Spoiler Alert Saturday :: my thoughts on X-Men: Apocalypse

18 Jun
  1. Oh my Sophie if only you had been Jean Grey in a more cohesive film. You were wonderful but. Yeah.
  2. Lana Condon as Jubilee and Alexandra Shipp as Storm didn’t have enough to do but they were cool also.
  3. If they mess up X-23 I am going to do murder on drift partner’s behalf.
  4. I wish Rose Byrne’s entire role hadn’t been to be shocked and/or confused and/or starstruck.
  5. So Psylocke (Olivia Munn) is the next villain?
  6. Also her costume was straight-up terrible.
  7. I snorted softly at many moments in this film, ones I probably wasn’t supposed to snort at
  8. I also dryly muttered “a-ha-ha” at every attempt at metahumor.
  9. I straight-up chortled at “you’re going to need a bigger house” or whatever, though.
  10. Super cool how they gave Magneto (Michael Fassbender) a wife and daughter (Carolina Bartczak and T.J. McGibbon) literally just so they could murder them so he was sad.
  11. That was also just… a ridiculous murdering. An accidentally-shot arrow hit both of them through the heart?
  12. I spent a good half of the time Magneto was present having to bite my tongue so I did not start singing “Night Surgeon” from Repo! with modified lyrics. (“Remember who you are / I reMEEEEMber / remember what you did to Magda / remember who you are / I reMEEEMber / remember what you did to her.”)
  13. I also spent most of the sequence where Apocalypse (Oscar Isaac) and Magneto were building pyramids and disasters out of sand and metal garbage biting my tongue so I did not start singing “Let It Go.”
  14. I am not comfortable with the amount of adult male face-touching Jean partook in.
  15. I wish I’d been taking notes like I did during Batman V Superman, honestly.

–your fangirl heroine.

omg20no20those20assholes

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