Whimsy Wednesday :: in which everyone’s romance is unhealthy and Sailor Mars liberates cosmic space Anastasia Steele.

29 Apr

Oh yeah, I think this is the Droid that pulls a sword out of their head.

Chibi-Usa bored by a fairytale and its romance, but hey, at least she’s sleeping.

I agree with Chibi-Usa, that was a really boring version of the story.

Also the illustrated prince had terrible hair.

“The moment the two of you are wed the world will come to an end.”  Well, y’know.  I’d think they’d be able to deal with it, as evidenced by their time-traveling progeny, buuuut y’know.

“What misfortune will befall her if I love her?”  This is some hardcore classical tragedy shit.  Interrupted abruptly by his awkward morning jog.

Oh, look, Motoki, who we just forget about when he’s irrelevant.

“What sort of guy do girls end up hating?” Buy a fedora and grow a neckbeard.

Also, get a banjo, maybe.

“Troubled young girl here! Stop bothering me!” I wish that was a shirt. I would wear it ironically because it would be hilarious.

But the fact that it’s Mamoru’s dream explains why the wedding dress is so bad, kinda.

This is what happens when you’re crying into the refrigerator and don’t pay attention to the little girl in your house, really now.  She gets spotted and attacked by, uh, flying… evil… ladies.

“Tonight, I’ll kill you for sure.”

Spoooopy ghost.

Maybe it’s not the sword-head lady.  I don’t know.

Is that what it’s supposed to be? It looks like a banana. (Good source of potassium!)

I don’t even… I just remember there being a monster that pulled a sword out of their head.

Man, where’s Hulk to roar at someone when you need him?

Also, I love that each and everyone of them had to individually say her name.

Oh my god I’m pretty sure something like this happened to people in a Care Bears movie.  I don’t even remember if it was the summer camp one or the circus one, but it happened, I think.  They turned twinkly and unconscious.

Luna here to invoke the magic of true love’s kiss.

Tuxedo Mask looks silly on a normal motorcycle.

And Sailor Moon’s nightmare looks like a bad level on Mario Kart.

DRAMATIC MOTORCYCLE LAMP LIGHTING.

No, Tuxedo Mask, yelling is not what will wake her.

WELL that was certainly a shot of Sailor Moon’s crotch.

“The power of love restored Sailor Moon’s energy!”  As it always does here, y’know.

Oh it IS a sword! With a…banana-shaped handle. How silly.

“A girl always dreams of pursuing the boy she loves.”  WELL Sailor Moon, you… are wrong about this, but I forgive you, you haven’t met Haruka and Michiru yet.

“Your splendid techniques never fail to impress me.”  That’s… what someone said.

HEE.

“He must have his reasons! I’ll figure them out and earn back his love!” Ever the optimist, Usagi.

“Your repeated failures have upset Prince Demande.”  PRINCE DEMANDE

Rei sure is bossy.  And Rei is also not suspicious of the woman who looks like a villain they’ve fought who has the same hair and earrings.  Nope.

Yuichiro is suspicious, though.

“I hope you’ll wear it, Sir Rubeus, my love.”  Before he crushes said fragrance in his hand like an asshole.

Accompanied by a close-up shot of the pieces and a sad violin solo.

“He probably wanted to motivate me, so he pretended to be cold.”  That’s not how it works sweetie.”

OH NO this is some Fifty Shades bullshit ABORT ABORT

I also really like that the sisters always take ridiculous parasols out when they go wandering.

Mary Kay saleslady FROM HELL.

“To love someone is to trust him,” Rei says, causing Koan to realize that things are very wrong in her own life before she spouts the sort of nonsense that is necessitated for her to remain in her personal situation, I guess.

Welp it’s an evil cat ballerina from the sky, here to murder small children if she’s not stopped by the Hikawa Shrine’s answer to Shaggy from Scooby-Doo.

Dramatic moments where an injured Yuichiro is motivation for Rei to transform and kick ass.  Y’know.

DRAMATIC ELECTRONIC ORGAN MUSIC over the dramatic fight scene.

“You were that saleslady?!”  NO SHIT REI.

“Yours is a narcissistic love!”  For kids.

With her… magically extending fingernails.

“Come, you sad lost soul.”

“We won’t be seeing each other any more.”  Rubeus you asshat.

“How unlucky I am to have an incompetent subordinate like you.”  I SEE

Sailor Mars is horrified by this relationship even though it’s between bad guys.  Here’s Sailor Venus to Love-Me Chain the time-space bomb out of the way and Jupiter to destroy it and Moon and Mercury to… pose.

Koan attacks in rage and angst because she’s “lost everything” and Rei feels things about it and prevents Jupiter from kneeing her in the… lady bits, I guess.  “You haven’t lost absolutely everything.  You’re still here, aren’t you?”  And the motivational speech begins here.  And Koan wibbles and cries.  “Sailor Moon, turn her into an ordinary woman.”  With the Silver Crystal.  Because apparently that’s possible now.

And also someone should probably…look at Rei’s broken leg lol.

Look someone did!

Oh good!

And now Koan is selling cosmetics for realsies and friends!!

What a nice.

–your fangirl heroine.

that is not how it works

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