Whimsy Wednesday :: in which Sailor Venus and the Moon Princess are both revealed (and are not the same person, to everyone’s canonical surprise).

26 Nov

Oh here comes Venus! Or anyway that’s what the summary promises. Yay! The opening credits will finally match up to the actual show again.

Except Venus isn’t actually the last one, all considered.

Oh, Queen Beryl is fuckin’ pissed. And Zoisite is gonna put on a scam by messing with Tuxedo Mask. It seems weird that nobody has put together who he might be. But also, Beryl isn’t even waving her hands around her crystal ball, so she’s clearly pissed.

Here’s Kunzite to help out. And Zoisite being all ~Kunzite-sama~. “Kunzite, I am doing this for no one but you… I, Zoisite, would give my very life for you!”

Oh it’s crazy mirrorverse Sailor Moon, but you can tell she’s not the real Sailor Moon if you look because she has purple bows and green eyes. Luna, I expect better from you, you should be able to tell.

I really don’t think Usagi-chan is in any danger of getting fat.

Oh no magical electrically charged rope-fraying crystals. Mamoru sees the problem, but mirrorverse Sailor Moon is here to save the day. Also have y’all noticed that mirrorverse Sailor Moon isn’t actually saying anything? That seems relevant.

Oh look Minako and Artemis watching in the crowd.

Kunzite, you pose really evilly but you do not really sound evil when you open your mouth.

Awwww Luna is such a cute kitty when she is perplexed.

At that distance, it’s almost a definite that stringing her up by her wrists like that and suspending her would dislocate her shoulders. Good thing she’s, y’know, a mirrorversey trick.

“Is that guy from the Dark Kingdom?” Yeah, based on his uniform and his stringing mirrorverse Sailor Moon up, I’d say he is. Given that it is a trap and whatnot.

“This pointless light is an eyesore. True beauty is the glow of darkness.” Kunzite, true precursor to Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way.

“Binding and hanging a girl like that is way too nasty!” Sailor Moon, here to call you out on your unsafe and possibly insane and presumably nonconsensual practices.

“I’ll punish you to the fullest!” You really mean that.

Oh, Kunzite is gonna trap them in a dome of electrified darkness. “How do you like the beauty of this darkness?” he asks them, because that’s the thing to do at this point. And the dome also absorbs their power and can contain a hallucinated outline of Kunzite that attacks them.

“Is that all the power you Sailor Guardians have?” WELL THEN IT’S A GOOD THING VENUS IS ON HER WAY TO ZAP YOU WITH LOVE. Or well, that’s not her first attack, the first one is Venus Crescent Beam Smash.

“Is this a trap?” Tuxedo Kamen asks. YOU THINK. Now look at her, you idiot, and realize her outfit is the wrong colors. Nope. Too late. Got stabbed in the shoulder by an evil evaporating crystal. And it was actually Zoisite in drag. “I’ll make the pain go away soon, Tuxedo Kamen,” he promises.

Oh my gosh. Zoisite just running around slashing at things with his giant crystal pear thing, trying to fight Tuxedo Kamen desperately.

“This man is!” Queen Beryl exclaims. Is it possible she finally realizes what’s up?

Nope, here it’s just Crescent Beam.

“How do you like the taste of my darkness?” Kunzite asks. He’s really obsessed with his darkness.

And just as it looks like things are grim, from nowhere Venus appears! All bright and poised with her cute little red glasses. “Here to make her big entrance!” she even exclaims.

And now everyone finally realizes that Sailor V is in fact Sailor Venus. And the cats are reunited.

Queen Beryl is talking in the sky now! Imploring them to retreat because the situation has changed.

Gosh, Sailor Venus is such a beauty queen. “Could it be that you’re the Moon Princess?” Sailor Moon asks. I’m gonna go out on a limb and guess that Sailor Venus is in fact not the Moon Princess.

“I can’t believe that big mean jerk was Tuxedo Mask,” Usagi laments. But really, you must have been willfully denying?

Aw, Sailor Venus standing with ballerina feet. And denying that she is in fact the princess and very politely introducing herself like the lady she often is before speeding off to do an investigation. While Sailor Moon makes the starriest eyes ever known.

Now it’s a capture but not kill for Tuxedo Kamen. The Great Ruler of the Dark Kingdom decreed it.

Mamoru, buddy, you’d best get that shoulder wound checked out.

And Zoisite is in his… television? Creeping on him and twirling the end of his ponytail before sniffing it while making an offer to have a rumble with Mamoru. “That’s a good boy.” THE DARK KINGDOM HAS SOME SERIOUS VIBING GOING OIN I AM JUST SAYING.

Yeah, Mamoru, definitely get the wound checked out before your rumble.

And suddenly Mamoru thinks that Usagi is cute now that he knows she’s Sailor Moon. And she slapped him on the wound and got blood on her hand through his jacket and now she’s starting to wonder if he’s Tuxedo Kamen. She’s here to… help? Because she worried. “It won’t heal if you keep moving around like that!” “That’s none of your business.” Except for actually it is because you are Tuxedo Kamen and she is Sailor Moon and you should be working together because of the weird space past dimension thing?

Of course Usagi followed him to the rumble. Of course.

While Rei and Ami and Mako and Luna stand around at the shrine wondering where Usagi is. “I have a bad feeling about this,” Rei announces.

“Who are you?” Rei asks upon seeing Minako standing there with her cat. Because the fact that her face is exactly the same and her hair is also exactly the same didn’t tip you off?

Also, “Yookoso” was the name of one of my Japanese textbooks and whenever I hear it now I giggle.

“I’ll place our Rainbow Crystals here,” Zoisite announces. “Now show me yours.” I’m sure you’d like that, Zoisite.

There are a lot of conveniently empty buildings in Tokyo. And between Zoisite and Kunzite, the crystals are now 100% in the possession of the Dark Kingdom. Aw, shit.

Usagi is waking up and starting to put things together. Why does Mamoru want the crystals? Because he is Tuxedo Kamen. It really could be, sweetling.

“How dare you do this to my face, you worm!” Zoisite moans.

No, Usagi, you’re not safe just because you’re in the elevator. You are in the elevator to hell now. You are in the hellavator.

YES MERCURY SCIENCE IT UP. Use your science glasses to x-ray the building to determine if the others are in the building and where.

As Kunzite and Zoisite stand in the glass tower cuddling and being ominous.

Leaning about his past. When he was six he and his parents were in a car accident that he survived and they did not, but he woke up with amnesia. And he can’t remember anything from before that to this day but he has been having a dream about a girl WITH USAGI’S HAIRDO asking for the Silver Crystal.

“I used to think you were the worst person in the world, but I’m bumping you up to second worst.”

What’s going on? Some apparent darkness (or Dark’ness) taking over the Starlight Tower. As Zoisite attacks them with flame.

I love it when the art suddenly gets really artistic and sketchy and painty when they’re having a pensive moment.

Oh, now Mamoru’s officially realized that she’s Sailor Moon. Aw, shit.

“You’re going to pay big time for deceiving people with dirty tricks and torment!”

Them’s fighting words, sweetling.

No, it really can be.

Nonsensical transformation montage for Mamoru complete with spinning hat and rose and Spanish guitar. Then followed by pastel sketches of him alternately insulting her and being nice to her.

Why… doesn’t Zoisite just attack them while they’re having their dramatic moment? Because it won’t count if he and Tuxedo Kamen don’t rumble it out?

So the flying crystal spear pokes him in the spine and looks to have killed him but one of Sailor Moon’s sparkly tears activates the Rainbow Crystals and sends them flying away from Kunzite to zoom their essences into the Silver Crystal and stick onto Sailor Moon’s, uh, Moon Stick.

What’s going on, Mercury, is that, shockingly, Sailor Moon is in fact the Moon Princess and has finally awakened.

–your fangirl heroine.

how fucking lame

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