Things in Print Thursday :: 5 ways that being an English major ruins you for normal life

Presented without commentary.

5. When you find typos in books, you seriously consider throwing the books away.

4. When you watch movies and television shows, you spend the entire time analyzing narrative structure.

3. You’re also overly sensitive to the quality of dialogue.

2. You forget that not everyone knows terms like “hubris” and “death of the author.”

1. You forget that you should not analyze real life people’s behavior based on what that behavior would foreshadow in a story.

–your fangirl heroines.

Whimsy Wednesday :: in which everyone’s romance is unhealthy and Sailor Mars liberates cosmic space Anastasia Steele.

Oh yeah, I think this is the Droid that pulls a sword out of their head.

Chibi-Usa bored by a fairytale and its romance, but hey, at least she’s sleeping.

I agree with Chibi-Usa, that was a really boring version of the story.

Also the illustrated prince had terrible hair.

“The moment the two of you are wed the world will come to an end.”  Well, y’know.  I’d think they’d be able to deal with it, as evidenced by their time-traveling progeny, buuuut y’know.

“What misfortune will befall her if I love her?”  This is some hardcore classical tragedy shit.  Interrupted abruptly by his awkward morning jog.

Oh, look, Motoki, who we just forget about when he’s irrelevant.

“What sort of guy do girls end up hating?” Buy a fedora and grow a neckbeard.

Also, get a banjo, maybe.

“Troubled young girl here! Stop bothering me!” I wish that was a shirt. I would wear it ironically because it would be hilarious.

But the fact that it’s Mamoru’s dream explains why the wedding dress is so bad, kinda.

This is what happens when you’re crying into the refrigerator and don’t pay attention to the little girl in your house, really now.  She gets spotted and attacked by, uh, flying… evil… ladies.

“Tonight, I’ll kill you for sure.”

Spoooopy ghost.

Maybe it’s not the sword-head lady.  I don’t know.

Is that what it’s supposed to be? It looks like a banana. (Good source of potassium!)

I don’t even… I just remember there being a monster that pulled a sword out of their head.

Man, where’s Hulk to roar at someone when you need him?

Also, I love that each and everyone of them had to individually say her name.

Oh my god I’m pretty sure something like this happened to people in a Care Bears movie.  I don’t even remember if it was the summer camp one or the circus one, but it happened, I think.  They turned twinkly and unconscious.

Luna here to invoke the magic of true love’s kiss.

Tuxedo Mask looks silly on a normal motorcycle.

And Sailor Moon’s nightmare looks like a bad level on Mario Kart.

DRAMATIC MOTORCYCLE LAMP LIGHTING.

No, Tuxedo Mask, yelling is not what will wake her.

WELL that was certainly a shot of Sailor Moon’s crotch.

“The power of love restored Sailor Moon’s energy!”  As it always does here, y’know.

Oh it IS a sword! With a…banana-shaped handle. How silly.

“A girl always dreams of pursuing the boy she loves.”  WELL Sailor Moon, you… are wrong about this, but I forgive you, you haven’t met Haruka and Michiru yet.

“Your splendid techniques never fail to impress me.”  That’s… what someone said.

HEE.

“He must have his reasons! I’ll figure them out and earn back his love!” Ever the optimist, Usagi.

“Your repeated failures have upset Prince Demande.”  PRINCE DEMANDE

Rei sure is bossy.  And Rei is also not suspicious of the woman who looks like a villain they’ve fought who has the same hair and earrings.  Nope.

Yuichiro is suspicious, though.

“I hope you’ll wear it, Sir Rubeus, my love.”  Before he crushes said fragrance in his hand like an asshole.

Accompanied by a close-up shot of the pieces and a sad violin solo.

“He probably wanted to motivate me, so he pretended to be cold.”  That’s not how it works sweetie.”

OH NO this is some Fifty Shades bullshit ABORT ABORT

I also really like that the sisters always take ridiculous parasols out when they go wandering.

Mary Kay saleslady FROM HELL.

“To love someone is to trust him,” Rei says, causing Koan to realize that things are very wrong in her own life before she spouts the sort of nonsense that is necessitated for her to remain in her personal situation, I guess.

Welp it’s an evil cat ballerina from the sky, here to murder small children if she’s not stopped by the Hikawa Shrine’s answer to Shaggy from Scooby-Doo.

Dramatic moments where an injured Yuichiro is motivation for Rei to transform and kick ass.  Y’know.

DRAMATIC ELECTRONIC ORGAN MUSIC over the dramatic fight scene.

“You were that saleslady?!”  NO SHIT REI.

“Yours is a narcissistic love!”  For kids.

With her… magically extending fingernails.

“Come, you sad lost soul.”

“We won’t be seeing each other any more.”  Rubeus you asshat.

“How unlucky I am to have an incompetent subordinate like you.”  I SEE

Sailor Mars is horrified by this relationship even though it’s between bad guys.  Here’s Sailor Venus to Love-Me Chain the time-space bomb out of the way and Jupiter to destroy it and Moon and Mercury to… pose.

Koan attacks in rage and angst because she’s “lost everything” and Rei feels things about it and prevents Jupiter from kneeing her in the… lady bits, I guess.  “You haven’t lost absolutely everything.  You’re still here, aren’t you?”  And the motivational speech begins here.  And Koan wibbles and cries.  “Sailor Moon, turn her into an ordinary woman.”  With the Silver Crystal.  Because apparently that’s possible now.

And also someone should probably…look at Rei’s broken leg lol.

Look someone did!

Oh good!

And now Koan is selling cosmetics for realsies and friends!!

What a nice.

–your fangirl heroine.

Television Tuesday :: I think I need to talk about dress shows.

I don’t believe in “guilty pleasures,” really.  As far as I’m concerned “guilty pleasures” are often either people liking things that they’ve been told are bad, or people liking things because they’re bad but not… understanding that that’s okay, I guess.  If you get something out of something, that’s something, in my opinion (with limits, of course).  And I like bad movies.  My taste in television shows is outstandingly “genre.”  Etcetera.

But my taste in television also, as I’m sure I’ve mentioned but maybe not in a while, includes wedding dress shows.  The shows where people go shopping for wedding dresses.  And it’s funny, almost, because I was never a little girl who dreamed of their wedding or played bride; I remember that my very first Barbie doll was a Midge (the redhead) with a wedding dress, I had an entire wedding playset, my Ken doll had a tuxedo (I had exactly two male Barbies, a blonde Ken and… Aladdin), blonde Barbie had a terrible bridesmaid’s dress, etcetera.  But I don’t recall staging wedding ceremonies so much as staging dramatic receptions.  For example.

But I digress.  My point is, I don’t watch wedding dress shows because of the wedding aspect.  Like, that’s nice for the brides I suppose (and I do admit I get a little sentimental about the bride/bride pairs; one bride-to-be described the feeling she got from her fiancee as being “like warm cookies” and I utterly squealed with delight) and there’s nothing wrong with it if they were the girls dreaming of their wedding or what have you, but that’s not why I’m there.  And okay, so you may argue that it’s frivolous and horrible, watching women spending thousands of dollars on a dress they’re going to wear once.  But… I don’t know.  I’m able to put that aside.

I watch dress shows… pretty much every week with my mom.  It’s pretty much ritual at this point.  (We watch a whole slew of “girly” shows, your Project Runway variants and what have you.  We just do.)  It’s a nice low-stress thing to do, just us; it doesn’t require much brainpower, and it’s fun.  There’s the base level of “ooh, pretty.”  But that’s not really the point either.

The point for us is the dresses themselves.  Because we’re dress dorks.  As you’ve doubtless figured out from our cosplay stuff.  We enjoy the technicalities of dresses, of dress trends (one of our favorite games, of course, is “spot the Game of Thrones trend working into the dress”), of how things work and fit and play out.  There are things we generally don’t care for and things that each of us tend to prefer.

And the point, too, is the psychology of it.  I’m sure a lot of it is manufactured, but watching the way that expectations play out (the relatives who either want their daughters demure or much flashier and more glitzy; the brides who come in either wanting to fit a certain look [the brides on Say Yes: Atlanta having a “Southern wedding” despite the fact that nobody really seems to know what that means except for having mason jars on their tables; the brides who say they want to feel like a princess but either mean a Disney cartoon or Kate Middleton] or not wanting to fit a certain look [the brides who have done pageants their whole lives and don’t want to look like they’re doing pageants are surprisingly prevalent]) and the way that these dramas unfold is, even if manufactured, fascinating.

–your fangirl heroine.

Music Monday :: my thoughts on Sprinter

Oh look someone else I’ve never heard of with the Sharon Von Etten name-drop in the description.

“Strange Hellos.”  So it’s starting spare and low and breathy and then exploding into grrl rock pretty straightforwardly.  That’s nice.  More grrl rock is never a bad thing.  “I love you all the same” and etcetera, this has a place and I’m not sure what it is yet but I’m all right with it for sure.  There’s some darkness here, too, but in a way that works for me.

“New Skin.”  I think this is just a season for low-voiced lady introspection.  Or there are probably other things going on but I don’t click on them because I… almost always click on things with lady voices.  I just like the sound of lady voices more, I guess.  I’m also getting lyrics really clearly from her, so that’s a plus.  This is definitely sinking-into-voids music, which I mean in a good way, I think.

“Son, You Are No Island.”  Well, that’s sure a title.  And that’s sure an introduction just brimming with more void-ness.  “You don’t get to choose what stays and goes.”  All right.  “Until your yes was yes and noes were noes.” All right.  Yes, this is just an album full of darkness and introspection and I approve wholeheartedly.

“A Proper Polish Welcome.”  Dropping reference to Poseidon, good job here.  This is yet another album that I’d have more serious things to say about once I’ve heard it more that once, because right now I’m rolling in the ambiance of it.  She doesn’t sound quite like anyone I’ve liveblogged lately and I like it.  “I wish I was the sea” and the like.  Also, percussion like mad, I’m super into it.

“Sprinter.”  All right, this one is more on the rock and roll to begin, good good.  The article accompanying the livestream had some notes on the context of this song, which are here (also there are notes on the term “confessional” applied to music in a gendered way), and that’s quite interesting.  This is just overall interesting.  “If there’s still time, I’ll choose the sun.”

“Cowboy Guilt.”  Ooh, bring this on.  It doesn’t sound like anything else on the album has so far, entirely.  “We drown our winter livers with bleary expectations” oh that’s a fun way of twisting words around.  I like when artists can make their lyrics sound just random and interesting.

“Ferris Wheel.”  Oh, it’s a seven minute song.  My favorite thing!  It’s really spare and thoughtful and I feel like I should be able to think of more to say for longer songs but usually I just drift off into them because it’s longer to like, maintain the atmosphere.

“The Harshest Light.”  And then it’s harder to get back into the mood of writing every random thought, because random thoughts are fewer and farther.  This is cool and interesting, though.  This is another A+ random NPR find for sure.

“The Exchange.”  Well this is spare and melancholy and uninstrumented and vaguely Gothic Americana.  Worth listening to intently, I think.

–your fangirl heroine.

Sundry Sunday :: a modern Goofus and Gallant

Such as this.

1.
Goofus says “Hi ladies!” and “Hey dudes!”
Gallant understands that not everyone likes being referred to by gendered words, so he says “Hello, folks!” or “Hi everyone!”

2.
Goofus compliments strangers on their bodies, which makes them feel objectified.
Gallant compliments strangers on things they have chosen, like their accessories or word choice, which makes them feel good.

3.
Goofus tells jokes with sexist, racist, homophobic, or offensive punchlines, then says he’s just “being funny” and he doesn’t really mean it.
Gallant makes jokes about an absurd situation or pop culture references, or about groups of people who are not marginalized.

4.
Goofus takes teasing too far without making sure the person he’s teasing thinks it’s funny too.
Gallant is careful to check with people to see if they like being teased, and if they say no, he stops teasing them.

5.
Goofus makes everything all about him and doesn’t stop to consider others’ feelings.
Gallant is considerate of other people and asks before doing things that may affect them.

6.
Goofus takes up all the space around him on the bus.
Gallant is careful to keep his body and belongings contained.

–your fangirl heroines.

Sarcastic Saturday :: haikus for tech naysayers

I have many friends
I have made them many ways
Many “in real life”

But I’ve made and kept
Friends that are like family
Technologically.

–your fangirl heroine.

Fashion Friday :: I haven’t even seen this week’s episode yet, but here’s something.

I didn’t do Sally (Kiernan Shipka) in the promo picture bunch, so here we go.

This vintage Etsy find is going to be the closest literal translation, most like; it is The Shining Pale Baby Blue 60s Babydoll Dress offered by WickedWitchVintage.

These are over-the-knee socks and not tights, but they’re close enough.  Basically Amazing Socks in Ivory, ModCloth.

Boom, done.  Triple Your Fancy Heel in Mint, ModCloth.

More floral earrings, I don’t know.  Pearl of Winsome Earrings, ModCloth.

–your fangirl heroine.

Things in Print Thursday :: fighting the gender divide in getting kids to read

So in one of my classes, my graduate-level classes full of intelligent people, the topic came up today: how do you get young boys to read more?  And the general consensus seemed to be that too many of the books that kids are made to read in school are… well, girly.

This seems… off to me, for one.  Looking at the statistics:

• this list of top chapter books is 40/100, and respectable; I would say that I personally remember reading at least half of those books in grade school, but maybe eight of them were books I read For Class)
• this list of children’s books is 12/50 (I read a majority of them, but maybe one For Class)
• this list of children’s books is 21/100 (same applies)
• this list of children’s books is 28/100 (same applies)
• this list of children’s books veering more toward picture books is 16/100
• regarding SparkNotes (i.e., books commonly read in school – not always by young kids, but in school) at the time of my last tally the books about women were 140/563.

I personally don’t remember a lot of the books I read about boys in grade school, because they just weren’t as memorable to me apparently, but I also remember being the kid who, when we had a choice of 4-5 books to read in small groups, always chose the book about girls, of which there was usually only one or two.  (This lasted all through my school career).  But I also don’t remember anyone in grade school being as interested in reading books as I was most of the time, so maybe I just am not the person to be asking about it.  And as I’ve mentioned, by the time I got to junior high and high school, well.  This.  Less than five books I recall reading that featured female protagonists.

Shannon Hale (who has written, among other things, Princess Academy, The Princess in Black, and the Books of Bayern series) brings up some really good points in this blog post – she, as a female writer of books about girls that have covers that look like this and have “girl” or “princess” in the title, is seen as a writer of “girl books.” Whereas male writers with books about boys, and books with boys on their covers, are seen as “books for everyone.” She details multiple experiences she’s had of speaking at a school and, when she noticed all of her attendees were girls and asked about the absence of boys, she was told that the administration felt that boys didn’t need to be at her presentation (and in one case, that one boy had wanted to come and gotten special permission to do so, but felt too embarrassed).

Later on in her post, Hale explains that the problem with this line of thinking is damaging because it illustrates how society teaches boys that what girls have to say doesn’t matter, and that they don’t need to bother trying to understand or empathize with them. Teachers don’t offer books about girls to boys, because they assume that boys don’t or won’t read them, or they “just don’t think about it.” But girls reading books with male protagonists is fine, even expected! After all, Harry Potter is practically required reading for elementary schoolers, and that’s about a boy. See also: Percy Jackson. (Shoutout to Rick Riordan for at least doing a better job understanding this whole “inclusivity” thing and including multiple main characters of color and an explicitly queer character in Heroes of Olympus, though!) From an early age girls are encouraged to read books that showcase the male perspective, because…that’s the average experience, or something. But the same consideration isn’t extended to boys. And so, boys don’t learn to empathize with girls, they just learn to regard them as strange and alien beings that they could never understand. Which leads to…well, things like the Isla Vista shooting, to name one recent example.

And another problem, one that was mentioned during the discussion but wasn’t particularly analyzed or even disputed, is the notion of librarians, libraries, and even just reading as a more “feminine” profession/pursuit.  One, I do know that my chosen profession is one that is predominantly female, two, why is reading considered “girly” when, let’s face it, the majority of renowned authors and literary figures and book characters are men, three, why is “girly” seen as a bad thing, and four, why aren’t we talking about how to help kids understand that reading is a verb and has no gender and even if it did why is that still stigmatized to this day. (One answer, of course, is that the literary world got infected with ~girl cooties~ once women started to gain recognition as writers, and once schools started teaching both boys and girls to read. Because apparently letting any girls into the playground at all ruins it for everyone.)

Another point that was brought up: boys just like reading graphic novels and nonfiction, where girls like reading fiction books.  This is the biggest nonsense I have ever heard.  One, I don’t remember a single boy I knew growing up who would actively read nonfiction but shunned fiction on principle, two, one of my very best friends, who is a boy, was always the most voracious reader I knew and almost entirely of fiction, and three, graphic novels are most likely fictional and therefore the argument against boys reading fiction is skewed.

On the other hand, I have a younger brother who tends to prefer comics and graphic novels to prose. But it’s not because he’s a boy – it’s because he has sensory issues that make it difficult for him to focus on a page if it’s just words. Pictures help him to understand what’s going on. So my mother, who homeschooled him for most of his academic career, would either find graphic novel adaptations of the books she wanted to discuss with him, or she would read them to him out loud and they would watch a film adaptation. Again, this isn’t a gender thing, it’s a processing thing. I also have several male friends who read fiction voraciously. And I have known multiple girls who preferred, if not graphic novels necessarily, than books with plenty of illustrations in them, because too many words on a page was overwhelming to them. It’s anecdotal, but I’d be willing to bet that that the statistics aren’t as clean-cut as they seem.

And finally, the discussion turned to how so many curriculums are chosen by, well, women.  Not enough men to choose manly books for the boys to read.  Well, I will say this: when I was in elementary school, the split of teachers for each grade was generally about 50/50, and likewise for junior high.  In high school there were generally more male English teachers than female.  And beyond that, I couldn’t tell you.  I don’t know how many women versus men are on school boards, or the AP boards, or whoever else decides statewide curricula; I know that my high school had a majority of female librarians, but I also know that the librarians at any school I attended had no say in what the students’ required reading lists comprised.  And even if there were too many women on the deciding committees (which, uh, stop, that’s a bad way of thinking about it almost certainly), the earlier statistics show that kids are still reading a lot more books about boys than about girls.

I think my point from all of this (certainly the point I was thinking but not sharing during this discussion because I wasn’t in the mood to argue over the internet today) was that ways to “get boys to read more” should be focused less on what the adults are making available or aren’t making available and more on the kids’ attitudes.  Teach them that it’s okay to read books about girls even if they’re a boy.  Teach them to read more even though someone else is telling them they should be playing soccer instead.  Teach them that you know what, it’s probably even okay if they don’t like recreational reading that much because sometimes people are different, but there’s probably a book out there that they will enjoy and maybe teach them how to find it.

And really, the key here is that they need to find it. It’s okay to give kids recommendations, of course, but if you just let them wander around in the library or bookstore, they’ll probably find something they want to read. And it doesn’t matter if it’s a movie tie-in novel or Captain Underpants or an Archie comic, because you know what? If they’re enjoying themselves, they’re eventually going to want to branch out and find more things they like. Trying to take options away from them (as long as they’re not age-inappropriate or something) just because they don’t fit into your expectations of what your kid should be reading is a surefire way of making your kid resent reading.

–your fangirl heroines.

Whimsy Wednesday :: in which nothing of consequence happens and then a bunch of things of consequence happens

“The Beach, the Island and a Vacation: The Guardians’ Break.”  Is this like the one about the sand and the beach and youth and ghosts?

Rei sweetie why are you wearing your temple clothes to the beach that seems like a horrible idea.

“I can get a lot of studying done!” Awww.

“You still haven’t finished your summer homework for today, have you?”  MOST PRECIOUS.

I’m really delighted by the cats participating in the attempt to foil Rei’s plan, too.

“The emerald green sea.”  That is… not green.

I also like that they’re all swimming different strokes.

What was that slow sparkly pan-up of Rei and Minako though.

Just gals palling around, obviously.

The senshi fight… evil sharks?  I don’t remember this episode being a thing even remotely.

…….Serendipity?

I’M LAUGHING SO MUCH.

Serendipity is taking her to a… beach cave?  While Luna-P turns into a… propeller? Because that works the same way on Serendipities as it does on boats??

Poor Serendipity got an ouchy from a shark bite while trying to save Chibi-Usa.  BABY SERENDIPITY NUZZLING BABY MOON PRINCESS.

It’s so cute omg.

“Where could your mommy be?  Well, I’m here, so there’s nothing to worry about.”  Kirin like a giraffe oh I’m so happy this is so stupidly cute what the hell.

For those of you who are wondering, when I say a Serendipity I mean this.  Technically Serendipity was a dragon, not a weird sea creature thing, but it looked enough like this guy that I’m getting similarity vibes.  And no, I don’t remember why I remember Serendipity.  I just do.

Is that smoke from the rainforest a signal for help?  No, it’s a barbeque that appeared out of nowhere.

Well obviously her little Luna-head…transformed in

Aw fuck, Mommy Serendipity is here.  To take Kirin back to its lair, but Kirin is here to tackle Chibi-Usa instead.

…well this is happening.  This sure is a volcano happening on Serendipity Island.

Yes, girls, you had better transform to stop the… natural disaster.  That will work.

“I’ll never forgive you if you die!”

Friendship?

Yes, Mars, throwing fireballs at the volcano will help.

Yes, Venus, ensnaring – oh she’s ensnaring a rock, okay that makes marginally more sense.

This is one time where Mercury’s powers are actually the most useful, tbh.

Oh, so Kirin and his mommy are dinosaurs, allegedly.

“I think they’re leaving to find a more peaceful place to live.”  Apt observation, Ami.

Stained glass bunny window during imaginary Usagi/Mamoru wedding.  With their horrible, horrible wedding outfits.  And why did they pop champagne in the church that makes no sense.

It also makes no sense why she puts hairbows on her buns to sleep.

Awkward closeup on baby butt.

Ten is still pretty old to be wetting the bed, probably.

“When the sun rises at the break of dawn” when else would it do?

I’ve always thought it’s kind of lame that Usagi gets to grow up and be a queen and wear, like, ballgowns, while the senshi just continue to wear their nonsensical sailor suits forever.

Why is Usagi trying to rug-beat the pee out of her bed?

Chibi-Usa’s memory of her mom conveniently standing behind the curtain of her canopy bed so you can’t tell it’s future~Usagi even though you can totally tell.  Also, future!Usagi gets wings.  The other girls should get wings too.  Or some cool shit like that.

I’m still wondering who thought it was a good idea to send a child who is either still in single digits or barely out of them back in time on a crucial mission.

With only a bouncy cat-head-shaped ball for companionship and mentoring, no less.

Oop here’s Berthier in her leotard and uh… very specific boots and Koan in her weird demon tutu to crowd Chibi-Usa from either side.  Foiled again by the bouncy cat-head-shaped ball, though.  And the actual cat.

And they took the time to fix their makeup before chasing her! As you do.

I really like that Luna is baaaasically Ami’s cat.

And Artemis is cleaning her wounds for her.

This episode has much vague exposition.

I’m also deciding this is a good point to wonder about where on their persons they keep their various senshi paraphernalia when not in use.

I like how the sisters have to call roll.

But wait, here are their opposite-numbers to also call roll.  And strike better poses.

Well, that’s how you know it’s a cartoon. Roll calls and pose-striking.

Battle scene!  Complete with J-pop song.  Everyone facing their direct opposite numbers.

Also, “the Black Moon Clan” and “the Moon of Darkness” sound like bad punk bands.

Such drama.

So these villains are basically serving the same narrative role as the Terminator in the first movie.

I like that Tuxedo Mask’s cape is apparently invulnerable.

Also, it’s very convenient that there is always a random very large construction site somewhere in the Juban District.

–your fangirl heroines.

Television Tuesday :: a note on a certain gendered dichotomy in haiku

Dudes can kill and lie
Betray the ones they love and
They’re misunderstood

Ladies fuck up once,
Don’t have clear motivations
“WELP I DON’T TRUST THEM”

Not always, but enough
That it’s documentable
As a distinct problem

That very well might
Reflect how people handle
Real situations.

–your fangirl heroine.