Whimsy Wednesday :: in which love distances Nephrite from his evil organization but he dies anyway.

15 Oct

It’s funny. When I was a kid, Sailor Moon was part of my routine. My dad would come home at lunch to set the VCR to record the episode that was on that day, then I’d watch it the next morning as I was eating breakfast. Now Sailor Moon is… part of my routine again. Wednesday nights with my bishoujo anime reminding me of why I am who I am today. I’m weirdly sentimental about this shit.

“You’re under arrest for romance scam charges!” And pedophilia!

Naru-chan. No you are not a grownup in love. You are acting like a child. And you are “in love” with a man who is more than “a little older than” you. Usagi stop this nonsense ASAP.

No, except you should not leave this just to Usagi. Usagi should have the others’ help because she might well mess it up.

Queen Beryl is angry~ she is giving curses. And Zoisite materializes in just to giggle sinisterly.

Nephrite is going to obtain the item by giving up the celestial orb.

Zoisite is such a troll, oh my gosh. And that hair twirling is the most ineffective thing I’ve ever seen.

“I will obtain the Silver Crystal and rub it in your face!” When speaking of literal objects, that just makes me think about said literal object being rubbed in faces. Which would probably hurt, because crystals have hard edges that would scratch faces, which would probably piss Zoisite off, so actually that would have the effect Nephrite is hoping for?

He’s doing some damn evil sinister light show magic. DARK CRYSTAL oh yes that dark crystal. No, Naru-chan does not have the Silver Crystal.

You keep referring to him as “Motoki onisan” which means “Motoki big brother” and that’s… weird. If she has a crush on him.

“Anyway, he’s very scary, so you shouldn’t go out with him.” Usagi, that’s one way of putting it.

Naru-chan no no don’t do the thing. Also, Masato Sanjoin never got your phone number from you so he… is creepy. Yes, Naru’s mom, you’re right to be jumpcut-panicking.

“I’m being threatened by bad people for reasons I can’t share.” And that doesn’t make you want to run, Naru-chan? Please be careful about that. And I’m pretty sure that stealing from your mom is the worst plan ever, Naru-chan.


“Besides, we’re in this mess because you screwed up,” Luna declares. Bluntly.

They look like they’re running through a stage version of Guys and Dolls with all the lights and street signs and whatnot.

No, that is not the Silver Crystal. Sorry, Naru-chan. You tried. Gold star, maybe. Oh no the Dark Crystal is reacting to Naru and Sailor Moon is here to stop this pedophilic nonsense.

“He’s a member of an evil organization known as the Dark Kingdom.” I don’t remember the Dark Kingdom (or the Negaverse as I grew up knowing it as) being referred to as an “evil organization,” but that’s really hilarious to me. It manages to make it sound a lot more… intentional, I guess. Not just a weird alien thing.

“Damn it! Where are you?” Because Mercury’s bubbles are mysteriously potent and create very much fog that cannot be seen through. Magic bubbles!

And Naru-chan is standing in the way of the tiara. Which means Sailor Moon is stopping the tiara. And they’re like “NARU-CHAN STOP IT” and she’s like “I love him so much!” and they’re like “!!!?!?!?!?” and the Dark Crystal is reacting “to kind hearts.” And the weird monster just came out of nowhere and Nephrite protected Naru-chan from the monster and now the monster’s horns are screwdrivers???

Asking Nephrite if he has a heart. Prompting him into an expository monologue that they’re going to actually get a lot out of.

This just does my heart such good. Also I like this because the unhealthiest relationship (Nephrite and Naru) is canonically portrayed as unhealthy and everyone else is like “Naru-chan stop it.”

“Even if he’s a bad person, I still love him.” No, but she shouldn’t understand how she feels just because she too has a crush. That’s not… Usagi’s harmless crush on Motoki is not the same thing as Naru’s crush on an obvious murderer.

Stop it Nephrite you’re so creepy materializing outside a teenager’s window.

“Could the Silver Crystal be inside a human’s body?” Spoiler alert: good call.

Everyone involved in this mission on either side is hideously unprepared infortmationwise, but at least he knows now the crystal isn’t inside Naru?

And ahahahahah “thanks to you, I’ve learned for the first time what love is. Such emotion does not exist in the evil organization that I work for. We betray our allies… we kill each other for personal gain… I thought that was normal. But your love has opened my eyes. Right now, I’m thinking of working with Sailor Moon and her friends to fight the evil organization.” But then when she says she doesn’t know anything he just poofs out like an asshole.

Yeah, calling it “the evil organization” is definitely making me feel like he’s not talking about the Dark Kingdom. Slash what is this hilarious half-truths bullshit OH WAIT I KNOW.

As Zoisite watches from a billboard that just reads “HAPPY.”

“Stupid man. Let’s attack him all at once,” the monsters suggest.

How can you find out who Sailor Moon is, Naru? This is how: you realize that Sailor Moon has THE EXACT SAME HAIR AS YOUR BEST FRIEND. And the same face and the same height and the same EVERY SINGLE THING.

Oh wait Nephrite figured it out, possibly.

And now the street is going crazy and hallucinogenic.

Yes, it’s Nephrite. And he’s figured it out. And saying please don’t tell anyone won’t help. But also you should really know that saying “prepare to die” won’t help.

And Tuxedo Kamen is here to help. Except Nephrite has to go rescue Naru.

“Even if he has, don’t let that discourage you,” Tuxedo Kamen says, regarding whether Nephrite has discovered that Usagi is Sailor Moon.

DO you care what happens to that girl? I bet you do. Because this is the episode where you quasi-have a redemption arc but then you die. If only every redemption arc ended in such death.

The monsters are throwing exploding marbles at him.

Omg dramatic looks before he carries her home in her pajamas.

Naru-chan NO don’t stay by his side he’s a bad dude and GOT YOU KIDNAPPED BY MONSTERS. And your chocolate parfaits are not going to make up for it.

“Do evil organizations give you days off on Sundays?”

And together they share some giggles and sit there in the woods quietly buzzing with laughter and then MONSTER DEATH SHOULDER STAB ELECTRIFIED EVIL VINE THORNS. “What a pitiful end for you.”

And Naru-chan cannot pull out the electrified evil vine thorns because she is a human and Nephrite… sacrifices himself so the evil marbles don’t kill Naru.

“Cleanse yourself in cold water and repent!” “In the name of Mars, I’ll discipline you!”

Where’d they go? Behind the apparently magical fog. Oh oh it’s time for a fire tiara!! I love when they do the fire tiara. It’s so cool.

“I ended up lying to you until the very end. Forgive me.”

This is accidentally hilarious.

And now he’s turning into glitter and dying. Leaving behind only the torn scrap of her pajama top.

–your fangirl heroine.

slightly maniacal

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