Spoiler Alert Saturday :: my thoughts on Jupiter Ascending

8 Feb

What a delightful little nonsense film.

But actually it wasn’t nonsense, exactly?  No more than a lot of high-budget sci-fi/fantasy is.  No more than a lot of movies in general are.  There weren’t particular holes in the plot or anything.  It was a little predictable, and the elements of it weren’t entirely original, but again, it was no more that than anything.

What it was was like Star Wars and Repo! The Genetic Opera had a baby and then the space parts of the Marvel universe and something else about genetic modification had a baby and then those two babies grew up and had babies and those babies took advice from the Lannisters and whoever canonically invented Soylent Green.

And then Mila Kunis was a cleaning lady who was also the princess of space and she hung out with Channing Tatum the werewolf angel soldier with frosted hair and they flew around on laser-gravity roller skates and fought the space Lannister babies.

And then there were hired assassins and one of them was a tiny cyberpunk purple-haired Asian girl with a space motorcycle.

And then Sean Bean was part-bee.  (A bee, a bumblebee, but not an evil bumblebee.)

And then the baby space Lannister had a personal assistant who was Gugu Mbatha-Raw and she smirked so much and had a lovely accent.

And then all the baby space Lannisters (the boys directly, the girl indirectly but c’mon) wanted to marry their reincarnated mom.

And then Eddie Redmayne spoke so softly during most of his lines that I had to stop eating popcorn to hear every word but occasionally started YELLING SO LOUD AND MAKING FACES THAT LOOKED LIKE THIS >O FOR REALSIES and I couldn’t stop laughing.

And yeah.  It’s worth seeing, in my opinion.

–your fangirl heroine.

play nice


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