Sarcastic Saturday :: protip for people dealing with people with anxiety [in haiku]

3 Dec

Don’t “let’s talk tomorrow,” please
That makes today hell.

–your fangirl heroine.


Fashion Friday :: I am anticipatory.

2 Dec


What will be next for Melisandre (Carice Van Houten)? I’m sure people on my mom’s message board are speculating but I don’t want to know yet.


It’s like they know I do riot grrl Melisandre. Work Up the Encourage Dress, ModCloth.


I love this. They know. Open Road Odyssey Jacket in Merlot, ModCloth.


Mel is fun because it’s just like, matchy-matchy-matchy. She is committed to her aesthetic. Originality in Effect Boot, ModCloth.


It works. It’s vibey. Ensemble Enhancement Thigh Highs, ModCloth.


Not quite hexagonal, but it works. You’re in Good Hangs Earrings, ModCloth.

–your fangirl heroine.


Whimsy Wednesday :: in which there is so much drama.

30 Nov

Wheee heterosexual bullshit

I mean, I can be total trash for star-crossed reincarnated lovers bullshit, see Tolkien’s shenanigans, but. No.

Yeah. Like the premise could work. I just don’t buy the Usagi and Mamoru love story in the original anime where there is tons more development even though it’s dumb, let alone in this version where it’s like “who is this boy on the bus” “oh I’m passed out in his bed” “we know each other’s secret identities now” “cool” “I love you”????? That is not love.

What the fuck?

I liked that sentence better before it ended, when it was just “I have all the energy.”

“Even if she should one day be reborn” wow you had a contingency plan for this bullshit Queen Serenity. That’s fucked up.

Well, that series of still shots of the Scouts was awfully silly.

“I need to go to the Chamber of Prayer in the Moon Castle.” Ok cat.

She’s not a very good queen, probably, if all she is is a glowing light.

Also I like that these people draw scratches and injuries like a child. They are literally just black scribbles on them.

“[Attacking Grunt]”

Jesus Christ this is all so dramatic

And yet it’s still not as emotionally wrenching as the finale bits in the first season of the anime?



(eels = lesbians)

“Ridiculous! Sailor Moon is inside me!” PFFFFFT

So they’re putting their power in the sword to send to Sailor Moon, who is not visible, thus killing themselves? I mean, ow, but the one-by-one dying in the original is so much more dramatically satisfying. It’s brutal. It shows and doesn’t tell.

I mean, it tells a little. But still.

His pocket watch stopped her from stabbing herself. Now Sailor Moon is cry and shadow babies are zombie-moaning at her.

“Such a beautiful cacophony of bitterness and malice” I didn’t know Queen Metalia invented the internet

I feel like it might be more effective if they didn’t say “Legendary” every time.

Also she needs to quit saying “inside me” lololol

Mamoru inadvertently summoned the force ghosts of the Four Kings of Heaven? Or just of Kunzite, apparently.

Nope there’s the others. Wishing happy heterosexuality before they poof.

So what I want to know is, Sailor Moon was like “I need to be back with my friends” and now Tuxedo Mask expects he can replace all four of them? Christ.

She literally hasn’t even had a moment to mourn them. She’s just gone “I need them” and then gotten busy doing other things


–your fangirl heroines.


Television Tuesday :: I am not Sheldon Cooper.

29 Nov

There have been very many essays, I’m sure, written on all the ways that The Big Bang Theory is a problem. It’s a problem. It’s a problem in so very many ways and, having unwillingly seen enough of it that I can tell you the entire plot of episodes after seeing a scene of some of them, I consider myself something of an expert. But I’m not going to sit down and rehash the sexism, or the racism, or any of that. Other people can probably do that better. I’m going to address something that affects me personally.

I am not Sheldon Cooper.

Pretty much everyone I know who watches this show without finding it problematic has, at some point, told me and/or mutual acquaintances that I’m a lot like Sheldon, I have so much in common with Sheldon, oh I’m really going to like Sheldon he’s so similar to me. What they mean by this, I assume:

  • I am obsessive about things, including my special academic areas and my favored media, sometimes to the point of near-pedantry.
  • I collect things with a similarly singular focus.
  • I believe that everything has its place and like to keep it there (but am pickier about this in some contexts than others).
  • I am an inveterate nerd.
  • I like answering people’s questions correctly and am not bothered that this might make me seem like a know-it-all sometimes.
  • I am very good at certain things and less that at others.
  • I would much rather stay in with a movie than go out to a club.
  • I enjoy routines and similarity.
  • I am sometimes baffled by social conventions.
  • I have a slightly off, literal sense of humor.
  • I sometimes take things literally in general
  • I occasionally say things too bluntly.

In short: I assume these people have the sense that I am the one of these things that’s not neurologically like the other, and they pick up on the coding that Sheldon is also the one of these things that’s not neurologically like the other. I have me an autism flavor, though they don’t think to use that description, and so does Sheldon. Sheldon is heavily coded neuroatypical, which would be great, we always need more neuroatypical characters in fiction, if… it wasn’t constantly played as a joke or an annoyance or a joke about how annoying it is.

To wit: obsessions, collecting, rearranging, savant skills, voluntary aloneness, routines, confusion about social interactions, literalism, bluntness, all of these things can be found on lists of common autism traits. I personally try to work with these things, putting my obsessions and routines to good use, learning how to mimic social things even if later I have to ask why they’re done, using my literal interpretations for comedic relief. (“In that Sheldon is a character written with a sense of humor, he has a robotic sense of humor,” my dad argued. “It is not the same thing, my sense of humor is that of a highly literate robot,” I sighed.) For a very long time, most of my life, I figured I was just an anxious quirky nerd girl with funny habits, because the way that autism manifests in me is not, necessarily, the stereotype. I exhibit stereotypical autistic behaviors (see above) but I am not a stereotypical autistic person, so the clues didn’t get put together. Some people close to me could see something was there, but they didn’t know what.

Sheldon Cooper is a stereotypical autistic person. He’s a lifelong savant scientist with chronic social difficulties, pedant king of special interests (Star Trek, flags, and that popular stereotype trains), he’s all about rules and routines to the point where it makes everyone around him crazy. He is unflinching. He is insensitive. He is abrasive. He is very knowledgeable in his areas, but basic things like driving cars or comforting his friends or dealing with authority figures leave him stymied. I would go so far as to say there is nothing about Sheldon that couldn’t be part of autistic coding.

And because Sheldon’s behavior is atypical, and because quite frankly Sheldon is a jackass, virtually all of what he does has at some point been a punchline. That’s part of the annoyance I feel when compared to Sheldon. If, presumably, I am being compared to Sheldon for these behaviors, but these behaviors are a joke, does that mean I am also a joke? Consciously, people would say no, but subconsciously? (A trait I get from my anxiousbrain: overanalyzing everyone’s behavior and motivations. Probably because when I was younger I was bad at reading them, so I learned how, and then it became an obsession.)

And furthermore: Sheldon? Sheldon is a jackass. Sheldon is not developed in a three-dimensional way because on that show, like on many sitcoms, nobody is, but the writers took the easy way out and lumped stereotypical autism behavior in with stereotypical jackassery so his unflinching, insensitive, abrasive characteristics are often grouped with his more stereotypically autistic ones. He is a snob, he is more than a little petty, he is stubborn, he is selfish. He is a slew of negative traits that are sometimes lumped in with autism and applied to what people think of as “autistic behavior,” he is a slew of negative traits that I myself have been trying consciously to avoid even since before I started throwing the a-word around because I want more than anything to be good.

So. I am not Sheldon Cooper. I am three-dimensional, I try to be kind, and I am not a joke. I reckon the same is true of many people who get compared to Sheldon.

–your fangirl heroine.


Sarcastic Saturday :: dear neurotypicals (the second)

26 Nov

Dear neurotypicals,

Do you know how grating conscious wackiness can be?

I’m not talking about when people have quirky interests or crack a few stupid jokes to lighten a tense mood. I’m not talking about having moments every so often where you put on a show for a specific reason (although that can be annoying too, in its way). I’m talking about when they have, clearly consciously, built themselves a persona that is more akin to a mediocre recurring skit on SNL than an actual human being. When you hear them tell the same two jokes with slight variations every day, when they snort and wheeze like Rick from Pawn Stars at every funny thing they say or do and most of the unfunny ones too, when they tease everyone around them and then drag themselves, when they mug and sing and laugh and guffaw and perform so constantly that even if they weren’t making twenty negative audiovisual stimulations to contend with every hour you’d get exhausted being around them.

I can’t explain how one can tell the difference between unconscious and conscious wackiness, and I might not always be accurate in my judgments, but while I’ll admit people have unconscious quirks that can really irk me (more so depending on the day) it’s the ones that are clearly, constantly put on for the supposed benefits of others (?) that truly irk me.

The reasons I am addressing this to neurotypicals are threefold. Sometimes it is really annoying, especially from the point of view of someone who conceivably could be taken as weird by societal standards, when someone seems to be trying to be Wacky!!!! to get attention. Sometimes the things that seem annoying to most people can strike neuroatypical folks as especially annoying, to the degree that it is legitimately hard for them to deal with not flipping out about how annoyed they are. And sometimes these feelings of frustration linger enough until they can be ranted about, and neurotypicals need to be understanding and not just argue about how the ranter is unable to get along with anyone. That’s the thing. As per two, many of us can get along with people, but only barely, and that neurologically imposed double life is in itself exhausting.

So yeah. It’s another situation where the solution is to be more mindful.

–your fangirl heroine.

Fashion Friday :: sorry you’re the last one left, dear.

25 Nov

It is sad that Olenna (Diana Rigg) is the last Tyrell left standing, notwithstanding the randoms and characters that aren’t in the television program. That is because House Tyrell is my jam. Here is sassy vintage mourning Olenna.

Very covered-up, all proper-like. Glitz a Move On Top, ModCloth.

I always like doing 1950s-esque Olenna because in a modern AU that’d be her golden age, stylewise. Gold Stomping Grounds Tulle Skirt, ModCloth.

Demure, a bit, but still sassy. Glossed in the Shuffle Flat, ModCloth.

I actually really like original flavor Olenna’s hint of turquoise, but this is suitable too. By Show of Glam Ring, ModCloth.

–your fangirl heroine.

Whimsy Wednesday :: in which what the actual fuck just happened.

23 Nov

“[Heavy Breathing] [Grunting] [Gasping]”

I am still annoyed that they all throw their umbrellas in the air and giggle, because that is pointless. The only time it is good to do that is if it is not raining, which they established it was. It’s whimsical but silly.

I have hopes, at least, that this will actually explain Queen Metalia decently.

Lookit all the girls fighting evil Endymion. Lookit Mercury sciencing it and sending everyone into hyperspace????

“She sold her soul to the evil queen Metalia” and led the rebellion against the moon. Ok Beryl. I’m still loling over the fact that she apparently did that while participating in a community production of Les Miserables.

Venus just summoned a sword and now attacks, to little success except now they’re not tied up in hair at least. Why do so many of these villains have evil hair.

Now the heterosexual love between Usagi and Mamoru is fueling the Silver Crystal and therefore fueling Sailor Moon’s evil-defeating sword to defeat Queen Beryl.


Holy shit she’s evil Eponine



I mean.

“These reborn moon people”

So now Sailor Moon is alone in the Dark Kingdom running around in the… snow?

“You see, its power is our heterosexual love!” that’s not gonna fly hon

Oh time to go fight evil in the Arctic. “I sense a strong evil here,” Sailor Mars says.


Okay but is this Civil War like did we accidentally turn on Civil War

Civil War is still gayer than this.

Good point.

“[Evil Moaning]”

“Stop telling stories. Our job is to stop you.” No Zoisite your job is to be gay and you have failed at it

Why can you see her eyebrows through her bangs?

“You can do this, Sailor Moon!” This, as Luna just explained, being… some form of invasive surgery. Or the Power of Love equivalent.

“You’ve always been there for me” for like…two months…

Purity and healing, virtue and affection, patience and harmony, wisdom and comfort. What the fuck. Sworn in gay knighthood to Master Endymion.

They were about to have stupid heterosexual reunions and then Metalia appeared in a flash of murder. Why the fuck are you crying girls why

I’m so bored oh my goddddddd why are heteros

“We’ll never forget you” you mean you’ll never forget that you had vague memories of a past life a week ago?

All she did was slash him on the chest c’mon you guys.


Except now suicide

What the fuck

–your fangirl heroines.