I don’t really know that I have a lot to say about the Emmys this year, honestly. I watch a lot of television, you guys know that. A lot of the television shows I watch were nominated for things, even. (As often, the TV Series – Drama category was an even 50/50 split of shows that I watch and shows that I don’t, and being me, the ones that I watch are ones I am also ridiculously invested in; this is not to say that I begrudge the winner, Homeland, its win, but I do not watch it, and therefore cannot speak to its win. Mad Men, you win a lot; Boardwalk Empire, Game of Thrones, sigh. Someday, maybe.)
Literally the only winners that I am actually, consciously aware of, meaning I watch(ed) the programs they appeared on, are Jessica Lange in American Horror Story for Supporting Actress in a Miniseries or Movie (it fascinates me how every awards show classes American Horror Story differently), Jimmy Fallon hosting Saturday Night Live for Guest Actor in a Comedy Series (and the “I want my war horse” sketch is one that my people are still quoting, so props, I suppose), Jeremy Davies on Justified for Guest Actor in a Drama Series (and he was a fantastic sketch country lowlife, so while I would have been okay with many more Justified nominations and wins, okay, sure), Tim Van Patten for Directing for a Drama Series with Boardwalk Empire, and a few of the technical awards. I suppose the guy who directed the Tonys too, and I can’t complain. It sort of stunk this year, but mostly because the overall crop of shows wasn’t that great.
Mostly, I came away from the Emmys this year with two thoughts: I should probably watch Homeland some time (and dear lord, Morena Baccarin, you are unfair; Claire Danes, you are also reasonably unfair) and is Modern Family really so funny? I find it hard to believe that, for example, there weren’t any supporting comedy actors worth nominating besides the cast of Modern Family and one other guy.
This is a sequel to a foreverago post. Remember I said I’d list out literally everyone who had appeared on Law & Order and CSI type shows who was in the Deadwood mafia? It’s on.
Law and Order:
Brad Dourif, Anna Gunn, Garret Dillahunt, Cynthia Ettinger, Sarah Paulson, Zach Grenier, Danielle McKee, Keith Carradine, Nicholas Surovy, Gareth Williams,
Law and Order: Special Victims Unit:
Brad Dourif, Pasha D. Lychnikoff, Garret Dillahunt, Michael Harney, Sarah Paulson, Zach Grenier, Danielle McKee, Izabella Miko, Fiona Dourif, Gordon Clapp, Gale Harold,
Law and Order: LA:
Robin Weigert, Jim Beaver, Titus Welliver, Gareth Williams,
CSI: Crime Scene Investigation:
W. Earl Brown, Paula Malcomson, Dayton Callie, Robin Weigert, Sean Bridgers, Jim Beaver, Titus Welliver, Peter Jason, Garret Dillahunt, Brent Sexton, Gerald McRaney, Pruitt Taylor Vince, Zach Grenier, Cleo King, Stephen Tobolowsky, Julie Ariola, Gill Gayle, Dennis Christopher, Tim DeZarn, Candice Cook, Timothy Omundson, Marshall Bell, Clay Wilcox, George Adams, William Russ, Channon Roe, Zack Ward, Jim Cody Williams, Paul Blackthorne, Seth Peterson, Gordon Clapp, Austin Nichols, Jane Leigh Connelly.
CSI: NY:
Garret Dillahunt, Gill Gayle, Kevin P. Kearns, Clay Wilcox, William Russ, Maury Sterling, Seth Peterson, Gale Harold, Cullen Douglas.
CSI: Miami:
Stephen Tobolowsky, Philip Moon, Timothy Omundson, Clay Wilcox, Gareth Williams, Channon Roe, Paul Blackthorne, Omar Gooding, Austin Nichols.
I will also mention titles, or appearances, that have appeared since last I did this (or that I just didn’t register until now).
Justified:
Jim Beaver, Stephen Tobolowsky, Jennifer Lutheran, Gill Gayle, Tim DeZarn, Clay Wilcox, Jackson Bridgers, Channon Roe,
Outlaw Country: (I don’t even know what this is, but hey)
John Hawkes, Paula Malcomson
…and then probably hug if they were comfortable with it, because I think that for various reasons, they all sort of need hugs. If they’re willing. Nobody should have hugs forced on them, but all of these women bring out my urge to hug someone in their ways.
10. Jess Day (Zooey Deschanel, New Girl) Or in this case I just shamelessly want to befriend her because I think she is adorable and lovely. Sure, she actually has a decent support system (which is rare on this list). But I would just want to have a dinner party with her because she’s fun and give her a hug because I bet she gives good hugs. I just get that good hugger vibe from her.
9. Beth Greene (Emily Kinney, The Walking Dead) (I figure Maggie [Lauren Cohan] already has Glenn [Steven Yeun] to hug, so.) I spent a lot of the season feeling sad for Beth, sad because her life is just so sheltered and effed up and a lot of the people she loves have died and she doesn’t know what to do about it. It wouldn’t be a pity hug, though. I mean, none of these are, but I would have to make sure with Beth. It wouldn’t be a pity hug, it wouldn’t even a “hey, things are going to get better, I promise” hug because I couldn’t promise that. But it would be something she may need. Comfort in times of zombie apocalypse hug.
8. Margaret Schroeder Thompson (Kelly Macdonald, Boardwalk Empire)
Well, I think she could do with a party where nobody was trying to kill anybody else or dealing with any such underworld tension. And I just want to tell her that she is pretty neat and underappreciated and good company, probably. She is a strong lady, and that is awesome, but I just want to let her relax for a bit.
7. Tara Knowles (Maggie Siff, Sons of Anarchy) This would be the “oh, darling, I know it all seems messed up, and it may well continue to be that, but hold on” hug. Since poor craycray Tara doesn’t really have someone to talk to, she’s got the club members and Jax (Charlie Hunnam) but I doubt that really helps. I wouldn’t make her talk it out, because that’s not good, but I want to just let her sit down, not have to deal with her life for a while, talk about things that make her happy, and know that someone is listening.
6. Winona Hawkins (Natalie Zea, Justified) And speaking of stressful lives. All of these women have those, it’s a common theme. I imagine she could probably stand to have someone to hang out with that isn’t her sister, and I imagine she would make good dinner party conversation, interesting but not too morbid but definitely not dull but polite but not too polite.
5. Pam De Beaufort (Kristin Bauer van Straten)
Again, yeah.
4. Sansa Stark (Sophie Turner, Game of Thrones) I know that a lot of my people IRL are frustrated by Sansa, and I sort of understand why at first. But then I remember: she is barely even a teenager. She does not make good decisions at the start (lying about that whole business with Arya [Maisie Williams] and Joffrey [Jack Gleeson], being temporarily all yay Joffrey period) but seriously, she is barely even a teenager. She does not by any means deserve the disaster that her life has become, and really, I just want to give her a hug and tell her it’s going to get better (it has to, at least a little) and remind her that she is strong and she can do it. Something like that.
3. Daenerys Targaryen (Emilia Clarke, Game of Thrones) Actually, I want to give most of the Game of Thrones women a hug for various reasons. But Dany is another where I just want to let her relax and enjoy the company of people who have no demands of her and who she doesn’t have to posture for. I think I’ve mentioned my Dany-could-use-more-good-friends-always theory before, and it still stands.
2. Peggy Olsen (Elisabeth Moss, Mad Men) Sure, she is happy in her relationship right now, and that’s awesome for her, but there are these moments where I just see her seem so sad, because really, these people at work do not understand her. She isn’t just doing it to kill time before real life and careers happen, she’s doing it because she loves it and it makes her sad that nobody else loves it either. I want to invite her to a dinner party and then suggest that she spend howeverlong she wants talking about why she loves her job, because I want to listen to that and I think she would benefit from having a recreationally appreciative audience.
1. Joan Holloway Harris (Christina Hendricks, Mad Men) Surpriiise surprise. I have always wished that my Joanie had someone, anyone that she could talk to about serious things, that she didn’t feel like she had to get all brush-off-my-problemsy with. I have been loving the increase in Joan and Peggy friendtimes this season, I really have, but I still worry that Joan is just lonely and won’t articulate it and poor baby let me love you. Essentially.
Would all of these women be at the same dinner party? Well, I… don’t know. That could potentially be disastrous, but could potentially be useful. Like some weird television women supper club or some other weird cliche like that. Smaller gatherings might be better (Beth and Sansa perhaps, Margaret and Winona and Joan, etcetera). But provided they were willing and, you know, real, I would very much want to lend them the listening ear and chance to chill out that they probably need.
5. Kip “Half-Sack” Epps (Johnny Lewis, Sons of Anarchy) I don’t know why I found this guy so damn endearing. And I always feel weird talking about him because seriously, his nickname was a reference to his testicles. That’s awkward. Probably I liked him because of his tendency to be a total goofball one minute and a total badass the next. Even the characters on the show didn’t give him enough credit. But he was a pro, and he was loyal as hell, and he was useful, and he was funny. All of these are valuable things.
4. Charlie Utter (Dayton Callie, Deadwood) Charlie is just such a champion among men. He isn’t perfect, but he has good intentions. He may be a little rash, a little violent, but he stands up for his own. He makes friends, not perfectly but often, and once he counts someone as his own, he’ll do even stupid things to look out for them or to stand up for their interests. He’s also loyal, also a badass, but he’s not showy about it either. He just goes about his business and occasionally engages in really endearing platonic friendships and that’s that.
3. Sol Star (John Hawkes, Deadwood) I think I may have touched on my recently-rekindled love for Sol lately. I definitely mentioned my shipper heart for him and Trixie. But I thought about it and seriously, he is one of mine. He is awkward. He is snarky. He is just a good guy who sometimes is roped into not-good situations. He is smart as hell. He rolls with the punches. If the show was present-day, he would completely be that guy with the techie know-how and the overlarge academic vocabulary. And he’s funny. Also, again with the loyalty. That is an overlying theme here.
2. Daniel “Oz” Osbourne (Seth Green, Buffy the Vampire Slayer) Yeah, all of the guys on this list have things in common other than being understated. Loyalty, humor. Oz is just as chill as can be, and he’s got a good heart. He is a taciturn man, but he is delightfully so. He cares about people, even if he’s reserved about showing it. He’s, again, funny. He’s really funny. He’s got such a dry sense of humor, but it’s perfection. He prioritizes self-actualization, which is neat, because some people don’t and are content to just float around being whoever they wind up being. He likes knowing who he is and being as comfortable with it as he can be. And that’s a good thing, generally. Even if it leads to the sad also.
1. Tim Gutterson (Jacob Pitts, Justified) Yes, yes. Funny sarcastic guy again. But seriously. He has the driest sense of humor and he is such a badass. He’s all “la la, snark snark, oh wait, PERFECT SNIPER SHOT.” He is, as I have said before, such a freaking smartass also, and he can get his business done. He’ll get it done, then help out where needed, and he’ll still have time to snark all over everyone’s everything. He’s not always integral to every plot, but he’s integral to the workings of the Marshals’ Agency. They need a guy like Tim around to get things done and then knock them all off their high horses with his quips of amazingness.
1. Barton Hollow (The Civil Wars) Ain’t going back to Barton Hollow, devil gonna follow me e’er I go. Won’t do me no good washing in the river, can’t no preacher man save my soul. Did that full moon force my hand? Or that unmarked hundred grand? Ooh, underneath the water, please forgive me, Father.
2. The Plains/Bitter Dancer (Fleet Foxes) You took a room and you settled in, washed off the chalk from your weathered skin. Daylight sleeper, bloody reaper, you took a room and you settled in. I should have known one day you would come, all of us walk so blind in the sun. Midnight feeder, beggar pleader, I should have known one day you would come. Tell me again my only son, tell me again what you have done.
3. Things That Scare Me (Neko Case) The hammer clicks in place. The world’s gonna pay right down in the face of God and his saints. Claim your soul’s not for sale. I’m a dying breed who still believes, haunted by American dreams.
4. Out of the Cold (Amos Lee) Yes, I dug you in a bulletproof vest ’cause you can’t walk straight with a bullet in your chest. Another man down with a flag to fold, it takes a lot of lovin’ comin’ out of the cold.
5. Little Lovin’ (Lissie) Tenne saw what you see, Arkan I can’t I be calm. Hollywood’s old darlin’, gonna move to N’awlins, singin’ psalms. I gotta lotta lovin’, I gotta lotta lovin’, I gotta lotta love in my heart. I’m gonna get to heaven, I’m gonna count to seven, I’m gonna get to heaven all right.
6. Carpetbaggers (Jenny Lewis) “I’m a carpetbagger, baby. I’m comin’ to your town. I’m gonna treat you kind, I’m gonna rob you blind, I’ll smile all the time, whoa yeah.” Whoa yeah, whoa yeah, whoa yeah. They come to town when the party’s over, books been written and truths been tried. They’ll take it all if the door’s left open, steal the nose right from under your eyes.
7. I’m Willing (Ben Lee) I took a lock of golden hair. I took a look, it was gone. If living is giving, I’m ready, I’m willing. I took her heart ’cause she let me. I took a walk in the dark. I took some time to decise if it was right.
8. Wide River to Cross (Carrie Rodriguez f. Buddy Miller) I’ve come a long, long road; still I’ve got some miles to go, I’ve got a wide, wide river to cross.I have stumbled, I have strayed, you can trace the tracks I’ve made all across the memories my heart recalls.
9. Don’t Carry It All (The Decemberists) Here we come to a turning of the season, witness to the arc towards the sun. A neighbor’s blessed burden within reason becomes a burden borne of all and one. And nobody, nobody knows. Let the yoke fall from our shoulders, don’t carry it all, don’t carry it all. We are all our hands and holders, beneath this bold and brilliant sun, and this I swear to all.
10. Horse and Cart (Angus & Julia Stone) Suspicious corpse without a face, the screen light’s a hidden dim. This black hawk can’t find its place, through the night we swim.
11. Top Yourself (The Raconteurs) Yeah, how you gonna top yourself when your man stops ringing your bell? You’re right between heaven and hell and you’re gonna need the good lord to help you. How I’m gonna make you see that this ain’t no way to be free? See you been getting it all for free, guess you better get a sugar daddy to help you.
12. The Junkie Song (The Be Good Tanyas) And don’t we all hover between apathy and compassion, fill up all our days with so much distraction? It makes it easier not to see what we don’t want to. But we all live here, we all live here, we all live here.
13. The Fall (The Avett Brothers) Don’t die on me, lady, only good things can come to those who practice reason and recognize good fun. Your absence is the bullet and the past is your gunand we all fall down, and we all fall down.
14. Hands in Pockets (Laura Gibson) Tell me you always go before me out along the solemn grate. Tell me the season is almost over, I can wait. When in daylight leaves you staring out in another undertow, I’ll be tired conversation, I’ll be waiting, get home.
10. Kate Gregson (Brie Larson, United States of Tara) and Natalie Goodman (let’s just go with Jennifer Damiano, Next to Normal) I sort of imagine these two meeting through a “hey! My mom has psychiatric problems!” help circle. Which they would both go to and make fun of, but they’d realize that they were both making fun of it, so a friendship would develop from the weirdness of that situation. “I don’t know why I thought this was a good idea.” “Me either.” They could swap stories; Kate would big-sister it, of course, as that is apparently always her role in these things, and Natalie would appreciate the respite from the insanity of overachieving like she does. Despite meeting through said help circle, they would carefully avoid the topic in casual conversation, but if one of them was having a crap time of it because of that, they’d be able to rely on the other for understanding without too much confusing pity.
9. Eric Northman (Alexander Skarsgard, True Blood) and Spike (James Marsters, Buffy the Vampire Slayer)
As will be the case with a lot of these, this one is not so much a friendship that should be as a meeting of minds that would either be beneficial or disastrous but probably entertaining. Obviously, these two have a lot in common. Bleached hair, kind of smirky; there would be power games and weirdness and wry jokes. But they would be very acceptable frenemies, as the term goes.
8. Dawn Summers (Michelle Trachtenberg, Buffy the Vampire Slayer) and Sansa Stark (Sophie Turner, Game of Thrones)
Also either good or disastrous. I’m pairing these two off because they are, as characters, polarizing as hell; they’re of similar age and similar propensity to annoy some people. (And it’s here I clarify that I’m only discussing show!Sansa, or show!anyone, because while I’ve read the first book, I’ve not read past it yet, shameful as that is. Also, for purposes of this discussion, let’s assume it’s season 5/6 Dawn we’re thinking about.) They would either find much-needed age-appropriate friends in each other or they’d metaphorically tear each others’ throats out with frustration. Both of them do need friends who actually understand the place they’re at in life, though; someone outside of their immediate/make-believe family who follows their thoughts without being patronizing or something.
7. Tara Maclay (Amber Benson, Buffy the Vampire Slayer) and Daenerys Targaryen (Emilia Clarke, Game of Thrones) Similarly, Dany needs someone like Tara in her life. For all of the reasons that it’s good to have Tara in your life. Dany is a kickass woman, but she doesn’t really have uncomplicated friendships, or any friendships at all that aren’t with her maids or Jorah Mormont, and I bet it would be welcome. And Tara just makes friends with people and learns from them. They’d give each other strength and stuff.
6. Arya Stark (Maisie Williams, Game of Thrones) and Mindy Macready (Chloe Moretz, Kick-Ass) Yep, it’s Lots Of The Game of Thrones Women Get Friends time. Theirs would be a friendship of general epic; in some vortex of time-space, Arya could teach Mindy how to swordfight and Mindy could teach Arya how to use guns. They would go around being baby badasses; Arya would take a little while to adjust to Mindy’s bluntness and crassness and whatnot, but she doesn’t care about proper really, it would be more startling than shocking, more “oh, well, all right then” than “oh, the horrors!” In that vortex of time-space, it would make good sense.
5.Susan Ward (the Heartsick series, which has never been filmed) and Lisbeth Salander (the Millennium trilogy;I’ll go ahead and put Rooney Mara’s face on it because I like Rooney Mara’s face) I think I’ve mentioned this before. And it could also go terribly in certain circumstances, in large part because of Lisbeth’s tendency not to trust people too easily. But they could possibly find common ground, being both punkish types who have participated in the unraveling of crimes. Lisbeth would find Susan a little too perky at times, even though Susan isn’t that perky; Susan would find Lisbeth occasionally unnerving. But it could work. They would be the friends that don’t hang out all the time or anything, but when they saw each other they would get on well, in a way that didn’t necessarily involve a lot of words (well, Lisbeth wouldn’t have a lot of words; Susan would occasionally talk a little too much, but she does that sometimes) but worked for them.
4. Trixie (Paula Malcomson, Deadwood) and Ava Crowder (Joelle Carter, Justified)
Because really. Both of them are badasses in their way; they sometimes make debatable choices and have debatable allies, but they are devoted to their people. And they will do what they must for their people. Including shoot other people who threaten them. They wouldn’t necessarily be best friends, neither of them are the type to have those, but they’d definitely respect the hell out of each other.
3. Joan Holloway Harris (Christina Hendricks, Mad Men) and Raylan Givens (Timothy Olyphant, Justified) This was literally the first thing I ever reblogged on tumblr. And I support it so much. In a very Joan+Don way. I support any of Raylan’s friendships with people who are polite, capable, but are not afraid to call him on his bull from time to time. And goodness knows Joan is willing to call anyone on anything. I also support any of Joan’s friendships with people that would ultimately respect her, which Raylan would. Because even though sometimes he’s ridiculous and a pain in the ass for his coworkers, he does respect people at the end of the day.
2. Tim Gutterson (Jacob Pitts, Justified) and Topher Brink (Fran Kranz, Dollhouse) I don’t think I’ve had occasion to talk about how damn much I love Tim a lot before, but I love Tim. He is such a smartass, and that is just awesome. Capable smartasses are delightful characters to have around. And goodness knows, Topher is my favorite capable smartass. Topher is sillier than Tim, but I imagine their friendship working for that exact reason. Tim is a little more serious, Topher is a little more goofy, but they’re both capable as can be and sarcastic as hell. And the banter would be great.
1. Adelle DeWitt (Olivia Williams, Dollhouse) and Joan again Also a capable party. Adelle knows how sometimes-frustrating it is to be responsible for so many people, not all of whom can take care of themselves; Joan knows how often-frustrating it is to be responsible for so many people, not all of whom do take care of themselves. Adelle can run everything and Joan basically does, even if she doesn’t get the credit she’s due. And goodness knows they both have practice drinking in the workplace (not that Joan does as much as others, but she can manage in that situation). I’m just imagining these two getting together after work and finally having someone to properly vent to about everything (subtly and tactfully, but still, they’re both queens of sarcasm in their own ways). Goodness knows it would do them both good.
Pretty simple. But as of tonight, how many relationships are currently actually functional on television?
6. The Walking Dead The only “relationships” right now are really Rick (Andrew Lincoln) and Lori (Sarah Wayne Callies) and then Glenn (Steven Yeun) and Maggie (Lauren Cohan). Neither of which is functional entirely. Rick and Lori are together right now, but Lori did kind of think that Rick was dead and sleep with his best friend a bunch. Glenn and Maggie were initiated by apocalypse doom. Sure, she may love him, and he might love her too even if he didn’t say it. But it’s not really functional yet. There aren’t actually a lot of relationships on this show, but the ones that are… yeah.
5. Game of Thrones Nope. Weirdly enough, Dany (Emilia Clarke) and Drogo (Jason Momoa) were actually fairly functional. Sure, she was given to him by her creepy brother to finance his power games, but they figured out a thing and were sort of working it? And then he died. Catelyn (Michelle Fairley) and Ned (Sean Bean) were functional, but then he died. Cersei (Lena Headey) and Robert (Mark Addy) weren’t functional, and he died anyway. Sansa (Sophie Turner) and Joffrey (Jack Gleeson) were never functional either, because they are children and also he’s a d-bag. And Cersei and Jaime (Nicolaj Coster-Waldau) weren’t functional, because they’re brother and sister. No chance of happy relationships here, nope.
4. Boardwalk Empire I don’t care that Margaret (Kelly Macdonald) and Nucky (Steve Buscemi) got married. They’re not functional. He’s a gangster, she slept with Owen (Charlie Cox) that time, it’s doomed. Jimmy (Michael Pitt) and Angela (Aleksa Palladino) weren’t functional, because they didn’t really love each other much anymore and he was a gangster and she was a lesbian and also he boned his mom. And then they both got shot. Lucy (Paz de la Huerta) ran out on her baby arrangement with Van Alden (Michael Shannon), who split up with his wife Rose (Enid Graham). Etcetera.
3. Sons of Anarchy Basically, on this show you’re either a criminal (Clay [Ron Perlman], Jax [Charlie Hunnam]) or you’re craycray (Gemma [Katey Sagal], Tara [Maggie Siff]). Might be good for a little while, but it’s tinged with doom all over. I don’t doubt that Jax and Tara can be forever-for-a-while loves, but they’ll never be functional.
2. True Blood And on this show, you’re either a vampire, sleeping with a vampire, or damaged by some elaborate scheme involving vampires. Eric (Alexander Northman) and Sookie (Anna Paquin) were having great sex, but then she decided that was a bad idea, after previously deciding that Bill (Stephen Moyer) was also a bad idea. No relationship that girl is in can be functional, I’m pretty sure. Jason (Ryan Kwanten) slept with Jessica (Deborah Ann Woll) after Jess broke up with his best friend Hoyt (Jim Parrack), and also the whole Crystal (Lindsay Pulsipher) mess, and every mess before that. Lafayette (Nelsan Ellis) and Jesus (Kevin Alejandro) were fairly functional, actually, but then Jesus was murdered. Tara (Rutina Wesley) had a string of bad relationships, but she actually seemed sort of stable with her girlfriend Naomi (Vedette Lim) until they had that whole “oops, I lied about my identity”/”run for your own good” thing and Tara got shot. Etcetera. No chances here, either.
1. Justified And until tonight’s episode, I’d have said “sometimes, you do re-find love with your pregnant ex-wife!” As weird as the Raylan (Timothy Olyphant) and Winona (Natalie Zea) history was, they seemed to be working it out, but, uhm. Possibly just kidding. Boyd (Walton Goggins) and Ava (Joelle Carter) have a weird kind of criminal hillbilly love, but by virtue of the fact that they’re criminals… nope, not stable either.
I just watch the most functional-romance incompatible television shows.
5. Zoe Alleyne Washburne (Gina Torres, Firefly) Okay, so it’s a cast with four women, plus sometimes I count Christina Hendricks anyway, but Zoe is almost criminally underrepresented sometimes in the pantheon of love, I feel like. I know I’m very possibly guilty of contributing to this, between the completely absurd love I have for Summer Glau and everyone she plays, the amount of “oh dear God Kaylee you are the cutest person ever/I relate so hard to you sometimes” I partake in, and the ridiculous ladycrush I have on Morena-especially-as-Inara. But. Zoe is brilliant. She’s a badass, she’s a warrior goddess, she’s beautiful, she’s strong, she’s amazing. She’s just not the kind of person who likes to be fawned over, so I respect that.
4. Martha Bullock (Anna Gunn, Deadwood) It’s easy to try and write Martha off at first, especially after the Alma/Seth sexytimes. He doesn’t love her, it was a marriage of convenience. But in his way, I think he does love her, and he’s right to: she’s a strong, intelligent woman, and worthy of anyone’s love. She can take the bad things on top of bad things that life hands her and not let it get her down. She is a downright role model, but since she’s not doing it in a flashy way, sometimes people don’t notice.
3. Ivy (Liza Lapira, Dollhouse) Can you really say you’re surprised? I just love Ivy the more I think about her, and I’m sure that if the world didn’t end, she’d go on to do brilliant things and have a super-fulfilling life. She’s deserving of it. She too is brilliant, but she’s not the best at showing off yet. She’s a snappy dresser, interesting but not in the painful trying-too-hard hipster way. She’s adorable. She’s loyal. She’s patient. She is the best at her job that anyone could be.
2. Rachel Brooks (Erica Tazel, Justified) Rachel Brooks is a badass lady, too. She’s just fierce as can be. She is a pro in the field, a pro at the desk, a pro every which way, and whenever a scene allows her to show off how absolutely capable she is, I just grin like an idiot. “Capable” is one of the best compliments I can give, and she earns it over and over again.
1. Peggy Olson (Elisabeth Moss, Mad Men) Peggy’s had her moments, and there are more as time goes on, thankfully. But hers is a quiet awesome. An awesome that you don’t necessarily think about, because she’s not in your face about it (none of these women are) but one that steps out. Through her work, through her sense of humor, through the way she relates to others. She’s really the only one in that office that tries to treat Don like a friend sometimes, and even with the hell that Joan has given her, she looks out for Joan in her way, too; she cares about everyone there, even the ones that treat her shabbily. She’s sensitive, but not too sensitive. She’s smart, really smart, but not a show-off. She’s cute, but it’s not the main focus of her existence. (She wears ladysweatervests.) She’s funny, but not over-the-top funny. She can snap at the guys when they deserve it and sure, they may not always listen because they’re assholes, but that she tries is pretty rad. She’s brilliant and lovely and I want more of her always.
5. Justified season 3
Beginning January 17, we have the third season of Justified. Thank goodness. The teaser trailers have been remarkably unhelpful as far as actual plot, but wonderfully evocative even still. Neal McDonough (Band of Brothers, Captain America), Mykelti Williamson (Forrest Gump, Lucky Number Slevin), and Carla Gugino (a large quantity of awesomeness, including many of my pet things: Sin City, Sucker Punch, Watchmen, that ridiculous one where she did porn) are all joining the cast. I’m guessing the big bads will be to do with drugs and other such pesky problems; Harlan seems to have a lot of those problems. Ava (Joelle Carter) was last seen in the company of the criminals; Winona (Natalie Zea) and Raylan (Timothy Olyphant) were last seen together; Boyd (Walton Goggins) is palling around (or something) in the ads with Raylan, so who knows what that‘s about. It will be beautiful.
4. Sons of Anarchy season 5 Kurt Sutter says it better than I can, and this is all I know. (Oh, my craycray Tara [Maggie Siff]. Oh, that whole mess.)
3. Game of Thrones season 2 Beginning in April. If anyone wants the synopsis of the second book, upon which the second season would presumably be based on, here’s the Wikipedia page, although I’m not but skimming it (I do want to read the book once I’m done with the first, soon hopefully, and I want the show just to happen for me, but if anyone’s curious). Here’s a teaser trailer. I did see that we can brace ourselves for BABY DRAGONS (yes, I have to capslock it every time). So hurrah.
2. True Blood season 5 Beginning in June. Here’s some speculation. I honestly don’t even remember this book that clearly, as a lot of them blended for me after the fourth one, but that’s a good bunch of theorizing. I don’t really care, I’m just excited.
1. Mad Men season 5 Beginning March 16. Oh god let it be here now. I want to see if the Don (Jon Hamm) and Megan (Jessica Paré) thing is going to last or become a huge disaster. I want to see if Greg (Sam Page) dies in Vietnam, because I’ve decided that, even barring the Joan (Christina Hendricks) and Roger (John Slattery) romantic drama, I want that to be another source of Joan and Don buddy times. Because I think that Joan and Don have so much friendship potential, I friendship it so hard, and Don knows all about the horrors of war and he could talk her through it, because even if Greg is an ass, losing your husband always sucks, and she’ll be all distraught but she won’t be able to say anything because that’s not her way, but Don could just… know, because war sucks, and he could do that sweet thing where he’s talking to her like a human being and they just relate to each other and it’s nice and simple. I just saw that there will be sixteen months between season four and season five, which means that Joanie’s baby will already be born. I don’t even know what will be happening. I just want it now. This has been far too long of a wait.
Finales, all season, that were noteworthy. Characters that elicited reactions from me. Things that were awesome. Things that made me make a good old fashioned :O face (one for a bad reason, one for a good reason).
Finales 3. Justified The magic of the entire second season is how convoluted the relationships between the characters were while still maintaining a straightforward plot. At the center of it is, of course, Timothy Olyphant’s Raylan, but he’s tangled up in the whole mess of Mags’ (Margo Martindale) family, the mess of the mining, the mess of Boyd (Walton Goggins) existing, the mess of Ava (Joelle Carter) getting tangled up with Boyd (it suits her more than being a lawman’s girl did), the mess of Winona (Natalie Zea) getting back with him and being pregnant and begging him to quit his job, the mess of Loretta (Kaitlyn Dever) in relation to the Bennett clan, all of it. The finale episode managed to wrap it all up so nicely, but not neatly, not perfectly happy-ending, just… wrapped enough up to be satisfying, but still to leave room for more. (Season three, January 17.)
2. Sons of Anarchy I’d been expecting more death, but it surprisingly didn’t upset me that there wasn’t. The thing about Sons is that it keeps you on such a highwire that you feel like at any moment something bad could happen. Even if nothing bad does, it’s still tense enough to be interesting. I’ll discuss the brilliance of Ray McKinnon in a moment, but even if rewriting the lyrics to “The House of the Rising Sun” to say “Charming town” instead of “New Orleans” was a little cheesy, the big images of the last montage are powerful. The picture of JT and Gemma (Katey Sagal) back in the day, and then Gemma watching as Jax (Charlie Hunnam) hits the gavel and takes the club over as still-wounded and seriously craycray Tara (Maggie Siff) goes up behind him and mimics that picture perfectly. This was a good year for Oedipal things to go on, to whatever extent, ’cause Gemma seriously does care too much about her son sometimes, but most importantly, craycray Tara. I’ve always liked Tara, I have, but even though she is probably going off the deep end and is sinking deeper still into the life of crime, I think it’s kind of brilliant. Not for Tara-the-person, but for Tara-the-character. She kind of had crazy eyes the last few episodes of the season, perpetually, and it’s awesome.
Characters 3. Sheriff Graham (Jamie Dornan, Once Upon a Time) NOT because he was that important to me (though he did earn signs of my high praise: a nickname [Sheriff Vest] and a Buffy analogue [Angel, in the fairy tale scenes]). But because, well, damn, ABC, you killed off an actual semi-main character right-quick. You killed off a handsome male character at the hands of a manipulative lover woman. Gutsy for you. And you killed off a character that at least 1/5 of the threads I saw on the Once Upon a Time IMDB message board pertained to. So someone that people liked. Thank you.
2. Max Black (Kat Dennings, 2 Broke Girls) Surprise, surprise. I mean, I love Kat Dennings, I always love Kat Dennings, but I mostly give Max a pat on the back for getting to make really raunchy jokes on network TV and as a woman. Usually women don’t get to make that many raunchy jokes, especially on network, and I’m pretty sure she’s referenced masturbation at least three times, which women never get to do (I make a mental note every time they do, because it’s that rare). So, again, it’s a small thing, but she’s snarky as hell. 2 Broke Girls is really just a string of jokes for 22 minutes, but that Kat gets to make most of them and that most of the ones she makes are dirty… cool.
1. Lincoln Potter (Ray McKinnon, Sons of Anarchy) Ray McKinnon is always quality. He’s a member of the Deadwood mafia, and the good reverend was one of the most brilliant characters in that brilliant world, thanks in large part to him and his freaky awesome. Lincoln Potter came to Charming as a U.S. Attorney hell-bent on getting the RIRA (real Irish Republican Army), the ROC (Russian organized crime), and the Sons. But he’s just such a weirdo that everything he does, everything he says is brilliant. In the finale, he bursts in on a city council meeting holding sex toys, including a pedophilic sex doll, to prove that Hale (Jeff Kober) is funding his development with really dirty sex money. When asked why? “I don’t like you.” Just like that. It’s the most perfect moment ever.
Moments of hilarity 3. Wheels only responding to Chinese swear words (United States of Tara) It’s really unfortunate that Tara had to end, but though the entire season was great, the best moment of all was that which I’ve previously mentioned repeatedly: that Charmaine (Rosemarie Dewitt) and Neil’s (Patton Oswalt) baby only responds to “Wheels and Chinese swear words.” Patton Oswalt (who’s guested on Dollhouse and wrote the Serenity comic “Float Out”) is such s raging Browncoat. And it’s beautiful.
2. The simultaneously worst and best almost-sex of all time (on New Girl) As I’ve mentioned before, I don’t think that Jess (Zooey Deschanel) is too precocious or weird or “quirky.” She is weird, and she is awkward, but I… know people who would do any of the things that she’s done. I don’t know that anyone I know would actually go through with the weird sex she attempted with Paul (Justin Long), but that’s what comedy is, right? Exaggeration? It’s ridiculous. But it’s also a little amazing. I mean, an old-fashioned newscaster spanking Jimmy Stewart? That is all kinds of absurd brilliance, in a way that’s both cringeworthy and riotous.
1. Put a Bird On It (Portlandia)
Thank you, Fred Armisen and Carrie Brownstein.
Moments of shock 2. JIMMY SCREWED HIS MOM (Boardwalk Empire) We were a bit late in watching the last two episodes of Boardwalk this season, but maybe that’s good. Now even just mentions of what we were eating for dinner the night we watched it make us cringe and go “JIMMY SCREWED HIS MOM.” Luckily, we didn’t have to watch Jimmy (Michael Pitt) and Gillian (Gretchen Mol) actually go at it, but he was on top of her and it was weird and then he was waking up naked in her bed. No Jimmy no bad bad BAD. Like I said, it’s an Oedipal year, apparently.
1. BABY DRAGONS (Game of Thrones)
And this is all that needs to be said. I mean, it’s rad that Boardwalk and True Blood and Game of Thrones killed off main characters, but it’s HBO. That stuff happens on HBO. Not every day brings you BABY DRAGONS as Daenerys (Emilia Clarke) is all badass.
