Whimsy Wednesday :: in which nothing makes any sense and everything is bad.

5 Jan

Boy howdy, we are trying to watch this on our television and Blu-ray player and it is being stubborn. I’m giving it five more minutes before I nope out and go back to doing it traditionally.

So it’s start-stopped and start-stopped and what the hell and all this has really done is given me time to go why the hell is it only the second episode of season 2 and Sailor Mars just got effing kidnapped to the Black Moon.

“Usagi, you need to calm down!” no…….I don’t actually think she does though

Also it’s interesting that in Crystal they rearranged Usagi’s bedroom kind of and made her bed more Western-style. By interesting I mean “well ok then.”

The image quality is pretty decent on a television, if it would just stream properly.

I would also like to point out that the ads streamed perfectly. It’s just that the video is stuttering.

Shame. Shame. Shame.

Luna is talking about how Usagi understands deep down. No. No she doesn’t. Her best girlfriend just got kidnapped by a space monster.

Why the everloving hell does Mamoru have a plushie of himself as Tuxedo Mask. Holy shit.

I mean, because he’s a narcissist.

“Did you have a bad dream, little one?” asks the talking cat, never mind the fact that this will be potentially a sign of a bad dream of itself.

Where did Mamoru get childsized pajamas?

I guess they could be teenager-sized pajamas. But really.

SHE IS YOUR MOMMY

I also definitely love how the dub actors pronounce the Japanese names as American as humanly possible. Not.

OKAY SO they’re getting into the chess plot……… already. This means Koan disappeared. This means no redemption arc for the Spectre Sisters, because they had to create one for the Four Kings of Heaven last season. I don’t care if that’s more like the manga, it’s fucking dumb.

Ah yes and here begins the completely unnatural rivalry between mother and daughter for the future father. My favorite. Not.

“Let’s just give it a bit more time, ‘kay?” WHY HAS EVERYONE FORGOTTEN THAT SAILOR MARS GOT FUCKING KIDNAPPED “Cheer up Usako, please” NO MY GIRLFRIEND GOT KIDNAPPED FUCK OFF

Also like, I love that all of the monarchies in this canon are so nonsensical and not actually familial most of the time. If Demande is a prince then shouldn’t Saphir also be a prince? Like, they are brothers. So. That is literally how monarchies work.

Yes but like…that would make sense.

So Rubeus tried to break Sailor Mars. That’s classy. Remember when the bad guys kidnapped everyone all at once or didn’t succeed at kidnapping anyone? That was somehow less weird.

Wow Berthier sounds… wrong. I can’t even explain it, she just sounds wrong.

Also not only are the Spectre Sisters not getting redemption arcs, they’re being woefully underdeveloped???? Like, the Spectre Sisters are not one and done little bads. They’re middle bads, dammit.

Some track (?) jocks are complaining about their sinks being broken. Ami, wandering by, is going to “~listen to the water~” and figure out what’s wrong with the pipes. Ok u guys you don’t have time for indulging in the Spectre Sisters’ glorious misandry but you have time to waste on the broken fucking pipes in the boys’ locker room?????????????????

“Water divining without a rod or pendulum is practically heresy” that…is not what that word means lol

So I just looked it up. Koan does in fact only last one mission in the manga, which implies that all of them only last one mission in the manga probably

Oh good Ami is thinking about Rei being kidnapped with her eyes closed floating in the swimming pool and worrying I’m glad someone remembers

How is Ami’s father the member of the swim club Ami’s father literally doesn’t even live here he’s divorced from her mother now they’re talking about how he’s divorced from her mom and a painter okay that’s correct but he doesn’t even live here I thought am I just misremembering this?

Good. Fucking. Grief. How the hell is Berthier appearing on television for her participation in the chess tournament in her fucking leotard and calling Ami out on television like

She’s not even being subtle

No wonder she only lasts one mission in this version probably she fucking is the worst at being subtle and this is saying a lot because original anime Berthier was not exactly a subtle creature.

Well. All of these gratuitous start-stops are at least giving me the opportunity to unleash maximum salt on this nonsense retelling.

Wow.

Okay.

Berthier just called Ami “Sailor Mercury” in front of a live audience. They’re applauding. She came to this chess tournament in her bullshit leotard with her dark crystal and then she was like “Sailor Mercury Sailor Mars if you win I’ll give her back” sidenote: gay

This is some DeviantArt bullshit up in here.

“So the Black Moon is after Chibi-usa” okay so they’re just jumping straight into it

Berthier is preying on Ami’s emotions and fear of losing people and using Sailor Mars as an example and now Ami has issues because her daddy walked out on them???? Ok

This is stupid

“Berthier appeared in Act 16 of the manga as the architect of 002: Operation Remove. An expert dowser, her goal was to find Chibiusa and the Sailor Senshi with her dowsing ability, kill them and infiltrate Tokyo with Droids. She was thus challenged by Ami Mizuno to a chess match as a pretext for luring the Senshi to her. She managed to trap Sailor Mercury in a water current before she was killed by Sailor Moon’s Moon Princess Halation. The water current – with Mercury in it – was then taken by Rubeus to Nemesis.” Quoth the wiki.

Except in Crystal she challenges Ami to the chess match? So????

Okay so Usagi is screaming for Ami to infuse her with the power of love so she can beat Berthier in the chess match this is gay. Except also there’s a weird side of daddy issues?

So I was just looking at a list of dub names and it reminded me that for a little while Ami/Amy had the last name Anderson in the dub I grew up with, but then later she went to using Mizuno when everyone else started using their Japanese last names. The headcanon that I invented in order to explain this is that Ami’s mom is probably a white lady with the last name of Anderson and her dad is a Japanese dude with the last name of Mizuno and there you have it.

Sailor Mercury has now divined with her science glasses that the droids from the Black Moon are in fact droids – “some sort of robot” – and not actual sentient flesh beings.

SHINE SNOW ILLUSION uh since when

And if Usagi and Mako and Minako are all. You know. There to watch. Why haven’t they joined in this fight yet? Oh there they are.

Now Mercury got kidnapped.

What.

The.

Fuck.

–your fangirl heroines.

not20here20for20your20shit

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