Spoiler Alert Saturday :: my thoughts on Suicide Squad

3 Sep

Presented in the form of notes I took while drinking an alcohol milkshake during this movie. Just a heads-up, my thoughts are largely not positive.

already these credits are trying to be edgy

ooh much edge

less aerial silk than hoped

yike (re: the scene of Harley getting abused in prison)

wow much soundtrack 3 songs before the intro scenes (note: I tried to keep count and lost track; I counted in the credits and it was 23 different songs – no movie should have 23 songs unless, perhaps, it is an opera)

he’s Deadshot because eye thing

this morality is so simple (re: the Deadshot and daughter scene)

wow look at that lack of development (re: the Harley/Joker “romance”)

ok so he literally brain-injured her

those tattoos are too much (re: specifically the hand on his mouth)

and he pimped her

class

I see potential! wasted (re: Margot Robbie as Harley, which I hold could be great… in a good movie)

Captain Boomerang yike

“the pyrokinetic homeboy” -> fridged gal

oh my god too many songs

if you’ll put words onscreen GIVE TIME TO READ THEM

Dr. June Moone

a secret buried heart

these names are no

blackmail with witch vagina

“these metahumans”

she’s so mousy

she can summon herself

she’s nakedish + tattooed

class

much legit wow (re: the stealing of secret documents)

“are you the devil” “maybe”

whoo racism (I don’t remember what this was re: because it could have been re: so many things)

“nice beer, a woman” ew

BYE flames

pacifist

oh my god Amanda Waller is irresponsible

Rick Flag needs to not

lolol evil Hoyt with evil beard

edgelord weapon party

Joker just literally growled at that dude

I don’t foresee this ending well

why does she radiate smokey sparkles

she freed her incest brother and loosed him into a black man to converse in hissy subtitles

why was this the plan

incest bro has evil octopus powers

what the fuck

tracking chips

“you one of them deaf hos”

jesus Minecraft/furry shoot-up

what culture even (re: Enchantress)

“just get it done” worst boyfriend (re: Rick)

incest bro who is an 8 foot glowing Egyptian tiger infused her with power

now she’s fancy and not dusty

too obvious and ableist (re: Harley, I assume)

racial diversity buuuuut

her accent comes and goes

Midway City

Katana has a fridged husband

ruh roh

let’s cut this Mr. J shit

couldn’t we have post-Joker Harley

alien monsters

many gun

why monsters tho

mallet AND bat?

oh maybe they’re enchantspawn

so many growl

ah yes succubi’d blob men

Margot Robbie deserves better

“Capture the Flag”

people who live in glass houses shouldn’t start gunfights

Margot is having fun at least?

she swam in chemicals for him?

WITH HIM?

what is dead may never die

this should be a movie about Harley breaking up with the Joker

Wall just shot randoms

how is her ear not falling off (re: Harley’s too many earrings)

Harley he would throw you to the wolves

ewww

his voice is so over

you’re better off (re: without the Joker)

incest bro is skyjacking

if you kill Wall fuck you (they didn’t)

that’s right baby be free (re: Harley)

these are your true friends (again, re: Harley – I have a lot of feelings about Harley for someone who’s never actually read anything with Harley or seen the original cartoons)

I sad

Bechdel pass?

more tentacles christ

“we’re going to the swirling ring of trash in the sky, ’cause why wouldn’t we?”

he fridged his own wife (re: Diablo)

“we don’t want you here” same

I like the attempts at serious

ehhh no pussies plz

Croc is uhhhh

this looks like it was designed by goth kids’ theatre camp

the incest sibs are problematic

she is gyrating (re: Enchantress)

bullshit Harley wants the suburbs

Diablo is smart

what the fuck

magical regenerating tiger man

why

“it’s on bitch” as he grows to another light god demon

Margot Robbie deserves better

t b h Enchantress is a Sailor Moon villain

she’s tentacling Waller?

does she stop being shiny without her heart

my dad really wants Joker fetch to happen

so Harley is fuckin with

yas

wowow

they’ve fucked up every building

lol yike heteros

sewer

now they’re in FANCY jail

well the end should not be like that

yike strobe credits

well Bats is bribing Wall for info

–your fangirl heroine.

sideeye

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: