Whimsy Wednesday :: in which Tuxedo Kamen has a sassy pose and the choir robe dad at the beachfront is kind of a douche.

24 Sep

So earlier this afternoon I came to the conclusion that given all that happened in last night’s Agents of SHIELD and all that… very obviously didn’t happen, I’m going to go ahead and assume that it’s going to be sort of the same formula as Game of Thrones, where the first two episodes are really just one long episode.  Which means that I will deal with them jointly next week.  Otherwise what you’d be getting from me tonight would be a long anxious rant about what is or isn’t up with Jemma (Elizabeth Henstridge) and… not much else of proper consequence, because I don’t really feel qualified to speculate about anything else and while there was a whole ton of exposition it didn’t really finish setting a foundation yet.

But anyway, I realized that Sailor Moon has more episodes released in subtitle than dubs (somehow I’d been looking at the wrong list last week, I think?) so.  I feel like that will make me feel better, probably, because I really did not feel good last night.  After I posted here I had a good twenty minutes of concentrated emotions.  And like… there were plenty of things I enjoyed about last night’s episode, and a few others I was iffy about, but the one thing affected my brain so much on so many levels that I really don’t want to try to write semi-academically about the show as a whole until I have next week’s episode’s evidence to include too.

Oh no Nephrite just did a Nazi salute that was terrifying. It was with the wrong arm but still.

Nephrite has found your weakness Sailor Moon! And it is a hot Tuxedo Kamen.

He also just used the excuse that the universe wasn’t created in a day when he was informed that he wasn’t making progress. And then he monologues and Zoisite is making faces and stuff

Also apparently Nephrite has figured out that Usagi is Sailor Moon because he gave her the letter. Luna just pointed out that that was weird and Usagi was like “it is looooove” that’s a bad idea. Oh wait I remember now! Everyone gets one because he’s luring everyone.

“Remember, a woman must not be easily swayed,” says the teacher.

And oh, Ami is like ?? Of course Ami is like ??

This place will become her grave!!

This is so dramatic.

Oh my gosh and the old man is hitting on the middle school student. “I’ve been interested in you for a while now.” If you are in middle school you should not be going out with someone who goes by Mr. anything. They should be going by a first name.

Usagi is giving dating rules now and they are very silly.

And Naru-chan, poor darling, she’s being attacked because he’s like “you can tell who I am by my voice?” Yes, Nephrite, that’s a normal thing. People can recognize people’s voices. And haircuts.

Yes, Usagi, you should have told Ami and Rei what they’re up to. And Rei is sick in bed and Ami is trying to mind her because that’s what Ami does.

Also I’m pretty sure what Naru said that was translated as “I love you” was just “I like.”

And shouldn’t Usagi realize that the fake Tuxedo Kamen does not have the same hairstyle as the real Tuxedo Kamen? It’s not like the shows up with a different wig on every time.

Oh no, Mamoru just had a weird hallucinogenic seizure that turned him into Tuxedo Kamen. He’s Dr. Jekyll / Mr. Hydeing. Apparently.

“How could you tell I wasn’t Tuxedo Mask?” he asks. “Call it the intuition of a girl in love,” she replies.

Finally Nephrite reveals himself. One of the Dark Kingdom’s Four Kings of Heaven. And he just explained everything and then gave the Nazi salute while multiplying himself into being like nine dudes that formed a constellation that’s now turning into a real lion and attacking her.

That’s really complicated.

And Tuxedo Kamen just did the stupidest leg thing before rushing into battle to battle Nephrite because he’s offended by being impersonated.

It’s a trap! The elevator is going to keep going through the top floor and then fall all the way to the bottom because of earth’s gravitational pull! This is so diabolical. And then the elevator falls but they hang on to the top of the elevator shaft so they’re okay. And no, Nephrite, you did not do it. That was the dumbest evil plan.

“Let’s talk about something to distract ourselves,” Tuxedo Kamen suggests. Then tells her that his blood tells her to come and save her. Because he has a weird feeling that they had a connection in the past.

“You know better to come here without telling us,” Sailor Mercury chides. As Sailor Mars is fighting crime with a medical mask on. And then Mercury is like “don’t fight we need to get Naru to the hospital!!!” Gosh.

But “I can punish him at any time.” The Negaverse is so…. The dynamics here are so weird.

Also now Nephrite is going to target Naru some more.

“The Summer, the Beach, Youth and Ghosts.” Best title. Especially the way she creepily says the “and Ghosts” part.

Summer break and the Negaverse is going to attack them at the beach.

Ami-chan, why are you wearing a head scarf under your bangs an d also under your straw hat?

The girls arguing because they’re lost in the woods on the way to the pension house and they just met a creepy tiny purple-eyed kid with flowers. I don’t remember this episode.

That’s a creepy house. Which… is literally what Usagi just said basically. A creepy house belonging to somebodies named Adams. That’s clever.

And oh Ami is befriending the small person.

Oh no it’s a haunted house with a ghost and a Frankenstein and a monkey butler. I’m so confused. “What if this place is haunted?”

And a creepy father of the little girl; they both wear choir robes and he seems interested in being overprotective. And there is a ghost??? Everyone is terrified. There is incredible power, but it’s probably not a monster ‘cause Rei didn’t sense energy.

Holy crap the father is hypnotizing his small daughter to be a good girl this is so terrifying.

Usagi still hasn’t gotten a new swimsuit since the beauty pageant. Ami is observing that the little girl didn’t emerge from her bedroom and then studying, and Usagi made her not study because having fun is important. As Sakiko the little girl watches sadly.

And now it’s nighttime and the monkey butler oh maybe he’s a werewolf I guess he’s a really crap werewolf is howling from the roof while Rei exorcises the room and Usagi takes a bath and now all of the monster characters are having a secret meeting.

Awwww Ami is befriending Sakiko . “Are you lonely, Sakiko?” OH OH and now she’s speaking to the girl about how she too used to be sad and lonely and then she made friends and now the dad is ordering them all to leave because Ami was talking to Sakiko ughhhh abusive dick. Leave “unless you want to experience an even greater fear!”

Sakiko is being hurt. Sakiko has strong psychic powers and the dad is obsessed with getting her to hone her powers via hypnosis and he’s being emotionally abusive and I’m so uncomfortable I’m so glad I can assume that Ami is going to help them all fix the thing.

Everyone is terrifying. The werewolf and the Frankenstein monster and the ghost are just people and the little girl is being hypnotized into swirling chairs around in the air and making a ghost appear out of psychic energy. And it just blasted Ami-chan so that’s not cool, but only out of the way and then it could start attacking the douche dad. And now they’re transforming.

“Likewise, I am Sailor Mercury!” That is so cute holy crap.

“I can’t take it anymore!” poor hypnotized Sakiko-chan says. Mercury woke her up. Now the ghost is attacking people indiscriminately. Because “I’m guessing that Sakiko’s desire to disobey her father has become so strong that it’s become uncontrollable!” Because dad’s a dick. Who knew his daughter wanted a normal life “and yet…”

Sakiko-chan just bansheed that thing into nonexistence. And now she’s hanging out with the girls and playing beach volleyball while the choir robe douche father watches proudly.

–your fangirl heroine.

this is the only way


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