Whimsy Wednesday :: in which there are evil donuts, candy wrappers, and Chibiusa has terrible taste in boys

20 Apr

YOU GUYS IT IS TIME FOR BLACK DREAM HOLE THIS IS MY FAVORITE OF THE MOVIES BECAUSE IT IS THE DUMBEST AND ALSO MOST QUOTABLE

“More so than any candy, your smile can make the world a sweeter place.”

Hypnotized children! Awaking in a town in cartoon Switzerland or something as a creepy pied piper pipes.

Oh my god you can sing along with this video there are sing along captions

The kids are now being loaded onto a giant flying boat.

Who is this mysterious large-eyed boy watching?  I wonder

Childhood flashbacks! Of the girls! They’re all so tiny and cute.

Also it is very weird to hear a voice that was in my childhood cartoons coming out of Sailor Moon lol

“You guys are seriously not good cooks,” Mako – er, Lita – sighs about her friends as they make cookies.

Ami/y has a nice story about making cookies with her mother when she was a kid.  Now ~Lita is reminiscing about her mom making cookies when she was a kid.  Her parents who are not present in the actual plot and I’m pretty sure they’re dead by now?  They’ve never been mentioned before, anyway.

“Too bad cats don’t bake cookies.”  Oh Diana

The little “mew?” is hilarious

“I bet that if I give some of my cookies to Darien he’d love to eat them.”

I’m snickering

OH NO ~RINI HAS FOUND A NEW MAGICAL BOY

At least this one is a person with wings, not a horse with wings.

“Mew I am a cat”

SWEET HOUSE

“You’re a sweet, interesting kid” says magical boy.  OH BROTHER, says me.

He can make cookies dance with his twirly flute?  YES INTRODUCE YOURSELF.  This is a great plan.  Introduce yourself to… Peruru.  ~Rini is like 10.  She is not supervised properly.

“On a recent shopping trip to the mall”

Imagine spot with sad rain

“In the world today there have been alarming reports of children missing at night”

It is genuinely shocking to me the things ~Rini will get herself into because she subconsciously misses her resurrected tiny girlfriend

~Lita has a miniskirt made out of a puffy life vest or something.

“Do you hear some sort of musical instrument playing a tune?”

YES AMI SCIENCE THE TUNE

“Something sinister is happening”

All of the children pass out together when the flute stops.

“Do you call the act of kidnapping children innocent?” Mina shouts.

CANDY WRAPPERS

Candy blob monsters here to attack

“Evil candies????”

“GO BON BON BABIES”

“Everyone, let’s transform!”

Because the cat should always need to remind you to suit up when you’re being attacked by candy monsters.

This is so joyously stupid I love it so much.

I don’t even know what Mercury just SAID or Mars.  It sounded like “MERCURY BASH!” “FLASH!” that’s not proper attacks.

Their coordinated arm movements I love this shit so much

“We are also here to punish you!”

Now he’s magicking up a hallucinatory field of flowers and a GINGERBREAD HOUSE hypnotism you can tell because their pupils disappear.

I like how Artemis has to explain what’s happening, for particularly stupid children.

They’re all chibi it’s so

And Tuxedo Mask intervenes!!!  With extra dramatic music.  “DON’T BITE INTO THE DONUT SAILOR MOON, IT’S DANGEROUS!”  The most dramatic entrance ever for the most hilarious line EVER

“So?  YOU WON’T STOP ME” shouts flute boy I DO WHAT I WANT

Peruru is here to stop his evil flautist cohort!  “But Pupulan!”  WORST NAME

I cannot take you seriously if your name has “poo” in it

So a magical space woman is gathering children with promises of eternal happiness but it is not that simple, obviously.  Peruru has seen through the plan.

TUXEDO MASK BIFFS IT

Tuxedo Mask should have died like three times in this scene alone

“Ah-heh-ha-ha-ha-heh-ha”

There is a weird cloud palace that looks… like it is made of fancy art bongs and/or dildos

The flying boats, of which there are several, descend inside

“Welcome, children,” says the evil queen of dildo candyland.

“Who’s in charge?” ~Mini Moon demands upon seeing the large collections of glass coffins full of children.

“How would you like to get in the dream box?  You must be tired after your journey.  SOON YOU WILL.”  And then she proceeds to explain her entire plan for the Black Dream Hole to ~Mini Moon.  She too wants to swallow the Earth and put everyone in frozen dream boxes.

Black Dream Hole still sounds like a terrible vagina euphemism

~Serena is getting emotional talking about ~Rini.  Peruru reminds them it is time to get going to save everyone from the Black Dream Hole.

“I wonder if he’s leading us into a trap, too.”  As Venus sulks.

He’s flashing back.  “FAIRIES PLEASE ASSIST ME NOW.”

“I’m sensing some powerful sinister force here,” says Mars, touching her head.  Mercury begins to science it and now the Dream Castle is visible.

Literally? Dildos????? I JUST

Mercury Shine Aqua Illusion’d the literal cannonballs.

“WHAT HAVE YOU BECOME”

CANDY WRAPPERS

I think they are evil candy lizards.  Obviously.

“There’s nowhere to go!”

BUT WAIT OUT OF LITERALLY NOWHERE

“Yes, could it be?”  SPACE LESBIANS

“Too much candy can make you sick.  I’m Sailor Uranus”  “It’s our turn to give these candies cavities. I’m Sailor Neptune” “WE’RE HERE TO HELP OUR FRIENDS”

HOW DID THEY KNOW ABOUT THIS??????? THEY ARE LITERALLY NOT IN SEASON 4 AT ALL???????

Their lesbian senses were tingling, obviously

“How did you find our totally invisible and unknown castle in the middle of space?“

“Submarine Reflection!”  Neptune’s magic mirror apparently?

Uranus’ magic sword?

THIS IS THE STUPIDEST THING IN THE WORLD AND I AM SO HAPPY I LOVE THIS BULLSHIT MOVIE

MARS FLAME SNIPER

“Listen here you clown, what are you doing with the children?”  Original dub Uranus always sounds so freaking angry.

“Life is full of wonderful experiences, from the beginning to the end,” Neptune says, looking sideways at Uranus.  OH REALLY

“I have a bad feeling about this” says Mars, but you should extra listen to her because premonitions.

I like that Pluto and Uranus and Neptune land so gracefully and the others just tumble.

I was literally about to type that

“Set them all free right now, you EVIL SICK COW”

It’s another evil flower

But this one is a SCIENCE flower

“It feeds on children’s sweet dream energy” that just sounds so wrong.

“Oh no! She’s protected by barriers of some kind!”

“Our good emotional energy is able to move this gondola”

Also, this villain’s dress is… a skirt, sleeves, and a giant bow on her tits.

Is this the end of The Avengers

Why do all of these villains want to make ~Rini be naked it’s weird.

Japan?

“My transformation isn’t -” “Mine’s turning back!” EVERYONE IS NAKED BECAUSE OF EVIL LIGHTNING?

Sailor Moon is gonna eat a cookie and this will save things.  The cookie is full of love “and it will enable us to become more powerful!”

“Once you go into the dream hole you can never go out again” is this a metaphor for lesbianism

Actually I’m pretty sure that’s what someone told Lance Hunter at the Hellfire Club.  Probably related to butt stuff.

Pffffft

Well you knooooooow

IT A HALLUCINATION THO “we can live together in complete happiness without anyone to bother us”

“YOU BROKE YOUR DREAM BOX!  Why do a fool thing like leave your happy dream?”

“I’m feeding the Black Dream Hole for all of you!”

Sailor Moon remembering that everyone else was happy makes the crystal glow and returns everyone’s clothes to them.  Peruru has wings again!

Good times when telepathic communications and then they all stand in a circle and intone SAILOR MOON very creepily and she’s imbued with their powers and it’s the most terribly cheesy thing in the world and now ~Mini Moon has clothes on too again thank goodness.

They just held hands and drilled through the Black Dream Hole with magic

But wait!  Dildo Candyland is still collapsing!  The children are free, and going back on the snail boats

DILDO CANDYLAND bye

I’m pretty sure Lance Hunter also mentioned that at the Hellfire Club

~Rini you have VERY WEIRD TASTE IN BOYS

“I’ll never forget you” until my girlfriend grows up

I bet someday when they’re like 13 Chibi-Usa tells Hotaru about all the stupid shit she got up to while Hotaru was a reincarnated baby and Hotaru just laughs and laughs.

–your fangirl heroines.

not20going20to20freak20out

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