A year ago, I talked about vampire procreation, but that isn’t all there is to vampire sexuality. Far from. So as usual, canon-sorted.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer/Angel:
- To a soulless vampire, sex is just part of the fun. It goes hand-in-hand with blood and killing: they eat, they kill, they bang. Sometimes more of one of those variables than another, but that’s the basic equation.
- Sex, at least for the Whirlwind, both did and did not acknowledge the family structure that Drusilla (Juliet Landau) set up. The “official” pairs amongst those four were Darla/Angelus, Dru/Spike, which held to at least the basic seniority involved, but then again, the official pairs were guidelines and not strict rules: “Intimate liaisons also occurred between Angelus and Drusilla, Angelus and Spike, and Darla and Drusilla,” says the Buffy wiki.
- And let’s just look at that for a second. Both possible slash couples, though not seen liaising, are technically canon. Angelus/Angel (David Boreanaz) and Spike (James Marsters) can be read as quite hetero-leaning; that they happened to interact sexually was probably more an exception than a rule. Darla (Julie Benz) and Drusilla are probably hetero-leaning; they aren’t seen interacting sexually with other women, really, though there’s more basis in canon for the nature of their having proper intimacy and not just doing something. This is to say: while sexuality as a whole is always fluid, vampire sexuality is more openly so, perhaps. It was network TV, so much of this is implied and not seen, but hey.
- Now, Angel and the “true happiness” issue. The curse that causes Angel’s soul to disappear being triggered by orgasm in the company of the woman he loved is an interesting metaphor. It’s not just sex that does it (Angel does have sex later without the soul-losing repercussions) but sex with that person, well. That this is what does it, and that it’s not fully revealed until after the initial incident, is pretty easy to read as commentary on at least the social connotations of acting on one’s desires.
- Spike has a fair amount of sex. He’s routinely with Dru when we meet him, he’s eventually with vampire Harmony (Mercedes McNab), he gets with Buffy for a relationship that’s mostly sex without the strings of affection and trust, he probably gets with others intermittently if he can. At least pre-soul, Spike is one of those who seems to need to have someone to define himself in relation to: he both belongs to Dru and cares for her, he has Harmony, he has Buffy and belongs to her simultaneously. Angel’s identity is largely defined by his perceived inability to be sexual, and Spike’s identity is largely defined by the ways in which he is sexual.
- Oh, and let’s mention vampire Willow (Alyson Hannigan) and Xander (Nicholas Brendon) also; because this is canonical alternate universing, it’s not worth mentioning in many of these lists, but these guys are a perfect example of: flirtation, killing, all in one.
- SEXY VAMPIRE SEX OHMAHGAH. That’s people who don’t watch True Blood talking about True Blood.
- But see… not only? Yes, there is sex. Many characters, vampire and not, regularly partake of the sex, because it is HBO where you can do that, but, uhm. I’ve mentioned before that I have never really found it gratuitous, and that still stands. And it’s not like there isn’t sex in the source material. Maybe not as much, or as specifically strange, but it is there. Because hey, you know what? Sometimes people in life have sex.
- Buffy seems to have a sire/childe relationship imperative: rather, there are plenty of vampires who don’t end up sleeping with those they’re linked to by blood, but the main instances we see of Darla/Angelus and Dru/Spike are blood ties and intimate ties both. True Blood is… fuzzier on this subject. Which I talk about all the time, but I’m stating it here for the record too. I’m just addressing this vampire by vampire.
- Bill (Stephen Moyer). His sexcapades with Sookie (Anna Paquin) comprise much of the first seasons, which means that SEXY VAMPIRE SEX OHMAHGAH is already a misnomer: Bill is a vampire, Sookie is not, it’s not like this is just a show about vampires banging. Actually, a reasonable amount of the sex we see is not vampire/vampire at all. Bill did have a sexual relationship with Lorena (Mariana Klaveno) his maker, which ended when she released him; it is reprised in season three (and while I didn’t even find the head-turned-backward sex gratuitous, it was definitely nosewrinkle-inducing) and it’s definitely not of the good. Then there’s more vampire/vampire sex when Bill hooks up with Salome (Valentina Cervi) in season five.
- Eric (Alexander Skarsgard). He gets a fair amount of fangbanger action before he eventually hooks up with Sookie (this in contrast with Bill, who decidedly does not; this could be reflective of the fact that Bill starts as a super-mainstreamer, or reflective of the fact that Bill is kind of a prude). He is unashamed of this, and it’s definitely not vanilla, nope. When Eric gets with Sookie, it’s much more “normal” – sure, it’s outside the first time, then it’s in sex Narnia, but it’s still something like missionary. And then Nora (Lucy Griffiths). They have two different sex scenes, and this is more vampire/vampire sex, but unlike Lorena/Bill or Bill/Salome, it’s… presumably from a place of if not romantic love in the traditional sense then at least some kind of love. Eric and Godric’s relationship… well, it’s never fully described, but there’s much speculation. Also of note is the conversation between Eric and Talbot (Theodore Zouboulidis here credited as Theo Alexander), where they’re about to get to it and Eric comments that it’s been a long time since he’s done this, then corrects upon Talbot’s prompting that he doesn’t mean sex with a man, he means sex with a vampire. We don’t see Eric getting with men, but he mentions that he has, and it’s unlikely that it’s a complete lie. So that’s something.
- Pam (Kristin Bauer van Straten). She’s gotten a fair amount of fangbanger play over time too, usually on the desk in the office; she’s lady-leaning, definitely, though presumably not entirely (“Let bygones be bygones, bi girls be bi girls” and whatnot). She met Eric in the context of sex, and they were intimate, though they haven’t been in some time. Pam is completely sex-positive, really. And while she presumably is entering into a sexual relationship with her progeny Tara (Rutina Wesley), it wasn’t a given fact, it evolved over a bit of time. The attraction grew like attractions do into what I will say again is the most beautiful phrase in the English language, cellar door be damned: interracial lesbian vampire couple.
- Sophie-Anne (Evan Rachel Wood): vampire/fangbanger time all the way, and “I haven’t enjoyed sex with men since the Eisenhower administration.” And though she has favorites, she seems iffy on the concept of monogamy.
- Russell (Denis O’Hare), first with Talbot and then with Steve (Michael McMillan). Definitely gay, which is not made an issue; he forces Sophie-Anne into that marriage of convenience, but there’s no pretense about it. He seems to be more for vampire/vampire sex, yep.
- Franklin (James Frain) was a d-bag and a rapist and he’s despicable. But I suspect that would have been true of his personality whether or not he was a vampire.
- Nora. Reiteration, she has a fair amount of sex with Eric, and it’s vampire/vampire but not of the bad so that’s something. Also, please allow me to elaborate on why I fully believe that the Nora/Salome kiss came from a place with background: the way I read her, intimacy in one way translates to intimacy in another for Nora. She and Salome were crazy-close, so naturally they were going to have the sex, even if it was only implied (sigh). Also, Nora feeds on humans, but she doesn’t strike me as necessarily the fangbanger type too often. She’s more of a strictly vampire/vampire sex kind of girl.
- Salome. Based in a story of seductive manipulation, which she then debunked, but either it was a lie in the first place, or she eventually learned that art. Because wow, wow, all the sexual manipulation from this woman: she was in a relationship with Roman (Christopher Meloni) and presumably had been for a while, they shared a bedroom, she shed a tear (of debatable legitimacy) when he was killed, but do I think for a second that that wasn’t a strategic choice of hers? Nooope. Bill was a strategic choice, too, and I still can’t decide how much it turned real. She was taught to define herself by who she liaises with, at least publicly, but do I think she saw herself as anyone’s strictly speaking? Nope. And here’s another reason why Salome/Nora: she looked at Nora like she didn’t look at any of the others, at least if you’re watching with lady-tinted glasses.
- Jessica (Deborah Ann Woll) is never seen having sex with another vampire, actually. She’s with Hoyt (Jim Parrack), then with Jason (Ryan Kwanten); she feeds on fangbangers of both sexes, but she’s still fairly heterosexual. She’s actually, I would say, the most heterosexual of all of the vampires on this show. Even Bill gets innuendo thrown at him and participates in sexy dreams of Sam’s (Sam Trammell).
- Okay so I wrote a lot about these guys and sexuality but that’s because they live in a canon where they’re allowed to have more sexuality to write about.
- Presumably, Rosalie (Nikki Reed) and Emmett (Kellan Lutz) have a healthy sex life, Alice (Ashley Greene) and Jasper (Jackson Rathbone) have a healthy sex life, Esme (Elizabeth Reaser) and Carlisle (Peter Facinelli) have a healthy sex life. Token “breaking a house” jokes go here.
- But do we know anything about these healthy sex lives other than those jokes? No, because this is the kind of story where only major characters’ intimacies are really delved into, so we only hear about Bella (Kristen Stewart) and Edward (Robert Pattinson) doing it.
- I’m still shuddertwitching about the birth scene, though. I haven’t seen Breaking Dawn yet, but I remember reading it and being horrified. For one thing, half-vampire half-human baby? How again? At least there’s magic involved in the vampire/vampire conception on Angel that I’m still not up to yet. For another thing, this is the actual grossest, and I have the strongest stomach of most everyone I know as long as there aren’t closeups on needles in spines or eyeballs. But it’s gross psychologically, too, which I’m sure has been said many a time already on the internet.
–your fangirl heroine.