Thanks to external motivation, I actually managed to slam through Stranger Things relatively around the time of its big popularity. I am actually kind of the worst at binging in a time-sensitive fashion, because although I appreciate the theoretical concept of it I do not currently often have the luxury of that many uninterrupted personal hours, and I am good at making excuses. But we had, as I say, external motivation to do Stranger Things, and it’s only eight episodes, so two a night for four nights was easily achievable.
We finished last week and I was thinking “how am I going to blog about this?” Drift partner has consistently pointed out that among other things the show is 2spoopy for her, so I said maybe I would write a 0spoopy spoiler-free summary of the show. Then it occurred to me that the only way to do that would pretty much be to summarize the characters, because it’s pretty much plot from the first scene.
Also the typography, which is A+++ genre-perfect. I have seen a few movies in the genre that this pays homage to, of the era, and they did excellent picking their fonts.
Anyway! The noteworthy characters (consider this a helpful guide if you plan on traversing tumblr, want to know who everyone is, but don’t want to watch the show).
Joyce Byers: is Winona Ryder, so that’s pretty cool. She is a working mom and the world seems pretty determined to screw with her, but she really cares about her people, okay?
Jonathan Byers: I hear there are folks on the internet who are like “oh bb so precious” about him and… I don’t know. Maybe I’m just too queer to understand the appeal, but I would be wary around him if he went to my high school. I think there is good in him, but there’s also a bunch of sketch that I personally cannot with.
Will Byers: he is the wizard child who goes poof.
Jim Hopper: requisite growly angst man with tragic past, basically. At first terrible at listening.
Ted Wheeler: virtually useless human furniture.
Karen Wheeler: she’s trying so hard and it’s just not happening. I feel like she probably has a really arcane interest and/or degree that she doesn’t get to use because it’s not normal or practical and she’s completely lost trying to be normal but she can’t show it.
Nancy Wheeler: 80s AU Sansa, essentially. All boys who are not her biological relations should probably stay 100 feet away from her because they don’t deserve her.
Mike Wheeler: the eagerest beaver to ever be, except he’s also a child and oh my god that was some unnecessary heterosexuality. (That’s a spoiler, I guess, but whatever. Be warned.) Also, Finn Wolfhard is an amazing name.
Holly Wheeler: cute but also virtually useless human furniture.
Dustin Henderson: cleidocranial dysplasia, now you know. But honestly, this kid is a sweet kid and I’d like to buy him some toys because he’s very enthusiastic and honorable.
Lucas Sinclair: I’m cutting the kid some slack. His skepticism was reasonable, although we as the audience knew it was unnecessary. He seemed pretty chill other than that, though.
Eleven: this canon’s laboratory-grown monster murder baby! She’s charming, sincere, and seemed kind of befuddled by heterosexual advances.
Steve Harrington: ehhhhhhhhhhh he is every bad 80s stereotype popular guy. I just cannot.
Martin Brenner: I have no time for spoopy old men.
Barb Holland: yes, okay, she is one of ours and deserves justice and stuff.
–your fangirl heroine.