Well, I apparently have. And my friends and I, we’re the kind of people that make our cocktails and cupcakes and sit around amidst piles of Christmas tree ornaments that we really should be using to decorate and discuss things like this. And, of course, I thought you all would be interested to see how it would play out here!
I will begin by saying that this would be a film about the Peanuts characters as twentysomethings. We didn’t discuss what would have taken place in their lives between their cartoon childhoods and now; we did discuss that the guy from Wilfred would maybe play Snoopy, for obvious dog reasons, but nothing was really finalized. And Woodstock was even vaguer. The adults would still woh-woh-woh-woh, but they’d be played by adult actors: Allison Janney, Seth MacFarlane, people with a sense of humor.
Now, the main cast:
As Charlie Brown himself, we have (of one of my friends’ suggestions, not my own) Patrick Fugit. Because we figured real life Charlie Brown wouldn’t just have three strands of hair. Patrick can do self-deprecating and not flashy and still a reasonable focus of a story.
As Linus van Pelt, we have Jim Parsons, of Big Bang Theory fame. This was a suggestion of one of my friends, also, and it’s a wonderful one.
As Lucy van Pelt, we have Kat Dennings. ‘Cause Zooey Deschanel just isn’t snarky enough, but it had to be one of the two of them.
As Sally Brown, we have Vanessa Bayer, late of Saturday Night Live. (You know. She’s the featured cast member who gets to be hilarious and adorable, or straight-manning and adorable.) She’s just got that cute little round face and giant smile, and she’s not too cool to be Sally. ‘Cause really, Sally’s a teensy bit of a dork. Originally I was thinking Kristen Bell, but then I realized I was thinking Veronica Mars era Kristen Bell, who was adorable, but is not present tense, so.
As Peppermint Patty, whose last name is apparently Reichardt, we have Clea DuVall. Or, as described by my friend, “you know. That one girl, she was in The Faculty and she was invisible on that one episode of Buffy, and –” “OH YEAH,” I immediately interrupted. Weirdly enough, I’d actually had that thought not three days prior to this discussion: I wasn’t casting in my head, but I was watching A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving like the sap I am (this happened Thanksgiving weekend) and I thought “Clea DuVall would be an epic Peppermint Patty.”
As Marcie, who doesn’t have a canonical last name, we have Ellen Page, here seen in Whip It just to remind you of what she’d look like with glasses on her face. (Precious.)
As Schroeder, who is also sans last name, we have Jonathan B. Wright. We wanted a blond who actually possessed musical talent, and while I don’t know about Jonathan B. Wright’s specific piano skills? He’s got a musical background. So that counts for something. Schroeder was the hardest to cast.
As Pig-Pen, who doesn’t even have a proper name name, we have Joseph Gordon-Levitt. Because Pig-Pen grew up nice. And he’s probably some scruffy hipster now, being all wise in the corner.
As Franklin, we have Damon Wayans Jr., aka “that one guy who was in the pilot of New Girl, then vanished, and is Damon Wayans’ son.” Yep.
As the little redheaded girl, we have Emma Stone. See, and this is where my generation is confused. Because Freida is the only redheaded girl who appears in A Charlie Brown Christmas, but apparently there was a different redheaded girl? I’m just going with it and saying she’s Freida, because Freida was actually there.
–your fangirl heroine.