Spoiler Alert Sunday :: my thoughts on The Last Witch Hunter

15 Nov

In the opening sequence of this movie, a group of pseudomedieval knights and their priest, accompanied by vaguely Viking’d Vin Diesel, invade a bug-infested weirwood tree to kill a decomposed witch queen, who then curses Vin Diesel with immortality before he explodes the tree.  All of this is done with the utmost seriousness.

I think I expected this film to be a little more tongue-in-cheek than it ultimately was (a little more Hansel & Gretel) but it was still a goofy fantasy action movie.  The evil witches were as a general rule fairly gross, and the mythology was more backstory and selective explanation than comprehensive history lesson, but it was a movie about Vin Diesel hunting witches.

Elijah Wood was conniving and sly and a total sycophant.

Michael Caine was… there.

Rose Leslie was the reason I saw this movie, 100%, but she was adorable.  She got to keep her accent, she was a precious little hipster-punk witch bar owner with a cool special gift and a cool knife.  Also she passed the Bechdel test and did not kiss Vin Diesel.  So that’s a thing.

Lotte Verbeek was a good memory-wife.  She’s pretty.

Very acceptable trash.

–your fangirl heroine.

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