…and if they would get along with each other. Numerical ratings 1-10 for how well the getting along would go.
10. Lea Michele (Wendla Bergman, Spring Awakening; Rachel Berry, Glee)
Wendla would be so intimidated by Rachel. Rachel’s far too brassy and loud and histrionic; Wendla’s been raised to be very polite and demure. And after a while, she’d start to think that Rachel was a little bit mean, I think. Mean and self-centered. Rachel would be all “Clearly, you’re the most [something], why aren’t you more important?” and Wendla would be all “Because I don’t want to be? I just want to discover things about life without dying. Oh wait.”
9. Michael Cera (Nick O’Leary, Nick & Norah’s Infinite Playlist; Scott Pilgrim, Scott Pilgrim Vs. the World)
Really, I think these pictures say it all. These two aren’t exactly the same, exactly, but they’re similar enough that it would be either a catastrophic meeting of like minds or the beginning of a beautiful friendship. I hope for the latter. They could swap bass lines, Scott could teach Nick about the magic of sweatbands and video game-style combat, they’d talk about how sometimes all you want to do is hold someone’s hand and sometimes all you end up doing is cuddling.
8. Kat Dennings (Norah Silverberg, Nick & Norah’s Infinite Playlist; Max Black, 2 Broke Girls)
Really, the same sort of thing. These two are both snarktastic babes with idiot child blonde best friends named Caroline, they have lots to bond over. Norah is slightly less hard-edged than Max is, and the whole “Norah coming from money” thing would be a little awkward at first, but she’s not annoying about it, so that wouldn’t be awkward for long. Max could teach Norah about proper brassieres, and it would be much less awkward than if some gay boys taught her that lesson.
7. Timothy Olyphant (Seth Bullock, Deadwood; Raylan Givens, Justified)
These two may be sheriffs similarly, and they both shoot lots of people people similarly, but that’s about as far as they get. Seth is overly polite at times, and he’s not a womanizer; Raylan’s brash at times and slightly sarcastic, and he’s fond of the ladies at times. They could have one of those weird friendships that’s also antagonistic, and they would go to the shooting range and tell weird (my brother’s)ex-wife and (junkie)(criminal) girlfriend stories. They would roll their eyes at each other a lot, but that’s okay, because they’re both good at it.
6. Maggie Siff (Rachel Menken, Mad Men; Tara Knowles, Sons of Anarchy)
These two maybe wouldn’t be best friends right off the bat, but they certainly wouldn’t have obvious problems with each other. Neither of them are exactly the “OMGLOL best friends” type, but they’d have respect for each other, even if Rachel would roll her eyes at Tara’s outlaw life and Tara would awkwardface about Rachel’s love choices. Rachel’s a woman in the business world in a time where women weren’t there, really, and Tara’s a helpful legitimate doctor in a world where everyone’s decidedly… not legitimate. But they’d be able to get along.
5. Christina Hendricks (YoSaffBridge, Firefly; Joan Holloway Harris, Mad Men)
Now this would be disastrous. Joan would be frustrated as hell with Saffron’s weakling act, and her manipulative bitch thing would frustrate her in a different way. Meanwhile, YoSaffBridge would be rolling her eyes at Joan’s entire world. “You mean you’re really marrying that man for love? Really? That man didn’t want to be with you on your own conditions, and his conditions were decidedly against what you wanted, and you think that’s love? You’re marrying him for the financial stability, honey. Don’t try to pretend that’s any different. Maybe less mercenary, but it’s the same principle. Don’t even try.” They would be snarking at each other in the worst way.
4. Alan Tudyk (Hoban “Wash” Washburne, Firefly; Alpha, Dollhouse)
This would also be kind of disastrous. Probably because Alpha meeting anyone who’s not also a psychopath or sociopath is a really terrible plan. Alpha might actually be kind of intrigued, in an “awww, you’re so sweet and unassuming” kind of way, but it would end in “and oh by the way I intend to steal your brain so I can learn how to fly spaceships, kthnx.” Wash would be really unnerved by Alpha, though he’d try to be polite about it; he’d crack wise, and Alpha would think that was also endearing, but it just… wouldn’t end well.
3. Summer Glau (River Tam, Firefly; Cameron Phillips, Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles; Bennett Halverson, Dollhouse; Skylar Adams, Alphas)
So. These four all have the “slightly unnerving genius” thing in common. River is the overly emotive mind-reading dissociative type; Cameron is the under…ly emotive robot not-that-tactful type; Bennett is the most straightforward hyperbrilliant type; Skylar is probably the most properly sociopathic, edgy one. (And I do realize that Skylar was on one episode, an episode of a show that I don’t otherwise watch, but.) None of them would know what to do with each other. Cameron would be very confused as to why they all had the same face and she would probably try to figure out if the others were robots too. Skylar would try to figure out how Cameron’s robotics worked, and succeed, of course. River would be tripped out and panicky. Bennett would be really, really intrigued by River’s brain, but when River flipped out on her for trying to maybe investigate, and Cameron had to tell her to please stop asking about amygdalas, she’d probably be able to limit herself to asking too many questions and trying to figure it out based on that and on logical deduction. None of them would be able to give each other any useful life advice, because they all sort of suck at being socially “normal” in their own ways, but Cameron would say awkward slang phrases that she’d heard used and try to make it make sense. Skylar would be itching to get out of this weird dimensional intersection, because she’s got other things to do, okay? Eventually River would make with the awkward niceties in her way and try to be sweet to Bennett somehow, and Bennett would be really thrown off by it, but eventually she’d get over the “who is this girl with my face and what is she talking about” thing and accept the offers of something resembling friendship.
2. Sarah Michelle Gellar (Buffy Summers, Buffy the Vampire Slayer; Siobhan Martin and Bridget Kelly, Ringer)
This encounter would try Buffy’s patience so very much. She’d be trying to accept them as not being evil, because they’re both not technically evil, but she’d be wanting to punch them both in the face after fifteen minutes. She’d want to punch Siobhan for being such a duplicitous, manipulative bitch; she’d want to punch Bridget for being so dense and naive even despite all of her worldly experiences. They’d both probably think Buffy was too much of a goody-goody in one way or another, though Bridget would try to respect her intentions. Siobhan would just be rolling her eyes and making the ultimate bitchface.
1. Anthony Stewart Head (Rupert Giles, Buffy the Vampire Slayer; Nathan Wallace, Repo! The Genetic Opera)
This would go so wrong in so many ways. At first, they’d feel like they had something in common: they’re both protective, intelligent types. Then the “I keep my daughter locked up in her bedroom” and “I kill people for a living” things would come out, and Giles would flip. “How can you think that’s the best for her?!? How can you allow that… that old man to force you to murder people? It was seventeen years ago, man. I understand your need to grieve for someone, I’ve lost someone I love before. But you should be able to rise above it. You’re a smart fellow.” To which Nathan would be saying things like “Yes, well, just because we look similar doesn’t mean that you understand me.” But he’d secretly know it was all true. He’s just not the receptive-to-constructive-criticism type, so nothing would come of it.
–your fangirl heroine.