Whedon Wednesday :: again, Whedon Adventures is just a working title.

Because across the plaza from HBO Disneyland would have to be something equally as awesome.  (I figure once they open up Grown Up Disney World, it will be more genre-sorted than type-sorted, and there will be things from more films, as well as television shows off of FX and AMC and Showtime and the like.  So like, vampire canons will be near each other, zombie canons will be near each other, superhero canons will be near each other, space canons will be near each other, etcetera.  But the two-park setup, well.)  I admit that Whedon Adventures is actually a lot less intuitive than HBO Disneyland; HBO Disneyland has much stricter analogues all around, rather.  I’m sure you could come up with a ton of epic attractions for Whedon Adventures, which I will speculate on in a moment, but they don’t correspond as strictly to the original park map.

Still, though.

• Putting Angel in the Hollywood Land was actually the easiest of the choices.  If you’re just going by “oh look, this canon is in Los Angeles,” it’s a tossup between Angel and Dollhouse, but Hollywood Land does have, IRL, the Hyperion Theater.  This is where you go to see Aladdin the stage musical IRL; I assume it’d go meta and repeatedly show Dr. Horrible and “Once More With Feeling,” possibly with live actors, but I figure it gives Angel dibsies on this area because of the Hyperion Hotel.  Close enough, theater/hotel.  Also, the Tower of Terror would barely need to be changed.  That is the stuff Angel canon is made of, basically.
• Dollhouse thusly gets tossed over in what is Condor Flats; basically, this area is a store, a cafeteria, some scenery, and Soarin’ Over California, but hey, that’s a ride where you sit in a flying chair and it takes you through a journey with pictures and sounds and smells.  Revamp that and up the creep factor, and it could be appropriately Dollhousey.
• Grizzly Peak is the most “country” of the areas (because Cars Land and its hillbilly thing is not the kind of country I mean), so it gets to house Firefly.  Because despite the fact that the only thing Firefly has to do with water is that, you know, River is a character’s name, it still seems the best suited to host a rapids ride of all the Whedon canons.  Oh, and I guess there’s that scene in “Our Mrs. Reynolds” where they’re in a wagon and Mal swears by his pretty floral bonnet that he’ll end a fellow.  They splash about in that scene pretty well, yeah?  Also there’s a nature trail, and just toss in a few space gangster gun fights and that’s golden.
• Okay, remember how I said the analogues made no sense at all, well that’s why Cabin is where A Bug’s Land lives.  A Bug’s Land has the annoying 3D movie, you could whip out some way scarier monster thing for that.  There are also a bunch of dinky rides, but while A Bug’s Land is kind of the little-kid friendly part of a kiddie amusement park, I think that the Cabin-hosting Woods could be the most extreme part of an already extreme grown-up amusement park: like the most messed up (but preferably not all super-jerky) of little rides could live there and freak people out and it would be delightfully messed up.
• Pacific Wharf is basically just restaurants and a walk-through, but whatever.  Cast members dressed as Dr. Horrible and Captain Hammer running around singing and a frozen yogurt place would probably be sufficient to make it Dr. Horribley.
• Paradise Pier has the most attractions, which is why Buffy, which is the most extensive canon, gets to live there.  Buffy probably gets the roller coaster, theme-wise; Faith could maybe have the smaller, jerkier, less-lauded coaster in the corner.  And it would be way more intense here than it is at the actual park, of course.  The 3D shooting ride, well, that goes without saying.  Use the little pulley-thing to shoot stakes at vampires.  Ariel’s Undersea Adventure could be, like, a ridethrough tour of a demonology book.  The other midway rides could get divvied out appropriately amongst other characters.  It would work.
• And finally, the newest part of the park, Cars Land, gets to be Avengers Land.  Complete with (and no I don’t know how you’d rig it up) an “aw snap, jumpin’ on Chitauri skycycle things to fight some evil” ride, as well as some decidedly less lame smaller rides (preferably every Avenger would get one and also there one generally for S.H.I.E.L.D personnel, and I realize that means more small rides than IRL, but hey go with it) and a predictable little shawarma joint.

–your fangirl heroine.

Whedon Wednesday :: Top 6 Whedon men I…

…would be, were they women/am pretty attracted to/want to be friends with/relate to/will love forever.  A slightly more long-winded title than the long-ago lady post of the same nature, but it’s basically the same list.  Considering I’m also into… yeah, basically all of the ladies on that list.  (Though this list does encompass my biggest Whedon mencharactercrushes, and my most spectacularly giant Whedon ladycharactercrush is not someone I could ever be because I am not that elegant.  But still.  They’re all legitimate real crushes.)  And this one does have the first added caveat of “would be, were they women,” but that’s mostly because I sort of want to someday cosplay genderswapped some of them (she said obviously, nodding at previous Friday posts).  Yeah.

6. Daniel ‘Oz’ Osbourne (Seth Green, Buffy the Vampire Slayer)
Mostly because I am fond of endearing sarcasm.  From the as-a-character standpoint, yes, I love(d) Tara and believe completely that she was Willow’s most someone-iest someone, but damn it, Oz was just awesome, and he was a wonderful guy to have around in everyone’s lives for a while, too.  Also, sarcasm.  Which would be the biggest why-I-relate reason.

5. Anthony Ceccoli/Victor (Enver Gjokaj, Dollhouse)
I find talent attractive, what can I say.  But I honestly didn’t really start thinking about relating to Tony until that Dollhouse main characters MBTI chart on tumblr; considering he is one falling into the I__J categories that I always wind up with, I had a moment of “oh, well, that’s similar, I wonder why” and that was followed by research “oh, I understand.”  Tony, on that chart, typed ISFJ, same as Mellie on my supporting characters chart; actually, for a lot of the same reasons, though it takes different forms.  I am not so much the physical fighting type, but at his core, Tony is a devoted friend/partner/teammate/someone, and I like being that when I can, too.

4. Hoban “Wash” Washburne (Alan Tudyk, Firefly)
Ye-ah.  Similar reasons as the above, as per the snark and the devotion.  I am much more comfortable being the one with an easy, good-natured quip than with violence or fighting, and I will own to getting worked up over people or things that matter to me, sometimes negatively.  This is likely because of a deep-seated tendency to get attached to people, even if somewhat privately.  Which I find attractive in others both romantically and platonically also.  Hence the attraction and also desire for friendship.

3. Rupert Giles (Anthony Stewart Head, Buffy the Vampire Slayer)
As per the embarrassingly large desire to grow up to be lady!Giles, which I have previously mentioned.  I make no claims to extreme intelligence, but I value knowledge and work to accumulate it as best I can.  And… also find that attractive/worthy of any type of interest in a person.  So.  The tendency for understatement is something I can do, usually in a sarcastic way, not always in a good sarcastic way; the “books/knowledge > human experience” thing is something I do sometimes, probably more than I ought.  (And shallowly, I acknowledge: tweed.  Elbow patches.)

2. Simon Tam (Sean Maher)
I’m sorry.  But it is this man’s fault that I have a vest thing, I acknowledge shallowly.  And my blue eyes thing isn’t his fault, but is certainly something he participates in.  Simon is on this list for many reasons: I am attracted to his capability.  I want to be friends with his devotion to human beings he likes.  I relate to his tendency for awkwardness.  I want to be friends with his capability.  I relate to his devotion to human beings he likes.  I am (conditionally) attracted to his tendency for awkwardness.  Etcetera.

1. Topher Brink (Fran Kranz, Dollhouse)
Oh, hello there, she said predictably and shallowly all at once.  It is also his awkwardness that I relate to sometimes; I am part anxious-awkward a la Simon (or Bennett, re: the ladylist) and part twitchygeeky-awkward a la Topher.  Topher is way cocky sometimes, which I am decidedly not, but it can be either funny or endearing (or the thing where even when it’s situationally inappropriate I still very possibly find it funny or endearing as per irrational attraction).  He doesn’t always know how to do social situations properly.  Which is sometimes endearing and sometimes relatable (and that sometimes in the “oh, I’m so glad that someone else, even fictional, does that too” way and sometimes in the “oh, honey, you’re not handling this super-well but I feel for you because I wouldn’t either” way).  And damn, I (pretty obviously) find intelligence attractive/something I want to focus my interests on.

–your fangirl heroine.

Television Tuesday :: 5 understatedly awesome television women

5. Zoe Alleyne Washburne (Gina Torres, Firefly)
Okay, so it’s a cast with four women, plus sometimes I count Christina Hendricks anyway, but Zoe is almost criminally underrepresented sometimes in the pantheon of love, I feel like.  I know I’m very possibly guilty of contributing to this, between the completely absurd love I have for Summer Glau and everyone she plays, the amount of “oh dear God Kaylee you are the cutest person ever/I relate so hard to you sometimes” I partake in, and the ridiculous ladycrush I have on Morena-especially-as-Inara.  But.  Zoe is brilliant.  She’s a badass, she’s a warrior goddess, she’s beautiful, she’s strong, she’s amazing.  She’s just not the kind of person who likes to be fawned over, so I respect that.

4. Martha Bullock (Anna Gunn, Deadwood)
It’s easy to try and write Martha off at first, especially after the Alma/Seth sexytimes.  He doesn’t love her, it was a marriage of convenience.  But in his way, I think he does love her, and he’s right to: she’s a strong, intelligent woman, and worthy of anyone’s love.  She can take the bad things on top of bad things that life hands her and not let it get her down.  She is a downright role model, but since she’s not doing it in a flashy way, sometimes people don’t notice.

3. Ivy (Liza Lapira, Dollhouse)
Can you really say you’re surprised?  I just love Ivy the more I think about her, and I’m sure that if the world didn’t end, she’d go on to do brilliant things and have a super-fulfilling life.  She’s deserving of it.  She too is brilliant, but she’s not the best at showing off yet.  She’s a snappy dresser, interesting but not in the painful trying-too-hard hipster way.  She’s adorable.  She’s loyal.  She’s patient.  She is the best at her job that anyone could be.

2. Rachel Brooks (Erica Tazel, Justified)
Rachel Brooks is a badass lady, too.  She’s just fierce as can be.  She is a pro in the field, a pro at the desk, a pro every which way, and whenever a scene allows her to show off how absolutely capable she is, I just grin like an idiot.  “Capable” is one of the best compliments I can give, and she earns it over and over again.

1. Peggy Olson (Elisabeth Moss, Mad Men)
Peggy’s had her moments, and there are more as time goes on, thankfully.  But hers is a quiet awesome.  An awesome that you don’t necessarily think about, because she’s not in your face about it (none of these women are) but one that steps out.  Through her work, through her sense of humor, through the way she relates to others.  She’s really the only one in that office that tries to treat Don like a friend sometimes, and even with the hell that Joan has given her, she looks out for Joan in her way, too; she cares about everyone there, even the ones that treat her shabbily.  She’s sensitive, but not too sensitive.  She’s smart, really smart, but not a show-off.  She’s cute, but it’s not the main focus of her existence.  (She wears ladysweatervests.)  She’s funny, but not over-the-top funny.  She can snap at the guys when they deserve it and sure, they may not always listen because they’re assholes, but that she tries is pretty rad.  She’s brilliant and lovely and I want more of her always.

–your fangirl heroine.

Television Tuesday :: 11 television ladies that I shamelessly nickname

Well, fictional characters get called by nicknames just the same as anyone else.  I’m just the weirdo who talks enough about fictional characters in conversation (or in blog, I suppose) that I actually feel it comfortable and somewhat right to use the nicknames sometimes.  To be entirely fair, I’m pretty sure that most of these are actually canon at least once.  So that’s got to count for something.  This is a silly list.  I know this.  But I’m sure I’m not the only one who does this.  And (as with many television lists) it’s, you know, approximately 63% Whedon.  (They’re easily nicknamable, okay?)  There are others, though.

11. Cordelia Chase (Charisma Carpenter, Buffy the Vampire Slayer/Angel)
The inimitable Cordy, of course.  I don’t have particularly strong Cordy feelings one way or the other, but I’m pretty sure I nickname her more than I actually call her by her real name.

10. Mag (Felicia Day, Dollhouse)
Gets called Mags at times, because I do that, and Maggie when I’m feeling cute.  (Actually, I’ve done the same thing with Repo! Mag, now that I think of it, but this is a television list, so, irrelevant.)

9. Trinity Ashby (Zoe Boyle, Sons of Anarchy)
Considering she’s called Trinny all the time in canon, I think it’s perfectly reasonable that I go that way, too.  And Trinny just sounds cute.  Which she was, when she wasn’t almost boning her brother.

8. Dawn Summers (Michelle Trachtenberg, Buffy the Vampire Slayer)
Naturally, Dawnie.  I was nicknaming her before I even felt affection towards her, because it just seems right.  Even when she was a brat, she was a little sister, and little sisters who are easily nicknamable should be nicknamed.

7. Adelle DeWitt (Olivia Williams, Dollhouse)
This didn’t really start until I got my most recent phone, which I named Adelle (there is a perfectly reasonable explanation for this).  I’m the kind of person who talks to her named electronics, and nicknames them in kind (my old phone, Shosanna, was Shosh more than not).  But once I was calling the phone Addie, well.  It caught on.  For those moments where it’s deserved, of course; sometimes she’s ice and polish and full names through and through.

6. Jessica Hamby (Deborah Ann Woll, True Blood)
I’ve gotten very affectionate towards Jess, I really have.  Even if sometimes she’s making terrible Jason life decisions, I just… can’t help but like her.  That’s an easy path to nicknaming.  (That, and Jessica is one of the most readily nicknamable names for girls that I know.  She’s not a Jessie, though.  Nope.)

5. Inara Serra (Morena Baccarin, Firefly)
Less so when typing, but I definitely do drop the I sometimes, so it’s just ‘Nara.  (Then again, I drop all manner of letters [and specific grammatical structures] when I get excited at times, I’ve been told.  Depends on the subject, but.)

4. Daenerys Targaryen (Emilia Clarke, Game of Thrones)
In part because even in the books it’s so, in part because, as pretty as it is, Daenerys is sometimes just too much to type or text or something, and in part because I just like to, she becomes Dany an awful lot.

3. Willow Rosenberg (Alyson Hannigan, Buffy the Vampire Slayer)
Either Will or Wills.  I don’t know what it is about some names and adding that completely unnecessary, adorable ‘s’ on the end.  But either of them.  Often.

2. Joan Holloway (Christina Hendricks, Mad Men)
Even though it gets confusing if I’m talking about Mad Men and Deadwood in the same conversation, I call her Joanie all the time.  Usually with some added endearment (Joanie my baby, Joanie my love, just my Joanie).  Now we’re just talking about fictional women I shower with affection all the time.

1. Bennett Halverson (Summer Glau, Dollhouse)
Speaking of affection.  As if it weren’t outrageously obvious, as if I didn’t just do it a few nights ago, as if I don’t do it always.  She gets called Bennie so damn much.  Both ’cause it’s cute and ’cause I love her more than I really should.

ETA, even though it brings it up to 12 ladies on the list, but once I realized I hadn’t included it, that needed to be fixed:

Drusilla (Juliet Landau, Buffy the Vampire Slayer)
I think part of why I didn’t think of it originally is that honestly, just Dru feels so normal, not even nickname-y.  It happens all the time.

–your fangirl heroine.

Sundry Sunday :: the ‘I didn’t know I’d love you so much’ 5 list

Def.: Actors and actresses that appeared in media from my childhood/adolescence that ended up being much more significant in my media life now.  Not people like Anna Paquin that I never stopped loving and being aware of; people who sort of disappeared from my radar for a while, then became very relevant again.

5. Alexa Vega

(First seen here in Spy Kids, then in Repo! The Genetic Opera.)  Let’s just not mention the debacle-except-for-one-minute-of-Summer-Glau that is Sleepover, because I never liked that movie, so it’s not relevant.  Spy Kids was my jam when I was, well, a kid (and in a way, a different kind of “I didn’t know I’d love you so much” for Robert Rodriguez).  Alexa Vega in general doesn’t matter a whole lot to me, but Repo is for sure my jam now.  And that the little spying kid girl grew into “I have a blood disease” Shilo Wallace, who sings the line that the title of this list is from?  That’s pretty rad.

4. Vincent Kartheiser

(Here seen in All I Wanna Do and Mad Men.  And in the interim, he was on Angel.  So that’s rad, too, I guess.)  All I Wanna Do is a silly, straight-to-video movie about a girls’ boarding school in the 1960s.  I loved it deeply.  Even though it was ridiculous.  In it, Vincent Kartheiser played the townie boy who courted one of the boarding school girls; now he’s love him/hate him/love him/hate him again Pete Campbell on Mad Men.  I don’t love Pete by any stretch of the imagination.  But he is a fascinating character.

3. Ben Foster

(Here seen in Flash Forward, and then just in real life.)  I remember watching Flash Forward on the Disney channel as a kid.  I don’t remember a single detail about it, but I learned that it starred not one but two people I adore.  First off is psycho darling Ben Foster, who I think is wonderful in any role he does.  Even as gratuitously shirtless flying guy in X3.  Especially as the crazyass in 3:10 to Yuma.

2. Jewel Staite

(Here seen in Flash Forward and in a photo shoot from recentish times.)  The other star of Flash Forward was, apparently, my baby Jewel Staite.   And that makes me very happy.  I wish I remembered a damn thing about the show, I really do.  I also want to find recordings of it to watch some day, because I’m sure it was awesome.  And I wanna know if tiny me related to her on that show like big me does to Kaylee on Firefly.  I think tiny me was a little Whedonmafiapsychic or something.

1. Eliza Dushku

(Here seen in Bring it On and a Dollhouse promo shot.)  As I’ve before mentioned.  I loved Bring it On to an unhealthy degree.  And I was peripherally aware of Eliza’s career between then and my Great Whedon Revelation, but it wasn’t the same.  She was my favorite in Bring it On, and I love her in Buffy and Dollhouse now.  (Even if Buffy was technically before Bring it On, I wasn’t aware then.  So yeah.)

–your fangirl heroine.

Sundry Sunday :: my urban dictionary: hamsters drunk

Def.: (As per Firefly, 1×07, “Jaynestown,” wherein Kaylee [Jewel Staite] and Simon [Sean Maher] are drunk and have the following discussion:

Simon: You know, I’ve saved lives. Dozens. Maybe hundreds. I – I re-attatched a girl’s leg. Her whole leg. She named her hamster after me. I got a hamster. He drops a box of money, he gets a town.
Kaylee: Hamsters is nice.

And it’s funny.)  That tipsy, silly stage of drunkenness where you’re giggling at everything, slightly incoherent, and very positive.

Usage: After a night of the Twilight drinking game, it’s very easy for everyone in the room to get hamsters drunk.  As seen below, because this is a true story.

–your fangirl heroine.

Television Tuesday :: 10 actors and actresses with amazing facial reactions

Recently while watching Glee (well, Mercedes isn’t pregnant, so my ultimatum didn’t come to be; I’m thinking of making another one, because at this point continuing to watch just feels like I’m wasting my time and making myself way too cranky, but I haven’t been able to yet, because I am terrible at stopping watching things in the middle), I was liveblogging it (except not really, because I was just writing notes on paper so the people around me didn’t want to punch me), and I wrote this down: “I would watch 45 minutes of Jayma Mays’ facial reactions to things.”  It wouldn’t have to even be facial reactions to audible conversations.  I could just watch her face be ridiculous and adorable and expressive all over the place while other off-screen people presumably talked and instrumental music played or something. Then I realized that I could watch this for many, many people, and a list was born.  A list that is 60% Whedon actors, this go-round, but I think this is almost inevitable.

10. Jayma Mays (here pictured as Emma Pillsbury in Glee)

The approximately three minutes of onscreen Emma time per episode constitute one of the only reasons I don’t completely hate that I can’t look away from the train wreck that Glee has become yet.  Those three adorable minutes make up for so much painful.  I like to watch Jayma react to people and pretend she’s somewhere else making those adorable faces at someone more interesting.

9. Nelsan Ellis (here pictured as Lafayette Reynolds in True Blood)

Have I mentioned this before?  Well, not in the “45 minutes straight of Nelsan Ellis face” context exactly, but pretty much.

8. Amy Acker (here seen as Claire Saunders in Dollhouse)

Remember the confusing Claire feelings?  Yep.  I’ve seen some pictures of Amy in Angel, and she was adorable, but since I haven’t seen Angel (well, any of her episodes) I can’t feel qualified to comment.  Instead?  Some pictures of Claire!Amy being expressive and stuff.  (In case you haven’t picked up on it or don’t, I have a thing for elaborate eye rolling faces.)

7. Nathan Fillion (here seen as Malcolm Reynolds in Firefly, Captain Hammer in Dr. Horrible, and Richard Castle in Castle)

This man has some of the most amazing facial reactions on the planet.  And a lot of the funny ones were in the background of a conversation, and therefore the caps weren’t as high-quality, but here’s a nice range of amiable and cocky and know-it-all.

6. Alyson Hannigan (here seen as Willow Rosenberg in Buffy the Vampire Slayer)

Ditto the comments re: Amy and Angel as to why I didn’t pull some Lily Aldrin of How I Met Your Mother in here.  I’ve seen a few episodes, but not enough.  And Willow face is my favorite face.  She is my original could-watch-this-forever face.  At least of recent years.

5. Timothy Olyphant (here seen as Seth Bullock in Deadwood and Raylan Givens in Justified)

Timothy’s face is often intense and glowery, as per the first picture, but he can smirk and pout with the best of them, too.

4. Summer Glau (here seen as River Tam in Firefly, Cameron Phillips in Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles, and Bennett Halverson in Dollhouse)

Yes, this is the most predictable list of all time, but really?  I feel like I just want animated gifs of every facial expression reaction series this woman ever makes.  She can say so much with individual looks.  Shocked, emotive, passive, happy, sad, dangerous, knowing, vulnerable, badass, shy, silly, all of it.

3. Bill Hader (here seen in various Saturday Night Live sketches)

This man is one of the best parts of SNL.  No matter what he’s doing, he’s making the greatest faces of all time.  Even if — especially if — he’s just in the background.  Sometimes the entire point of a sketch seems to be to let him make progressively more absurd faces, and I’m good with it.

2. Morena Baccarin (here seen as Inara Serra in Firefly)

She has every facial expression, and her vulnerable ones are rarer but beautiful and poignant and all that, but she can just make the greatest snark faces of all time, too.  Pure eye rolling vitriolic doom faces, smirky know-it-all faces.

1. Fran Kranz (here seen as Topher Brink in Dollhouse)

The predictable continues, but I am unashamed.  I always love him, but he’s earned the number one spot this week with the release of the trailer for The Cabin in the Woods – I didn’t have caps of it, and anyway it’s a film so not relevant to Television Tuesday, but he was making brilliant faces the entire time.  The trailer is like 1/4 his brilliant faces.  And really.  I can never get tired of his expressions.

–your fangirl heroine.

Television Tuesday :: 5 ladies who are literal life ruiners

literal life ruiner [lit-er-uhl] [lahyf] [roo-in-er]

Def.: a character who, through their actions, ruins the life of one or more other characters (or attempts t0).  Not to be confused with the colloquial tumblr definition of “life ruiner” (which is “someone who constantly ruins your life with their perfection, and smiles while they do it,” as seen here).

5. Claire Saunders (Amy Acker, Dollhouse)
I have very confusing feelings about Claire as a whole.  She fascinates me, and for most of the first season I really did like her.  Meta-Claire wasn’t nearly as cute as, say, meta-Mellie (Miracle Laurie), and sleeper Claire… well, really it’s only sleeper Claire that’s the life ruiner.  It’s not Claire-the-mostly-realized-imprint-person’s fault that she was programmed to shoot Bennett (Summer Glau).  Even if there was a weird I-don’t-even-know-what undertone to Claire’s interactions with Topher (Fran Kranz) that made it make a little teensy bit of sense in a way.  It’s the fault of goddamn Boyd (Harry Lennix).  But since this is a lady list, and since Claire’s body was the one pulling the trigger, well.  I’m pretty sure there was a reason Topher wouldn’t take his meds from Claire when it was the future and he was crazy.

4. Nandi (Melinda Clarke, Firefly)
I also have confusing feelings about Nandi.  She’s lovely, and arguably one of Inara’s (Morena Baccarin) closest friends, and she does seem to feel genuinely bad about having slept with Mal (Nathan Fillion) once she realizes Inara’s feelings for him.  But not all literal life ruiners are intentionally so, and Nandi set in motion a disastrous happening that could very well have sunk the Mal/Inara ship, as it were.  Imagine if Serenity hadn’t happened, for example.  We wouldn’t even have the hope of their maybe admitting their feelings to each other that it gives, all because what happened at Nandi’s made Inara turn tail.  It’s not Nandi’s fault, but she almost ruined whatever hope of happiness they might have in each others’ lives.

3. Amy Madison (Elizabeth Anne Allen, Buffy the Vampire Slayer)
Now, Amy starts out a monster-of-the-week plot, and it could be argued that her mom almost ruined her life, but like the magicks, it seems to run in the family.  Amy accidentally wreaks havoc on every woman in Sunnydale with that pesky love spell, then turns herself into a rat, but these are fairly harmless incidents.  No, her literal life ruining is in season six, when she becomes un-ratted and she enables Willow’s (Alyson Hannigan) magical drug habit.  It’s her fault that Willow gets involved with magical drug dealer Rack (Jeff Kober) and it’s her actions that make it harder and harder for Willow to quit the magicks.  She even curses Willow in season seven, out of little more than jealousy, and apparently she becomes a full-fledged Big Bad in the comics.  It’s because of Willow’s magic addiction that she almost loses her friends, does lose Tara (Amber Benson) for a while, and almost ends the world; it’s because of Amy that the addiction is even worse than it already would have been.

2. Maddie (Alice Krige, Deadwood)
The relationship between Joanie (Kim Dickens) and Maddie is never fully explained, but it’s clear they knew each other before Maddie came to camp.  She brought with her some girls, so she and Joanie could open a classy brothel, the Chez Amis, but she ended up enabling the murder of two of the prostitutes in her employ (Doris [Erica Swanson] and Carrie [Izabella Miko]) at the hands of Wolcott (Garret Dillahunt).  Maddie is fully aware of Wolcott’s tendencies, but he’s paid her well, so it doesn’t matter.  She then gets murdered by him herself, leaving poor Joanie to clean up the mess in the literal sense and in the sense of what her life has become.  And Joanie doesn’t recover until the Chez Amis becomes a schoolhouse and she can see that she’s done something worthwhile and not destructive, so her life is also ruined for a while there.

1. Gaia (Zuleikha Robinson, Rome)
Woman strong-arms her way into Vorenus’ (Kevin McKidd) employ and makes eyes at him and at Pullo (Ray Stevenson).  Pullo is with Eirene (Chiara Mastalli), who was once a slave girl of similar social status to Gaia, but now, being Pullo’s woman, she’s been raised up.  The two are antagonistic.  Now, the rational thing to do would be to accept it and go about having her relationship with Mascius (Michael Nardone).  Bitch away.  But Gaia chooses instead to give Eirene abortion drugs, unbeknownst to her.  These drugs then kill her.  That is pretty literally a life being ruined.  And Pullo’s, too, since even if she gets into his bed, Eirene is his only love.

–your fangirl heroine.

Fictional Friday :: 10 fictional doppelganger collections

…and if they would get along with each other.  Numerical ratings 1-10 for how well the getting along would go.

10. Lea Michele (Wendla Bergman, Spring Awakening; Rachel Berry, Glee)

Wendla would be so intimidated by Rachel.  Rachel’s far too brassy and loud and histrionic; Wendla’s been raised to be very polite and demure.  And after a while, she’d start to think that Rachel was a little bit mean, I think.  Mean and self-centered.  Rachel would be all “Clearly, you’re the most [something], why aren’t you more important?” and Wendla would be all “Because I don’t want to be?  I just want to discover things about life without dying.  Oh wait.”
Rating: 3

9. Michael Cera (Nick O’Leary, Nick & Norah’s Infinite Playlist; Scott Pilgrim, Scott Pilgrim Vs. the World)

Really, I think these pictures say it all.  These two aren’t exactly the same, exactly, but they’re similar enough that it would be either a catastrophic meeting of like minds or the beginning of a beautiful friendship.  I hope for the latter. They could swap bass lines, Scott could teach Nick about the magic of sweatbands and video game-style combat, they’d talk about how sometimes all you want to do is hold someone’s hand and sometimes all you end up doing is cuddling.
Rating: 9

8. Kat Dennings (Norah Silverberg, Nick & Norah’s Infinite Playlist; Max Black, 2 Broke Girls)

Really, the same sort of thing.  These two are both snarktastic babes with idiot child blonde best friends named Caroline, they have lots to bond over.  Norah is slightly less hard-edged than Max is, and the whole “Norah coming from money” thing would be a little awkward at first, but she’s not annoying about it, so that wouldn’t be awkward for long.  Max could teach Norah about proper brassieres, and it would be much less awkward than if some gay boys taught her that lesson.
Rating: 7.5

7. Timothy Olyphant (Seth Bullock, Deadwood; Raylan Givens, Justified)

These two may be sheriffs similarly, and they both shoot lots of people people similarly, but that’s about as far as they get.  Seth is overly polite at times, and he’s not a womanizer; Raylan’s brash at times and slightly sarcastic, and he’s fond of the ladies at times.  They could have one of those weird friendships that’s also antagonistic, and they would go to the shooting range and tell weird (my brother’s)ex-wife and (junkie)(criminal) girlfriend stories.  They would roll their eyes at each other a lot, but that’s okay, because they’re both good at it.
Rating: 6

6. Maggie Siff (Rachel Menken, Mad Men; Tara Knowles, Sons of Anarchy)

These two maybe wouldn’t be best friends right off the bat, but they certainly wouldn’t have obvious problems with each other.  Neither of them are exactly the “OMGLOL best friends” type, but they’d have respect for each other, even if Rachel would roll her eyes at Tara’s outlaw life and Tara would awkwardface about Rachel’s love choices.  Rachel’s a woman in the business world in a time where women weren’t there, really, and Tara’s a helpful legitimate doctor in a world where everyone’s decidedly… not legitimate.  But they’d be able to get along.
Rating: 5

5. Christina Hendricks (YoSaffBridge, Firefly; Joan Holloway Harris, Mad Men)

Now this would be disastrous.  Joan would be frustrated as hell with Saffron’s weakling act, and her manipulative bitch thing would frustrate her in a different way.  Meanwhile, YoSaffBridge would be rolling her eyes at Joan’s entire world.  “You mean you’re really marrying that man for love?  Really?  That man didn’t want to be with you on your own conditions, and his conditions were decidedly against what you wanted, and you think that’s love?  You’re marrying him for the financial stability, honey.  Don’t try to pretend that’s any different.  Maybe less mercenary, but it’s the same principle.  Don’t even try.”  They would be snarking at each other in the worst way.
Rating: 2

4. Alan Tudyk (Hoban “Wash” Washburne, Firefly; Alpha, Dollhouse)

This would also be kind of disastrous.  Probably because Alpha meeting anyone who’s not also a psychopath or sociopath is a really terrible plan.  Alpha might actually be kind of intrigued, in an “awww, you’re so sweet and unassuming” kind of way, but it would end in “and oh by the way I intend to steal your brain so I can learn how to fly spaceships, kthnx.”  Wash would be really unnerved by Alpha, though he’d try to be polite about it; he’d crack wise, and Alpha would think that was also endearing, but it just… wouldn’t end well.
Rating: 3

3. Summer Glau (River Tam, Firefly; Cameron Phillips, Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles; Bennett Halverson, Dollhouse; Skylar Adams, Alphas)

So.  These four all have the “slightly unnerving genius” thing in common.  River is the overly emotive mind-reading dissociative type; Cameron is the under…ly emotive robot not-that-tactful type; Bennett is the most straightforward hyperbrilliant type; Skylar is probably the most properly sociopathic, edgy one.  (And I do realize that Skylar was on one episode, an episode of a show that I don’t otherwise watch, but.)  None of them would know what to do with each other.  Cameron would be very confused as to why they all had the same face and she would probably try to figure out if the others were robots too.  Skylar would try to figure out how Cameron’s robotics worked, and succeed, of course.  River would be tripped out and panicky.  Bennett would be really, really intrigued by River’s brain, but when River flipped out on her for trying to maybe investigate, and Cameron had to tell her to please stop asking about amygdalas, she’d probably be able to limit herself to asking too many questions and trying to figure it out based on that and on logical deduction.  None of them would be able to give each other any useful life advice, because they all sort of suck at being socially “normal” in their own ways, but Cameron would say awkward slang phrases that she’d heard used and try to make it make sense.  Skylar would be itching to get out of this weird dimensional intersection, because she’s got other things to do, okay?  Eventually River would make with the awkward niceties in her way and try to be sweet to Bennett somehow, and Bennett would be really thrown off by it, but eventually she’d get over the “who is this girl with my face and what is she talking about” thing and accept the offers of something resembling friendship.
Rating: 6.5

2. Sarah Michelle Gellar (Buffy Summers, Buffy the Vampire Slayer; Siobhan Martin and Bridget Kelly, Ringer)

This encounter would try Buffy’s patience so very much.  She’d be trying to accept them as not being evil, because they’re both not technically evil, but she’d be wanting to punch them both in the face after fifteen minutes.  She’d want to punch Siobhan for being such a duplicitous, manipulative bitch; she’d want to punch Bridget for being so dense and naive even despite all of her worldly experiences.  They’d both probably think Buffy was too much of a goody-goody in one way or another, though Bridget would try to respect her intentions.  Siobhan would just be rolling her eyes and making the ultimate bitchface.
Rating: 2.5

1. Anthony Stewart Head (Rupert Giles, Buffy the Vampire Slayer; Nathan Wallace, Repo! The Genetic Opera)

This would go so wrong in so many ways.  At first, they’d feel like they had something in common: they’re both protective, intelligent types.  Then the “I keep my daughter locked up in her bedroom” and “I kill people for a living” things would come out, and Giles would flip.  “How can you think that’s the best for her?!?  How can you allow that… that old man to force you to murder people?  It was seventeen years ago, man.  I understand your need to grieve for someone, I’ve lost someone I love before.  But you should be able to rise above it.  You’re a smart fellow.”  To which Nathan would be saying things like “Yes, well, just because we look similar doesn’t mean that you understand me.”  But he’d secretly know it was all true.  He’s just not the receptive-to-constructive-criticism type, so nothing would come of it.
Rating: 3

–your fangirl heroine.

Fictional Friday :: 10 more cross-canon crack friendships that should be.

This is still ridiculous.  But it still happens in my head.

10. Kate Gregson (Brie Larson, United States of Tara) and Jessica Hamby (Deborah Ann Woll, True Blood)
I don’t even know.  Kate would be doing her stewardess thing and maybe, since this is some demented alternate universe, she’d be stewardessing for one of those vampire-friendly planes.  I don’t even know why I feel like these two would get along; they’d be really easily frustrated with each other, but I think they both need a girlfriend, and they could appreciate each other’s existences.  Kate would of course big sister it, they’d swap crazy family and crazy love life stories, it would be good for them.

9. Anya Jenkins (Emma Caulfield, Buffy the Vampire Slayer) and Pam de Beaufort (Kristin Bauer van Straten, True Blood)
Sure, there would be that moment where Anya’s going, “Oh, you’re a vampire.  That’s potentially bad and I might have to slay you if Buffy isn’t here,” and Pam’s going, “Fat chance, sugar,” but once they got past that awkwardness, I feel like these two would really get along.  They both have that same sarcastic sense of humor that tends to permeate their very existence.  Anya doesn’t always know how to “be human,” Pam ignores the concept of playing nice entirely.  They’d be over in the corner snarking all the time, Anya would give Pam unwanted business tips re: Fangtasia, Pam would roll her eyes at everything Anya said, they’d have a system.  It’d be that friendship where you argue all the time to show you like a person, but that’s how Anya and Pam both operate.

8. Faith Lehane (Eliza Dushku, Buffy the Vampire Slayer) and Sweet Pea (Abbie Cornish, Sucker Punch)
They’re both resistant to friendship, yes, but they both need someone.  Since neither of them is prone to graciously accepting anything, and both of them are super-tough and can take care of themselves, they’d be a good pair, I think.  Sweet Pea would get out of the institution and she and Faith would go on an epic redemptive ass-kicking mission all around the country, defending themselves and others from assholes both supernatural and normal.

7. Adelle DeWitt (Olivia Williams, Dollhouse) and Rupert Giles (Anthony Stewart Head, Buffy the Vampire Slayer)
These two.  Oh, man.  They went to college together, I can just see it: they were neighbors, and they hated each other for at least six months, but it was that hating that grows into “we’re actually well suited to be friends.”  (They maybe tried sex once or twice, too, but that just wasn’t gonna happen.)  They occasionally wrote each other over the years, and they were amused when they realized they were both eventually stuck in California.  They’d have phone dates where they were wry and sarcastic and vague about their lives, and they’d both be drinking while they did so, ‘cause Giles would only think to call Adelle when he was heading down the road to drunkenness (which would amuse her, not that she’d ever say so).

6. Topher Brink (Fran Kranz, Dollhouse) and Willow Rosenberg (Alyson Hannigan, Buffy the Vampire Slayer)
Largely thanks to this.  Topher and Willow both understand the whole “oops, almost ended the world/accidentally ended the world” thing, and they both understand watching bullets hit the love of their lives right in front of them.  Theirs would be a friendship based largely in mutual commiseration; also a mutual tendency to occasionally make situationally inappropriate pop cultural references and to say things that go over everyone else’s heads.

5, 4. Kim Pine (Alison Pill, Scott Pilgrim Vs. the World) and Max Black (Kat Dennings, 2 Broke Girls) OR Ivy (Liza Lapira, Dollhouse)
Kim needs more girl buddies.  In the comics there’s Lisa, who I adore, and she’s friendly with Ramona (Mary Elizabeth Winstead), yes, but it’s not a close relationship.  Kim and Max would just be having these endless sarcasm battles forever, wherein they openly despised everyone and everything around them.  They’d bitch about all of the people they have to be consistent for, they’d bitch about all of the idiot children populating their lives.  They should be pen pals.  Then they could just write pages and pages of “by the way, this is ridiculous” rambling about their lives and vent to each other.
Kim and Ivy would get on for that same “why are we so consistent” reasons.  Ivy needs more girl buddies, too; she needs a place to go “WHY IS EVERYONE AROUND ME INSANE?” and “WHY DO THEY UNDERVALUE ME SO MUCH?”  Kim would understand that.  She feels undervalued, too, and she’s not inquisitive enough to ask Ivy questions about exactly what it is that she does for money, which Ivy would appreciate.  Ivy’s occasionally sarcastic, too, even if she doesn’t always go as obvious about it.

3. Alpha (Alan Tudyk, Dollhouse) and YoSaffBridge (Christina Hendricks, Firefly)
I can’t even explain how much I want this criminal partnership to exist.  (And there’s a part of me that’s sure that YoSaffBridge is a composited Doll, or she could be… which would be even better.)  Between the two of them, they probably know every single thing about crime, period, and they could pull off such epic crimes.  Alpha would encourage her to expand her efforts beyond conning various men, and they’d travel throughout everywhere killing people and stealing from them and being sadistic nutcases.  And it would be beautiful.

2. Tara Knowles (Maggie Siff, Sons of Anarchy) and Simon Tam (Sean Maher, Firefly)
DOCTOR BUDDIES.  These two would meet at med school, and since he’s not a creep who wants in her pants, and she’s not annoying, and they’re both hyperprofessional at times, they’d form a sort of working friendship that would be consistent and good.  And since they’re both livin’ the outlaw life now, because this is some universe where the crew of Serenity is in modern times or the Sons are in the future (they totally run their own planet), they’d help each other out.  If the crew raided some hospitals, Simon would call Tara up and be like “Hey, we’ve got some drugs, you need any?”  If the crew needed some emergency medical help and they were by the planet that the Sons run, Tara would be right there to offer something that they didn’t have, special surgical tools or something.

1. Shosanna Dreyfus (Melanie Laurent, Inglourious Basterds) and Erik Lennsherr (Michael Fassbender, X-Men: First Class)
All I can say is that this epic Nazi-hunting party needs to happen.  Now.  (Also, if this is happening, can I just say that Shosanna should have pyrokinetic powers?  She should.)  They could go around Europe killing Nazis that deserve to die and wearing snappy vintage clothes, Shosh would teach Erik about films, they’d speak every language together, it would just be beautiful and perfect and messed up and amazing.

–your fangirl heroine.