Whimsy Wednesday :: in which Mako tries to be heterosexual and it turns out badly.

28 Sep

Wherein Usagi falls in love, yet again, this time with Mako who just saved her from a car.

“Her perfume, it smellls really nice.”

I think it’s the way their pupils are drawn. It’s just not what I’m used to and it’s disorienting.

“Curse those meddling Sailor Guardians” ok Beryl are you a Scooby-Doo villain now?

Also Nephrite while Jupiter… no

“You look so beautiful, Naru!”

Why is Usagi imagining herself getting married at the same time as her random nameless friend


Ahahah yes they finally explained the uniform thing. I think it’s the funniest thing in the world. Mako is 5’6” christ.

“Her lunchbox is super cute!” AND SO IS SHE

Why are Usagi’s pupils vibrating

Mako does crafts!

“Scared of a pretty girl with cute earrings and perfume?”

“So Usagi, are all the girls you’re friends with cute?”

“I’ve never had a friend give me a nickname before. I kinda like it.” GAY

“You’re so tall and statuesque. A strapless dress would suit you.”


Rei’s lesbian senses are tingling

“There’s no scientific proof that ghosts are real.”

“I think all men are fools. I don’t trust them.”


“Gaze into my eyes and become my slave” ok ghost bride take a chill

Omg it’s Lorelei

Mako what the shit is going on right now why is Motoki suddenly a dubcon zombie


Tuxedo Mask just kidnapped Usagi willingly from her bedroom in her jammies

Why is it playing choral hell music what the hell

This still looks like fanart I’m sorry

Flashback to Mako’s sad abrupt attempts at heterosexuality. Maybe just date girls they won’t suck as much.

Yeah like…learn that men are terrible early it’s fine

“To love another person isn’t wrong.” Another person who might be any gender.

Yeah, this entire speech is charmingly free of pronouns.

Also I like that Mako straight-up 100% realized Usagi is Sailor Moon right away.

I still love Jupiter’s boots.

“I’ll fill you with regret, it’ll leave you numb!”


“What the hell is this?” SAME I CAN’T STOP LAUGHING

And Jupiter Thunderbolt damn Jupiter’s powerful right off the bat.

“It felt like something more important than love was calling me here.” LIKE LESBIAN LOVE

They’re all so supportive and happy! Now there’s a moon wand!

–your fangirl heroines.


Music Monday :: my thoughts on Heads Up

26 Sep

I am ready for Warpaint’s girl rage tonight.

“Whiteout.” Oh it’s got like, electric twang. Très grindhouse gothic trash but it’s not actually trash, if that makes any sense? Just that it belongs in that kind of place.

“By Your Side.” This feels like disjointed clubbing. Hot damn this is like the Bronze. I can just see the lights and the leather pants. “Love you for days, I’m not alone, you’re the place that I belong, got my girls, I’m not alone.” Heart stabs.

“New Song.” This is the one from before and it’s really nice and tranced out.

“The Stall.” Oh gosh. “The only way to be brave is to give up the strong things” this is the lyric given me by a website anyway and I like the general idea even if I’m not sure that’s actually the words entirely.

“So Good.” This is peaceful. I’m glad. It has been a day.

“Don’t Wanna.” I’m like, completely spacing out but right now that is a good thing.

“Don’t Let Go.” I like that this is a little bit raw. It’s right for this moment.

“Dre.” This is ambient in the best way.

“Heads Up.” Oh, it’s getting a little faster. Grindhouse gothic car chase goodness now, kind of. Or like, the dance scene before the car chase. “And it’s okay it’s okay it’s okay” thank you for reminding me Warpaint I need that.

“Above Control.” Ooh it’s robot music!

“Today Dear.” A little strummier. This is just… it’s calm. I’m glad.

–your fangirl heroine.


Sarcastic Saturday :: dear neurotypicals (the first)

24 Sep

Dear neurotypicals (def. “not displaying or characterized by autistic or other neurologically atypical patterns of thought or behavior.” courtesy of Google),

I don’t want to be that jerk who gets angry at children for just being children, and I apologize if anyone has ever thought I was. But here’s the thing: the stimuli from children just being children (or whatever) often has the potential to flip about ten of my nope switches at any given time. When I am in a quiet place, when I am really focusing, when I am already distracted by one or more other clashing stimuli, when my patience is running low or my mood is already closer to bad than good, and/or when I am trying to do work this is especially difficult. I’m a grown-ass adult. I can tell myself “hey, who cares if that baby is screaming, you have shit to do.”

But, thank you cognitive processing, this is not always easy to do.

I bring this up because I work, currently, in an environment where at least twice a day I am temporarily overwhelmed with, among other things, child-related stimuli. This can include:

  • children running around
  • children disturbing merchandise displays
  • children misbehaving regarding location, i.e. going places they shouldn’t
  • children complaining
  • children interacting with each other loudly
  • children genuinely crying
  • children throwing fits
  • children repeating things incessantly
  • children physically and verbally demanding attention
  • children playing with loud toys
  • children partaking of media without headphones on (i.e. playing their video to the entire room)
  • children refusing to listen to their parents/guardians
  • children being yelled at by their parents/guardians for any of the above
  • children being soothed by their parents in an audible way (i.e a baby’s stroller being pushed around or that same stroller playing loud repetitive sounds like waves crashing or a parent repeatedly shushing their baby)
  • children being cooed at by every adult in the place
  • children asking a lot of questions

Now, a lot of things are perfectly fine in context. In a place that is not specifically designated for other things (like a shopping establishment or medical office) it’s okay for children to run, play, talk, be upset, partake of media, be soothed, etc. Furthermore I personally actually find it charming when children decide they’re going to ask questions about everything (how does w work why is x like that do you like y would you show me z please)… but even that can be a little much when there’s a perfect storm of other items on the list brewing.

I understand that babies cry. I understand that children run. I understand that parents yell at their children (although honestly, I disagree with about 75% of the yelled criticisms I hear parents lobby at their children, especially in a public venue, and I especially object to parents threatening their children with even mild violence and have an instinct to tell the parent to say that again to my face or something equally ineffective – but maybe I’m just soft and permissive and afraid of conflict). I also understand that telephones ring, businesses get busy, people ask questions, people carry on conversations, and other sources of non-child-related stimuli can build up.

I’m not even going to ask you to be mindful of your surroundings and do things like: not bring your children where they don’t have to go, take your children the hell outside when they start crying and not just respond by yelling at them to be quiet which prompts them to cry more, bring headphones for your children if you want to distract them with media, teach your children not to just run around places messing them up for fun. I don’t know anything about parenting. You do you, I guess.

All I’m asking you, parents but particularly neurotypical parents who are possibly less attuned to the ways this stuff could affect people in your surroundings, is to try to become a little more attuned and cut those of us whose brains are particularly sensitive to shrieking on top of blurs of toddler flashing around us on top of buttons from a Happy Meal toy being pushed repeatedly (or what have you) a little more slack. We’re not just being a killjoy or hating your children. We’re not intending to get short-tempered if that should happen. (We’re also not trying to criticize your parenting or get short-tempered because we’re trying not to criticize your parenting.) I just know that for me, personally, layers upon layers of noise and distraction can set off flares of anxiety, which in turn makes me have to work harder to maintain normalcy, which in turn in turn in turn.

I guess just… be more careful about things like that, neurotypicals especially.

–your fangirl heroine.


Fashion Friday :: sure, a wedding.

23 Sep


This wedding is for a happy modern AU of Lyanna Stark, where she marries who she loves and does not die in childbirth. To celebrate this, have a picture of Aisling Francisiosi, the actress who played Lyanna, looking very happy and alive.


So Lyanna was into horses. Also, this dress isn’t too froofy. Horse-Drawn Marriage Dress, ModCloth.


Blue roses blue roses she is the queen of love and beauty at her happy alive wedding. Blue Fascinator Hat, SQUISHnCHIPS at Etsy.


And you’d better believe this tomboy sass princess would have coordinating blue velvet booties. Edit Velvet In Bootie, ModCloth.


I love these they’re so unnecessary and cute? I don’t know. Set of Lace Bridal Gloves in White by GlamandfancyShop at Etsy.


And here is a nice nightgown that she can be very alive in. That’s Snooze to Me Nightgown in Opal, ModCloth.

–your fangirl heroine.


Theatre Thursday :: have I really never done the Spring Awakening talk?

22 Sep

I am having a hard time trying to find books to read this month for my reading list topic of “suicide.” I think this is because typical adult fare doesn’t appeal in this topic, I don’t want to read sad things about queer kids, and I don’t want to read about sad heteros either.

But the other weekend I was listening to Spring Awakening very loudly on my noise-cancelling headphones to drown out my dad blasting yet another Dead and Company concert he found on the internet and it occurred to me. I haven’t actually ever sat down with y’all and given an elaborate expository narrative about my relationship with this musical, though I’ve hinted.

So it’s junior year of high school. In high school all I did musically was ask for the cast recording to every musical that remotely appealed to me, and Spring Awakening was a fairly new release. As you know, I was big into Rent (am still very fond), so “oh cool a new rock musical.” I was in love by the first time I finished the album, the kind of love where you evangelize to all your friends and make sure they all have the album too. We were a bunch of theatre nerds, so this was pretty much par for the course.

Over the course of the next year I swandove into this musical as a special interest. I got the sheet music and learned how to play it, I wrote more than one melancholy-but-optimistic story about the characters (for the sakes of my three best friends at the time), I read the original play and in fact wrote my AP English Literature essay on it (it was a prompt about something about childhood, or innocence, or something – I couldn’t resist! Plus, they say “use direct quotes” but don’t let you bring books, but conveniently I had memorized lines from the play) and also did my final theatre class monologue from it (the play version of Ilse in the woods, complete with fake wildflowers I toted around all day). Said three best friends, along with two boys (one friend, one boyfriend) and my parents, did Spring Awakening for Halloween that year, at the same time I was learning how to Photoshop, and this resulted in an honest-to-goodness photo shoot in my living room that I then edited all to hell. I present the evidence, because what do I have to lose?


(The girl [as Anna] whose face is blurred out is someone I haven’t spoken to in years, really; the boys are the boys [in this picture Hanschen and Melchior, though the Hanschen played Moritz for most of the shoot. The blonde [as Martha] is the one who once dressed as Captain Shortpants for a Can’t Stop the Serenity trip with us Years ago and the redhead [as Wendla], of course, is my Inara-Penny-Buffy cosplay friend of old. The adults are… my parents. I, as I’ve mentioned before, am Ilse.)

This was a project. My parents rented their costumes, sort of last-minute on a whim; the Wendla costume (which funnily enough is the one that won the official costume contest the show held that year, though my friends took the entire album with them and showed us all off to the cast, something I’m still proud of) is actually, if I recall, jammie shorts and a maternity swimsuit cover-up, and the boys’ costumes are button-ups, socks, and pants that my mother cut and hemmed, but our Martha made her own costume and my mom was completely responsible for the Anna and Ilse dresses. You’ll see also the chalkboard in this picture, imitating the one on the set; it was a green sheet we hung up in front of a bookshelf and wrote on with chalk both to cover distractions and, well, imitate the set. The stage set in this photograph, though, is completely computer-rendered, because I was just that kind of dork and I wanted to see if I could.

We took pictures. We took every possible picture we could think of to take. There’s us girls all lined up on the table pretending to be in the middle of “My Junk” even though I was Ilse instead of Thea (we couldn’t find a Thea and just did without), there’s our Wendla standing on a chair, there’s our Moritz practically headbanging, there’s all of us jumping around in rebellion. As I’ve said, these did get shown to the original cast, which is still something I am proud of even if it’s silly, because we cared.

We were eventually going to turn the little stories I’d written into a movie. (We never did this.) Our Anna rewrote lyrics, I wrote a script based on my vignettes; it was about the girls, in the aftermath of the deaths and horrors, vowing to run away from this place forever but together this time, away from hurtful adults. They were naive, but they were together and that was kind of the point. There were also, of course, requisite ghost cameos. It was all very spiritual; to quote Hanschen, I was “such a sentimentalist.”

In the following months, I would see the show four times: twice in New York (once in the front row, once in the onstage seating) and twice on tour, the latter time of which I actually burst into big sloppy tears and bawled all through the finale. I saw it again about a year ago at a local college and in a very Pavlovian fashion did exactly the same thing, and I know that’s how it will be forever now. I’ve made my peace with it. It’s heavy for me.

This damn musical, though. The thing is, none of us were going through exactly what the musical is about in high school. Religion was present in our lives to varying degrees, but not so strictly; none of us had parents reigning over us so hard, none of us were having contraband teenage sex. But the general feelings of youthful hope and rage… I’m eight years older now than I was at the time and the album still gives me chills. I’ve never actually performed the show, because nobody should put me in musicals that people have to watch probably, but I know all of the harmonies and still sing them in the car. Etcetera.

And yeah, I relate to pretty much everyone. Questioning authority like Melchior? Yeah, I’ve done that. Being naive and absolutely hating it like Wendla? Yup. Consistently. Beating myself up over failures like Moritz? I’ve never done it as intensely as him, I’ve never actually thought about suicide, but I don’t take anti-depressant drugs just for kicks. Being the artistic loner like Ilse, carrying around a great hurt like her and Martha? Not the same kind of artistic loner and definitely not the same kind of great hurt, but “The Dark I Know Well” completely destroys me every time, to this day, because it hits me, as they say, in the feels. Like Hanschen and Ernst, I can be very queer. Like Georg, I like music and boobs. And like Anna? Well, although I’m not going to have children barring an accidental baby acquisition, “when I have children, I’ll let them be free, and they’ll grow strong and tall.”

There is so much truth in this anachronistic rock musical about repressed German schoolchildren. So many feelings that still ring so true to me. But I think the thing that makes me bawl my eyes out at “The Song of Purple Summer” is – well, it’s the same reason I love Sailor Moon, honestly. I love this world and the good things in it, and I can get very much in touch with my inner darkness but I want more than anything to believe in an earth that will wave with corn, a day so white so warm, a mare that will neigh with stallions that they’ve mated and foals they’ve borne. I want to believe in something beautiful, somewhere, somehow.

–your fangirl heroine.


Whimsy Wednesday :: in which the Bad Het has somehow become Worse Het.

21 Sep

This episode is going to be too heterosexual, I can just feel it.

Wow Mom wow.

Protect her with a Moon Tiara Boomerang.

The Kingdom of D!

Ah it’s been a few episodes. Time for exposition-dumps.


Is it just me or did Rei get a personality transplant, by the way?

She kind of did. I feel like I remember reading once that manga!Rei was a lot more serious than original anime!Rei, and that might be one of the reasons some manga purists are glad about Crystal?

I guess that makes sense. But it also kind of makes her less interesting, ngl.

Yeah. This is thus far a little bit one-note for her. I want her to be feisty, dammit.

Look, they’re all princesses. They all have tiaras.

“I had a feeling and it wasn’t good.”

I also like that Ami and Rei are clearly dressed for a party but clearly not dressed for a ball.

“I wonder if my little girl will grow up to be that pretty too.” BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT MATTERS LOL

At least her mom wants her to be competent.

“Oh no! I’m soaked!”

Oh look! A reason for a tuxedo!

Wow Usagi now everyone is staring.

Alright wake me when the het stops

The princess’ hair color changed from the original anime for no reason.

I mean, I like their uniforms better without the stupid bubbles on the sleeves, but why don’t they have stupid bubbles what is the purpose of that I just want to know why these differences I’m not upset about them per se just baffled.

The disguise pen can also become a flotation device I’m so?

Sailor Moon’s sleeves still have the bubbles what the hell.

I wish my nails just spontaneously sprouted polish.

Tuxedo Mask’s warmth inside just grew her a new fancier tiara. What the actual tits.


“Use the new tiara to reflect the moonlight onto him!” “Moon Twilight Flash” What the fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck

How did they make Bad Het WORSE HET


Okay, Mars has bubbles too. But Ami, whose power involves bubbles, does not have sleeve bubbles. What the fuck.

Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo stoooooooooooooooooooooooooooop ssssssstoooooooooooooooooop


“Get away from Usagi right now!” Luna has it right.

–your fangirl heroines.


Television Tuesday :: on Stranger Things

20 Sep

Thanks to external motivation, I actually managed to slam through Stranger Things relatively around the time of its big popularity. I am actually kind of the worst at binging in a time-sensitive fashion, because although I appreciate the theoretical concept of it I do not currently often have the luxury of that many uninterrupted personal hours, and I am good at making excuses. But we had, as I say, external motivation to do Stranger Things, and it’s only eight episodes, so two a night for four nights was easily achievable.

We finished last week and I was thinking “how am I going to blog about this?” Drift partner has consistently pointed out that among other things the show is 2spoopy for her, so I said maybe I would write a 0spoopy spoiler-free summary of the show. Then it occurred to me that the only way to do that would pretty much be to summarize the characters, because it’s pretty much plot from the first scene.

Also the typography, which is A+++ genre-perfect.  I have seen a few movies in the genre that this pays homage to, of the era, and they did excellent picking their fonts.

Anyway! The noteworthy characters (consider this a helpful guide if you plan on traversing tumblr, want to know who everyone is, but don’t want to watch the show).

Joyce Byers: is Winona Ryder, so that’s pretty cool. She is a working mom and the world seems pretty determined to screw with her, but she really cares about her people, okay?

Jonathan Byers: I hear there are folks on the internet who are like “oh bb so precious” about him and… I don’t know. Maybe I’m just too queer to understand the appeal, but I would be wary around him if he went to my high school. I think there is good in him, but there’s also a bunch of sketch that I personally cannot with.

Will Byers: he is the wizard child who goes poof.

Jim Hopper: requisite growly angst man with tragic past, basically. At first terrible at listening.

Ted Wheeler: virtually useless human furniture.

Karen Wheeler: she’s trying so hard and it’s just not happening. I feel like she probably has a really arcane interest and/or degree that she doesn’t get to use because it’s not normal or practical and she’s completely lost trying to be normal but she can’t show it.

Nancy Wheeler: 80s AU Sansa, essentially. All boys who are not her biological relations should probably stay 100 feet away from her because they don’t deserve her.

Mike Wheeler: the eagerest beaver to ever be, except he’s also a child and oh my god that was some unnecessary heterosexuality. (That’s a spoiler, I guess, but whatever. Be warned.) Also, Finn Wolfhard is an amazing name.

Holly Wheeler: cute but also virtually useless human furniture.

Dustin Henderson: cleidocranial dysplasia, now you know. But honestly, this kid is a sweet kid and I’d like to buy him some toys because he’s very enthusiastic and honorable.

Lucas Sinclair: I’m cutting the kid some slack. His skepticism was reasonable, although we as the audience knew it was unnecessary. He seemed pretty chill other than that, though.

Eleven: this canon’s laboratory-grown monster murder baby! She’s charming, sincere, and seemed kind of befuddled by heterosexual advances.

Steve Harrington: ehhhhhhhhhhh he is every bad 80s stereotype popular guy. I just cannot.

Martin Brenner: I have no time for spoopy old men.

Barb Holland: yes, okay, she is one of ours and deserves justice and stuff.

–your fangirl heroine.