Fictional Friday :: 5 more x4 women I’d like to invent an alternate canon for

3 Oct

What can I say, this keeps being relevant.  You’ll notice that all but one of these ladies was on the cover of my recent fanmix, “Our Revolution is Long Overdue,” because that’s… honestly sort of the point.

5. Adilyn & Braelyn & Charlaine & Danika Bellefleur (Bailey Noble, Natalie Dreyfuss, Hannah Kasulka, Jordan Monaghan, True Blood)
I said last time I did one of these lists that they needed the context of the show.  I’ve since decided that’s not true, or at least it’s flexibly true to the extent that I don’t care anymore.  I’m pretty sure I’m the only person in the fandom who actually gives this much of a damn about the Bellefleur girls (who I’m including as one list item because they do need each other) but I really, really truly do.  Partially just on principle, because introducing four girls to kill three of them off and then drag the other one through the muck as angstfodder for (well, Jessica [Deborah Ann Woll] and) a father-shaped dude?  Lame.  But also because if given the opportunity, the Bellefleur girls could actually be tumblr.  Hipster fairy princesses all.  Flowers and glitter and laser hands galore. Am I the only person who would watch that show?  Probably, but I don’t care.  It should happen.

4. Collette Jane (Kim Dickens, Sons of Anarchy)
How angry am I that Colette (and apparently every one of the escorts at the escort service) got murdered?  Very angry.  Even though it was mostly just by default of her being Kim Dickens i.e. also my Joanie darling, Colette was one of the only characters in the show’s universe that I still care about (and considering that Maureen and Trinity Ashby [Paula Malcomson and Zoe Boyle] are still over in Belfast, I doubt they’ll be brought into the remaining plot, so at least they’re safe.  Now watch, someone’s going to fly to Belfast and shoot them.  Sorry, Maureen and Trinity) and what’s more, it’s the answer to a question I was recently asked by one of my people.  Gosh, it reads like such a gross question, but here it is: “how many dead prostitutes are too many dead prostitutes?”  It’s almost a trick question, though, because the answer is any dead prostitutes are too many dead prostitutes. Or escorts.  Whatever, for the purpose of this it’s all the same.  Just because a woman’s profession involves the pleasure of men (or women, I don’t know, I never saw any female clients at Diosa but there might have been) does not mean that they are disposable.  It’s kind of like prostitutes are the redshirts of crime fiction, and that’s not okay.  Anyway, that’s a rant.  I’d like to watch a story about Colette by herself.  I assume it would just be her taking care of the girls in her employ and whatnot, but that would be nice.

3. Jane Margolis (Krysten Ritter, Breaking Bad)
Hooooooly crap.  I just watched her final episodes tonight and was working very consciously to not scream.  I didn’t like Walter White (Bryan Cranston) to begin with, but now I really don’t like him.  What he did was a horrible thing and Jane deserved better than only existing as Jesse Pinkman’s (Aaron Paul) manic pixie dream drug girl.  I would watch a story about her being a tattoo artist and actually coping with her drug addiction any day.  I would watch a story where she wasn’t dead any day.  She interests me.

2, 1.  Victoria Hand and Isabelle Hartley (Saffron Burrows and Lucy Lawless, Agents of SHIELD)
We were talking today and the idea of a series of undercover assignments and other secret agent miscellany starring these lovely ladies came up.  It seems important.  They’d be awesome and kick ass and take names and pass the Bechdel test and kiss each other and kick bad guys’ asses.  They’d travel the world and fix things and then kiss each other more.  They’d wear excellent suits and occasionally get dolled up to go to fancy parties because sometimes being undercover requires that and then they’d kiss each other more.  Also, they’d kiss each other and nobody would ever make a deal of it.  That’s important too.

–your fangirl heroine.

shut up gross person


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