This is still ridiculous. But it still happens in my head.
10. Kate Gregson (Brie Larson, United States of Tara) and Jessica Hamby (Deborah Ann Woll, True Blood)
I don’t even know. Kate would be doing her stewardess thing and maybe, since this is some demented alternate universe, she’d be stewardessing for one of those vampire-friendly planes. I don’t even know why I feel like these two would get along; they’d be really easily frustrated with each other, but I think they both need a girlfriend, and they could appreciate each other’s existences. Kate would of course big sister it, they’d swap crazy family and crazy love life stories, it would be good for them.
9. Anya Jenkins (Emma Caulfield, Buffy the Vampire Slayer) and Pam de Beaufort (Kristin Bauer van Straten, True Blood)
Sure, there would be that moment where Anya’s going, “Oh, you’re a vampire. That’s potentially bad and I might have to slay you if Buffy isn’t here,” and Pam’s going, “Fat chance, sugar,” but once they got past that awkwardness, I feel like these two would really get along. They both have that same sarcastic sense of humor that tends to permeate their very existence. Anya doesn’t always know how to “be human,” Pam ignores the concept of playing nice entirely. They’d be over in the corner snarking all the time, Anya would give Pam unwanted business tips re: Fangtasia, Pam would roll her eyes at everything Anya said, they’d have a system. It’d be that friendship where you argue all the time to show you like a person, but that’s how Anya and Pam both operate.
8. Faith Lehane (Eliza Dushku, Buffy the Vampire Slayer) and Sweet Pea (Abbie Cornish, Sucker Punch)
They’re both resistant to friendship, yes, but they both need someone. Since neither of them is prone to graciously accepting anything, and both of them are super-tough and can take care of themselves, they’d be a good pair, I think. Sweet Pea would get out of the institution and she and Faith would go on an epic redemptive ass-kicking mission all around the country, defending themselves and others from assholes both supernatural and normal.
7. Adelle DeWitt (Olivia Williams, Dollhouse) and Rupert Giles (Anthony Stewart Head, Buffy the Vampire Slayer)
These two. Oh, man. They went to college together, I can just see it: they were neighbors, and they hated each other for at least six months, but it was that hating that grows into “we’re actually well suited to be friends.” (They maybe tried sex once or twice, too, but that just wasn’t gonna happen.) They occasionally wrote each other over the years, and they were amused when they realized they were both eventually stuck in California. They’d have phone dates where they were wry and sarcastic and vague about their lives, and they’d both be drinking while they did so, ‘cause Giles would only think to call Adelle when he was heading down the road to drunkenness (which would amuse her, not that she’d ever say so).
6. Topher Brink (Fran Kranz, Dollhouse) and Willow Rosenberg (Alyson Hannigan, Buffy the Vampire Slayer)
Largely thanks to this. Topher and Willow both understand the whole “oops, almost ended the world/accidentally ended the world” thing, and they both understand watching bullets hit the love of their lives right in front of them. Theirs would be a friendship based largely in mutual commiseration; also a mutual tendency to occasionally make situationally inappropriate pop cultural references and to say things that go over everyone else’s heads.
5, 4. Kim Pine (Alison Pill, Scott Pilgrim Vs. the World) and Max Black (Kat Dennings, 2 Broke Girls) OR Ivy (Liza Lapira, Dollhouse)
Kim needs more girl buddies. In the comics there’s Lisa, who I adore, and she’s friendly with Ramona (Mary Elizabeth Winstead), yes, but it’s not a close relationship. Kim and Max would just be having these endless sarcasm battles forever, wherein they openly despised everyone and everything around them. They’d bitch about all of the people they have to be consistent for, they’d bitch about all of the idiot children populating their lives. They should be pen pals. Then they could just write pages and pages of “by the way, this is ridiculous” rambling about their lives and vent to each other.
Kim and Ivy would get on for that same “why are we so consistent” reasons. Ivy needs more girl buddies, too; she needs a place to go “WHY IS EVERYONE AROUND ME INSANE?” and “WHY DO THEY UNDERVALUE ME SO MUCH?” Kim would understand that. She feels undervalued, too, and she’s not inquisitive enough to ask Ivy questions about exactly what it is that she does for money, which Ivy would appreciate. Ivy’s occasionally sarcastic, too, even if she doesn’t always go as obvious about it.
3. Alpha (Alan Tudyk, Dollhouse) and YoSaffBridge (Christina Hendricks, Firefly)
I can’t even explain how much I want this criminal partnership to exist. (And there’s a part of me that’s sure that YoSaffBridge is a composited Doll, or she could be… which would be even better.) Between the two of them, they probably know every single thing about crime, period, and they could pull off such epic crimes. Alpha would encourage her to expand her efforts beyond conning various men, and they’d travel throughout everywhere killing people and stealing from them and being sadistic nutcases. And it would be beautiful.
2. Tara Knowles (Maggie Siff, Sons of Anarchy) and Simon Tam (Sean Maher, Firefly)
DOCTOR BUDDIES. These two would meet at med school, and since he’s not a creep who wants in her pants, and she’s not annoying, and they’re both hyperprofessional at times, they’d form a sort of working friendship that would be consistent and good. And since they’re both livin’ the outlaw life now, because this is some universe where the crew of Serenity is in modern times or the Sons are in the future (they totally run their own planet), they’d help each other out. If the crew raided some hospitals, Simon would call Tara up and be like “Hey, we’ve got some drugs, you need any?” If the crew needed some emergency medical help and they were by the planet that the Sons run, Tara would be right there to offer something that they didn’t have, special surgical tools or something.
1. Shosanna Dreyfus (Melanie Laurent, Inglourious Basterds) and Erik Lennsherr (Michael Fassbender, X-Men: First Class)
All I can say is that this epic Nazi-hunting party needs to happen. Now. (Also, if this is happening, can I just say that Shosanna should have pyrokinetic powers? She should.) They could go around Europe killing Nazis that deserve to die and wearing snappy vintage clothes, Shosh would teach Erik about films, they’d speak every language together, it would just be beautiful and perfect and messed up and amazing.
–your fangirl heroine.