Television Tuesday :: 10 television costumes that make me mad

11 Nov

We were talking today about how Lana Parrilla is going to be at Emerald City in the spring and I was saying that it’s a shame that such a pretty woman gets put in what I consider to be straight-up bad costumes.  And that got me thinking about bad costumes on television.  So, a list.  I’m about to get real salty up in here, guys.

10, 9, 8, 7. Some Regina highlights.

That thing on her head.  The semisheer mesh.  The fact that the dress looks like it’s made out of that stuff they make those tops that can expand that are also scarves out of.the fact that the dress waistband is clearly visible above the belt, which would have been remedied by just making the belt taller.  The necklace that looks like a set of bangles from Claire’s.

This dress looks like they skinned some body pillows from the 90s and then appliqued on sequined lace patches from the clothes craft aisle at JoAnn.

The “leather pants fro hell” motif was one I remember being strong when I watched this show back in season 1.  This one is special because it’s leather pants from hell plus leather dominatrix boots (not visible) plus a leather… cowboy… hat?… plus leather capelet plus overcoat that looks like it’s made from the velvet-flocked brocade that spoopy dresses at Spirit Halloween are made from.

THIS DOES NOT EVEN LOOK REMOTELY MEDIEVAL.  This is literally a floor-length dress made of the velour/mesh hybrids one might make a figure skating costume out of.  Plus another one of those horrible ponytail hats.  I hate those ponytail hats so much.  I hate all of Regina’s costumes so much.  It’s not your fault, Lana Parrilla.  They’re just bad.

6.  Amy Acker as Nova on Once Upon a Time

We call this the jellyfish dress, for reasons that should be obvious.  If you look at it from the chest up it looks just like a passably cheesy ballerina dress.  And then that skirt happens.

5. Jamie Chung as Mulan on Once Upon a Time

The thing about this is that in addition to having literally nothing to do with anything that Mulan wore, ever (unlike the rigorous copying that other outfits on this show did of their cartoon counterparts), is that it’s semi-armor shaped but entirely made out of fabric that looks like the upholstery leather from a motorcycle seat store threw up on it.

4. The prison pajamas on True Blood

Hey, guys, I bet you thought I was done whining about the last two seasons of True Blood, right?  Nope.  I’m not.  Never.  Ever.  I wrote an essay about these prison pajamas back after that nonsense.  That’s how mad they make me.

3. Rutina Wesley as Tara’s “ghost dress” on True Blood

One: prior to this point the ghosts in True Blood were… mostly Godric, who appeared in the outfit he died wearing, so this dress (and also the fact that everything “ghost Tara” did was anathema to the Tara I’d grown to love) caused me to believe that “ghost Tara” was actually a hallucination of her mother’s drug-addled mind.  Two: this dress looked remarkably like some of the couture from the maenad debacle, which was a horrible time in Tara’s life so I don’t know what they think they were doing.

2. Sophie Turner as Sansa’s stupid Maleficent dress, emphasis on the necklace.

I reclaimed this outfit by modernstyling it, if you’ll recall, but I still hate it.  I’ve heard symbolic explanations of the feathers and the necklace but I hate them even still.  Hate.

1. Sansa’s second wedding dress

As I alluded to in that post, I hate this dress even more.  But see what I mean about the holiday Barbie ornament?  And a Civil War reenactment dress (done up for the holidays)?  And also it stands for something horrible, so I’m extra angry about it.

–your fangirl heroine.

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