I imagine Alison Brie can in fact understand birdsong and whatnot.  She’s just the cutest ever.

5. Elle Fanning (Alice, Alice in Wonderland)

We wanted an Alice who was actually close to Alice-age.  Because Mia Wasikowska was a rad grown-up Alice, but Alice isn’t grown up in the cartoon.  (Not that most of our other casting choices aren’t grown up, but Alice is younger than the others, so it works.  Okay?  Also, Elle would just be a fantastic Alice.)

4. Jennifer Hudson (Tiana, The Princess and the Frog)

She’s a good fit.  She’s triumphed over professional adversities and stuff, like Tiana.  She didn’t win American Idol, but she kept at it, and then she won an Oscar.  So.

3. Liza Lapira (Mulan, Mulan)

So technically, she’s part-Chinse, part-Filipino, part-Spanish, but I think she’s adorable, and I love her, and I think she could be a super badass.

2. Moon Bloodgood (Pocahontas, Pocahontas)

A lot of Hollywood actresses have some Native American heritage.  But a lot of the are the ones who look like Cameron Diaz, who have some, but it doesn’t count for much.  I’ve only seen Moon Bloodgood in the most recent Terminator, really, but she does have the most awesome name of all time, so that counts for something.

1. Lara Pulver (Meg, Hercules)

Meg is my favorite.  Meg is my girl.  We’d originally discussed Maggie Siff as Meg, which I thought would have been equally brilliant, but my friend said “OH!  What about the girl who’s Irene on Sherlock?”  I hadn’t yet watched this season (and I’ve only watched the first episode, so don’t spoil me, I don’t have a good excuse, but I haven’t got around to the other two yet, I’m a busy girl) so I made a mental note.  Then I watched it.  And I went holy hot damn.  Irene is also my girl.  It makes perfect sense.  (And I didn’t realize until right now that Lara Pulver also played Sookie’s fairy godmother on True Blood, so that’s irrelevant, but my mind is still a little blown.)

–your fangirl heroine.

Sarcastic Saturday :: the ever-popular analysis of (largely nonexistent) Disney parents

Disney parents have this wacky habit of not being present in the stories: sometimes they’re dead, sometimes they’re just not there and we can assume they’re dead.  I’m sure I’m not the first to make this list, but hey.  This can mean various things for the story, but it’s a crutch I find strange.  A lot of the fables rely on it, and it’s not bad or good, just odd.  I’m also only going to discuss the humanoid characters, because if I got into all the animals with dead parents, I’d be going on all night.

Snow White: her father’s dead, and she’s got a wicked stepmother.
Pinocchio: he’s a puppet, and therefore has no biological parents, but his “father” Geppetto doesn’t have a female counterpart.
Cinderella: her mother’s dead, her father marries an aristocrat lady to give her female influence, then her father dies and said lady turns out to be evil.  (Really, she and Snow White are exactly the same.)
Alice in Wonderland: well, Alice’s parents are never present in the film, but her big sister is.  Presumably the parents are alive, but they’re irrelevant.
Peter Pan: the Darlings are existent.  But the kids run away from them, so there’s that.  Also, Wendy has to play mommy.
Sleeping Beauty: her parents are present, but she’s comatose the entire time, so they’re not that relevant.  And in a way, the coma is almost their fault, since they didn’t invite Maleficent to the party and prompted the coma curse.
The Jungle Book: Mowgli is an orphan and is raised by jungle critters.
everything in the Winnie the Pooh franchise: where are Christopher Robin’s parents?
The Little Mermaid: where is Ariel’s mother?  Is that why King Triton is such a bitch?
Beauty and the Beast: where is Belle’s mother?  Is that why Maurice is such a scatterbrain?  And where are the Beast’s parents at all?
Aladdin: where is Jasmine’s mother?  Is that why the Sultan is such a weirdo?  And Aladdin’s an orphan.
Pocahontas: where is Pocahontas’ mother?  Is that why Chief Powhatan is such a bitch?
The Hunchback of Notre Dame: Quasimodo’s mommy was killed at the beginning and his adoptive dad is a bitch.
Hercules: he’s got birth parents and adoptive parents both.  So, good for him.
Mulan: she’s got parents and a grandmother too!  Even though she runs away from them.  But she does that to save China, so it’s okay.
Tarzan: his parents are killed by jungle critters.
The Emperor’s New Groove: he has no parents, period.
Atlantis: The Lost Empire: (I don’t even remember having seen this, but hey.  Wikipedia.)  The girl hasn’t got a father at all, and her mother dies.
Lilo and Stitch: Lilo and Nani have dead parents, and Nani is being the motherly big sister.  Basically like Buffy to Dawn, but way less cool.
Meet the Robinsons: Louis is at an orphanage, but he’s adopted at the end.
The Princess and the Frog: Tiana’s father is dead; Lottie’s mother is nonexistent.
Tangled: despite her birth parents both being alive, Rapunzel’s got a wicked stepmother.  So she’s got too many parents.

The grand tally: 4 evil stepparents, 10 dead parental pairs, 5 dead/nonexistent parents and single remaining parents, 2 nonexistent parental pairs, 5 present parental pairs.  That brings the total of at least partially nonexistent Disney animated human parents to 80%.

A lot of these films are based on pre-existing stories, so that really begs a deeper question.  What is it about dead or nonexistent parents that just screams children’s story?  Sometimes the girls without one or both parents need saving by an outside man figure, sometimes they can take care of themselves and just happen to fall in love in the mix.  The boys without parents all end up in love, too.  I guess everybody just needs someone?  Is that the message?

Are they just making their own families?  ‘Cause of course once they fall in love, they get married.  An interesting notion.

–your fangirl heroine.

Sarcastic Saturday :: the depressing truth about the world’s youth as represented by Disney princesses’ relative popularities

This, too, stems from recollections of my most recent trips to Disney parks.  I’m not around children 24/7 or even 4/7 really, so I’m using the sample data I can, and I’m fully aware that it might be skewed, but.

Little girls are not exposed to princesses worth a damn, period.  Sure, they could be if their parents or older siblings tried, but just look at the marketing of the various Disney princesses.  Even just take the packet of coloring sheets I bought last year (I am just that awesome, and pictures of my steampunk Belle and vampire Snow White will appear some day, I’m sure): out of twenty sheets, four featured Snow White.  Five featured Sleeping Beauty.  Four featured Cinderella.  (Exception to the rule, but Belle was on a grand total of seven.)  Five featured Ariel.  Two featured Jasmine.  One featured Mulan, and that was one of the group shots.  I didn’t even realize before that and trips to Disney parks that little girls even watched Sleeping Beauty anymore.  It certainly wasn’t one of my generation’s pet movies.  The princesses that still get marketed are far and away the ones who didn’t do anything.

Consider.

Snow White: Was so pretty she was banished by her stepmother.  Cooked and cleaned for some dwarves.  Was poisoned.  Got kissed by a prince and all was better.
Sleeping Beauty: Was used in an evil bitch’s vengeance plot.  Sewed some things.  Poked her finger.  Got kissed by a prince and all was better.
Cinderella: Was so pretty her stepmother and stepsisters hated her.  Cooked and cleaned for them.  Put on a pretty dress.  Got kissed by a prince and all was better.
Belle: (Who I may have a bias towards because I’ve always loved her, but.)  Read some books.  Loved someone for their ~inner beauty~.  Kissed some prince and all was better.  <— See, that is at least slightly better.  She was proactive.  And intellectual.
Ariel: Sang pretty.  Got her voice taken away by the sea witch ’cause it was too pretty.  Also vengeance plots were involved.  Almost died.  Got kissed by a prince and all was better.  <— At least Ariel was slightly spunky while being doormatty.
Jasmine: Was pretty.  Was all “oh, I want to go outside” except not.  Wacky vengeance plots ensued.  Kissed some street urchin and all is better.
Mulan: Was tomboyish.  Pretended to be a boy.  Kicked some major ass.  Saved her damn country.  Kissed a guy who totally Twelfth Nightishly loved even boy-her and all was better.  <— SEE?  SEE?  Eons better.
AND THOSE NOT ON THE COLORING SHEETS (some “unofficial”):
Pocahontas: Was pretty and natural.  Refused to marry Kokomo.  Fell in love with a pretty white guy.  Saved him from death and all was better.  <— SAVING, AGAIN.  Somewhat acceptable.
Tiana: I’ll admit I haven’t yet seen The Princess and the Frog.  So, no comment?
Rapunzel: Ditto Tangled.  I’m a terrible twenty-year-old Disney fan.
Meg: (Yes.  From Hercules.  I completely count her, even though nobody else on the planet does, apparently.)  Makes a deal with Hades ’cause of her old lover.  (OMFG SHE ISN’T A VIRGIN.)  Falls in love.  Almost dies.  Got kissed by some demigod and all was better.  <— At least she’s still a liberated woman.
Alice: Fell down a hole.  Had some adventures.  Woke up.  <— At least there’s no magic man kiss involved?
Giselle: Got tricked into falling down a hole.  Had some adventures.  Got poisoned.  Got kissed by Patrick Dempsey and all was better.
Nala: Was a lion cub.  Played around.  Kissed/got kissed by her lion bestie and all was better.  <— Sort of doesn’t count, but.
Maid Marian: Does anyone even still watch Robin Hood ever?

Yet who gets marketed the most?  The simpering ones who wear pretty dresses all the time, do household chores, are walked all over by xyz authority figure (who is always in addition to being evil notably ugly), and then are saved by a man.  And the ass-kicking epic woman of empowerment who saves everyone is… barely noticed at all.  Eight-year-olds of this generation probably haven’t even seen Mulan.  The generation of everyone right now ages 17-22 who truly grew up with it can still bust out a good old

Let’s get down to business to defeat the Huns!

(And then there’s also the middling issue of, y’know, that the princesses that get pimped out the most are the pretty Caucasian ones, if you want to go there.  Disney has been remedying this as of late with their vigorous pimping of Tiana, being as she’s all African-American and whatnot, but good old Native American Pocahontas and Asian Mulan and, uhm.  African lion Nala.  They’re still in the dust.  Whether or not this is intentional, I don’t know.  It’s still troublesome, though.)

I give Ariel and Jasmine points for personality, even if they didn’t really do anything.  Belle gets points for being intelligent and having a good moral message.  Meg gets points for being potentially subversive.  Snow White?  Sleeping Beauty?  Cinderella?  Just need to go surrender some merchandise for Mulan, okay???? What sort of world are we leaving for our children where the message they get is “saving the world isn’t important.  Being pretty and doing household chores and getting the guy is.”

Yeah.  I’ll be letting my theoretical daughter(s) enjoy all the classics, but they will also be learning to enjoy strong women elsewhere.

 

–your fangirl heroine.