Whimsy Wednesday :: in which Mamoru’s childhood boycrush gets overly possessive and the world is saved with the power of love.

8 Jul

So tonight we are watching the… Sailor Moon R movie, Promise of the Rose, because it’s on YouTube.  We’ve watched this together before, but before my drift partner had not actually seen any of the show, so this is hilarious because I am out to prove what little continuity this has with the show.

Oh!  This is the Japanese version of the movie, not the dub!  That’s nice.  For consistency.

I propose only two rules for this drinking game:

  • -drink when this contradicts the canon of the rest of the show
  • -drink when this reminds you of The Winter Soldier

“My thoughts are about to short-circuit.”  Bless the translations of the theme song.

“I’ll bring lots of flowers when I come back… So…”

“Don’t thrash about, Chibi-Usa!”  Yeeeeah all right then.

Mamoru is V-shaped.

This is… clearly something strange Usagi, stop spinning around maybe.

“Now, let’s go.”  Good. Good.  Grief.  Ugly laughter.

“Hitting a girl is the worst!”

This film is a hilarious disaster.

Look at them creating levels.  Leaning and sitting and standing.

I AM CAT WATCH ME MACINTOSH

“But they didn’t seem like just friends.”

BUDDIES perhaps

“Mamoru seems to be popular with men…” you tell ’em Ami.

“Ami, you’re a perv!”

“Ah, they had THAT kind of relationship.”

“No, I didn’t mean it THAT way.”  “There’s a couple in that kind of relationship at my school, too.”  Holy shit this is so much more amazing than the dub I grew up with where that conversations was one that they had about how they all had crushes on Mamoru.

Surprising no one, the US edited out every trace of gay.

But let’s be real, bisexual Mamoru is 200% more interesting Mamoru.

I like that when they run Luna and Artemis stay put on their shoulders.

“YOU PERVERT” Minako shouts as she kicks a plant zombie in the face.

There should be more scenes like that in movies, I think.

“The source of the energy that was controlling the plants isn’t gone yet!” Ami sciences, zeroing in on an innocuous but out of place flower that suddenly sprouts giant insect legs and runs, developing a gaping mouth with teeth.

And then reveals a lady in a bra top.

I LOVE THIS GODDAMN LOVE BOAT MUSIC

This lady continues to look like The Stalk from Saga. Except that character was actually topless.

SAILOR MARS, SAILOR MARS… SAILOR MERCURYYYYY

Yes, Chibi-Usa, suffocate your mother awake.

Now with extra zither!

“Maidens, your life may be short, so find romance!” …..uh……

A Kisenian flower!  “I think this planet will make my flowers bloom beautifully.”  Mamoru’s alien friend says to the topless talking flower on his lapel.

See what I mean he looks exactly like Ail and An.

“Why are YOU seeking solace from your loneliness with a dull girl like this?”

“If you believe that our friendship is true…” ~friendship~

“I am not being fooled!” “I’ll open your eyes for you!”

Also his earrings look like houses.

Time for an appropriately-placed “till the end of the line” I think.

“You weren’t just an illusion I saw when I was a child” oh my Mamoru many straight.

“I knew the minute I looked into your eyes that you called for me.”  I SEE

I think this is the most heterosexual Sailor Moon story that does not involve Uranus and Neptune.  This is so so heterosexual.

I also like how he jumps right from “people are mean to my boycrush” to “THEY MUST ALL DIE” like. find your chill.

“ONLY I WILL GIVE YOU FLOWERS” the most important.

Ami analyzing energy bless bless

“Mamo-chan ended up like that because he shielded me” indeed.

“Heroes of justice don’t cry!”

“For Mamoru’s sake, too.”  Says Mars with bedroom eyes.

I ARE ASTEROID I ARE PLANT

None of this seems to be proportionate.

O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O_O says everybody

“These are my flower seeds” FOR KIDS

So many giggling bikini-wearing flower monsters

“Drop that weapon that hurts my flowers or else” this is the weirdest damn metaphor.

Fiore is overcome with feelings about Sailor Moon’s very heterosexual friendships.

“I’ll suck up all your energy!” So, the time for subtlety is over then.

“You don’t understand the loneliness that Mamoru and I felt.  You don’t know what loneliness is.”  But they all do!  They’re going to have flashbacks to Usagi teaching them about not loneliness, super super heterosexually.

Over sad piano music, of course.

“Don’t take her away from us…”

“She’s someone who means a lot to us…”

“Usagi is a girl that gave all of us something incomparaable.”

“If we didn’t meet Usagi… we ALL would have been alone.”

BUT WAIT thwarted by the very sort of rose that instigated this whole elaborate mess.  Poetic justice.

“Threw a flower at me…”

“It’s all right, I won’t die…” yes, you know that because you’ve seen yourself in the future.  Come on guys, it’ll be okay.

And Fiore gropes her silver crystal so much her costume turns into billowing ribbons.  The real weapon: girly boobies to thwart the super heterosexual space alien.

Why is it showing a flashback to baby Usagi meeting baby Mamoru in the hospital?  This happened never, but it apparently happened?  Retroactive… something??

THE FLOWER WAS USAGI’S ALL ALONG

And now the Silver Crystal is a flower???  This is the part where the movie turns into LITERAL NONSENSE I LOVE IT

Oh, shit, the Japanese version STILL HAS THE POWER OF LOVE THIS IS THE GREATEST SONG OF ALL TIME I AM GOING TO LINK IT FOR YOU ALL IT IS SO IMPORTANT

YAAAAAAAAAY

These lyrics are LITERAL NONSENSE I LOVE

“It’ll ravage you into a beautiful corpse but… if you wish come chase me…”  Okay, this isn’t exactly the same song as in the English dub, I’m going to link that one specifically because it is the actual best song.  This is MOON REVENGE and it’s pretty great too.  But THE POWER OF LOVE is the best shit.

Now they’re all having more flashbacks of Usagi and having emotional crying faces while crying “USAGI” holy shit.

“…until you want to tie each breath down” jesus what even.

This is so important.

Welp the Silver Crystal…broke.

How did they get on the roof? We don’t know.

“Sailor Moon is everyone’s mother” well she sure is yours, literally, so.

As all the girls cry and bemoan over Usagi’s apparently dead body, Fiore visits them spiritually.  “This is a flower of life.  It contains the sum of all my energy.  Give the nectar of this flower to Sailor Moon.”  And it not only restores Sailor Moon but it restores the Silver Crystal, that’s kickass, as Fiore shrinks into a child and spirals off into space.

Fuzzzzzz

As they all hug and cry on an asteroid fragment.

WELL. That was certainly a film.

And because I promised, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mcpkklyH7mY

THERE COMES A TIME WHEN YOU FACE THE TOUGHEST OF FIGHTS SEARCHING FOR A SIGN LOST IN THE DARKEST OF NIGHTS

THE WIND BLOWS SO COLD STANDING ALONE BEFORE THE BATTLE’S BEGUN BUT DEEP IN YOUR SOUL THE FUTURE UNFOLDS AS BRIGHT AS THE RAY OF THE SUN

YOU’VE GOT TO BELIEVE IN THE POOOOOWER OF LOVE YOU’VE GOT TO BELIEEEEVE IN THE POWER OF LOVE…

….IT GIVES MEANING TO EACH MOMENT IT’S WHAT OUR HEARTS ARE ALL MADE OF YOU’VE GOT TO BELIEVE IN THE POWER OF LOVE

–your fangirl heroines.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: