Whedon Wednesday :: sexuality and Firefly

One of my very favorite things about Joss Whedon is that his works deal with human relationships in a way that a lot of media doesn’t.  I’m not saying this necessarily to criticize other media, but he’s way the hell more daring than a lot of, for example, network TV shows are when it comes to issues of interpersonal things.  Unsurprisingly, one of the most obvious interpersonal things he handles so damn well is sexuality.  It’s not really the (I hate to use the term cookie cutter, but cookie cutter) kind of sexuality you see on a lot of television.  The relationships have more depth than that, and the handling of sexuality as an abstract concept is refreshing.

So tonight, I dissect Firefly and sexuality.  Point by point, ish.

Companions.
The idea of a Companion owes a great deal to the old tradition of geishas in Japanese society and other such things.  The notion that it’s as much about culture and refinement as it is about sex.  But the idea that a Companion chooses her own clients, well, that’s… kinda revolutionary.  In most media and probably in real life, you have the notion that a whore (which a Companion is not, but) just sort of screws anyone who’s paying.  Whether the person paying is good, bad, abusive, cruel, creepy, kinky, whatever, the idea that well, they’re paying, so she’ll have to go with them, is prevalent.  As is the notion that if they’re getting paid, the whore doesn’t have much a right to complain.  Well.  The existence of Companions pretty much slaps that in the face.  Sure, they’re being paid for sex, but if someone’s sketchy or mean or crass or just not to their liking, they don’t have to set up the appointment.  They still get to make their own choices, and they aren’t run by a pimp figure or some such.  Sure, the Companion’s Guild can gēn hóu zǐ bi diushi, but not because of the way that it abuses its power over the women.

Inara (Morena Baccarin) and sex philosophy.
As a Companion, Inara does in fact get paid for sex.  But as she makes abundantly clear on many fronts, she does choose the clients, and the point she makes in “Jaynestown” about how she came for Fess (Zachary Kranzler) but if his father the magistrate (Gregory Itzin) had asked her to come for himself, she’d have turned it down, is interesting.  She may be getting paid for sex, but she’s still looking for some sort of spiritual… well, perhaps not compatibility, but tolerability, I suppose, in the people she has sex with.  Though the points she makes about sexuality throughout the series and film are fascinating, I actually think “Jaynestown” is one of the most telling episodes in regards to the wisdom she brings to the metaphorical table.  I almost shrieked with relieved happiness the first time I watched the episode and she said to Fess, “It’s not embarrassing to be a virgin. It’s simply one state of being.”  I’m not saying we should all be virgins.  I’m not passing judgment on sexuality.  But at the same time, I feel like in the media, you get two very polar opinions about virginity: either I AM BEING PURE AND HOLY (which is plenty good for you, but) or I AM SO ASHAMED I AM GOING TO LIE ABOUT MY VIRGINITY AND TRY TO LOSE IT ASAP.  And that one bothers me.  I think it’s sort of amazing that Inara, of all people, is the one to point out that sex, while very nice at times, is not the end-all be-all.

Oh bi the way.
Inara also does something that is honestly exceptionally rare for television.  Though she primarily takes male clients, she does take female clients as well, as seen in “War Stories” with the Councillor (Katherine Kendall).  This is not an I kissed a girl kind of thing.  This is clearly something that Inara has chosen to do not for shock value but for that sense of kindred-spirit-ness, and she is very open about it.  “If I choose a woman, she tends to be extraordinary in some way. And, the fact is, I occasionally have the exact same need you do. One cannot always be oneself in the company of men,” she states.  Her attitude towards bisexuality is remarkably healthy.  Very often in television or film or really any media, if a character is gay there has to be the Big Discussion About Gayness.  And seeing a character who is legitimately not at one end of the Kinsey scale or the other, not just getting with their own gender to be shocking or getting with the opposite to hide things, is even rarer than a lack of that Big Discussion.  As can be said for her attitude towards virginity, Inara’s attitude towards bisexuality is refreshing.

Wash (Alan Tudyk) and Zoe (Gina Torres).  The discussions with/about Mal (Nathan Fillion).
I did my big happy rant on Wash and Zoe’s marriage already, but I’m going to take this time to discuss the interesting not-quite-triangle, also during “War Stories.”  This is not the only time we see Wash’s discomfort with Zoe’s role on the ship, or Zoe’s discomfort with Wash’s perception of her femininity, but it is the most significant; Wash’s apparent jealous feelings regarding Zoe and Mal’s relationship and the nature thereof come to the forefront, and in this, the characters all deal with this situation.  Wash feels Zoe is too loyal to Mal (“no, what this marriage needs is one less husband”) and speculates about whether or not they had a sexual relationship during the War.  When Wash acts out and insists on taking Zoe’s role on their mission and he and Mal are kidnapped, we see, too, the conversation between Wash and Mal on the subject.  Wash idly says that he almost wishes Mal had slept with Zoe, to get it out of both of their systems (an interesting notion, though not necessarily based in fact — torture can make people say funny things).  But later, when Mal (jokingly) declares his intention to act on Wash’s torture-induced suggestion, he and Zoe are just so damn awkward with each other about it, which proves that, yes, a man and a woman can have a close, loyal friendship that goes back many years without there being an ounce of sexuality to it (a rare concept of itself).  And then Wash pulls Zoe off, because they’ll be in their bunk.

Actually, Zoe and Wash just have a healthy sex life, period.
I mentioned this last week, but it deserves to be said again.  They’re not sex-crazed, they’re not I AM ONLY HAVING SEX BECAUSE I HAVE TO, they’re just… in love.  They’re very much in love, and aside from the instances in “War Stories” their marriage is stable, and that’s rare enough in media as well.  And it’s nice.

You know who else has a healthy attitude about sex?  Kaylee (Jewel Staite).
Her introduction to the ship, as seen in flashback in “Out of Gas,” was sexing the original mechanic Bester (Dax Griffin).  But even when they’re caught by Mal, her reaction isn’t shame.  Maybe a little well, this is kinda awkward, and she turns around to pull her dress back on, but she’s perfectly open about what they’ve been doing (“I seen the trouble plain as day when I was down there on my back before,” she says cheerily, in regards to the engine).  She’s not too bothered by it.  Sex is just a part of life, after all.  (Also notable is Mal’s willingness to look past her sexual behavior and to the brilliance she has towards machines; not entirely unusual, but it’s certainly refreshing that he didn’t just go okay, out, now, too.)  And let’s just take a moment to talk about one of the single funniest lines in Serenity, shall we?  Lamenting her lack of sexual experience with Simon (Sean Maher), Kaylee sighs, “Goin’ on a year now, I ain’t had nothin’ ‘twixt my nethers weren’t run on batteries!”  Now, references to female masturbation aren’t unheard of in fiction, but they’re certainly rare.  And more often than not, it’s something the woman does but isn’t about to talk about, especially in the company of men.  But Kaylee, Kaylee’s just going to put it all out there.  She doesn’t need to lie about it or be coy, it’s just a fact of life.  It’s just the way it is.  Later yet in the film, when Simon confesses mid-pre-battle that he’s “always regretted… not being with you” to Kaylee, she’s quick to exclaim, “With me?  You mean to say… as in sex?”  While some women might be, again, coy about it, Kaylee’s straightforward.  And there’s no shame or hesitance when, upon confirmation of this, she declares, “Hell with this.  I’m gonna live.”  This, too, allows them to be just about one of the only Whedon couples with a happy ending, when we see them at the film’s end, and they’re, yes, having sex in the engine room.  There’s no pretense, just refreshing honesty.

Speaking of that sex in the engine room, let’s talk about River (Summer Glau) and voyeurism a minute.
I’m not advocating voyeurism by any means.  But during two separate instances (“Objects in Space,” with Wash and Zoe, and the end of Serenity during the engine room sex) do we see River spying on trysts amongst the crew.  Yes, it’s a little bit of a crazy creeper thing to do, especially the engine room bit; during “Objects in Space,” we get the feeling she’s stumbled on it and isn’t entirely comfortable, but her observing Simon and Kaylee is very clearly intentional.  But it’s good for a giggle, and it brings up an interesting point.  While River may not be having any sex herself, she’s gonna be curious.  She’s a seventeen year old girl, she has a right to be.  And it’s not exactly appropriate to be curious in such a fashion, but when you can read minds, there has to be a little leeway, doesn’t there?  Babygirl’s just trying to figure it out.  While she could definitely find a better way to do so, curiosity is healthy, too.

Jayne (Adam Baldwin) screws whores.  A lot.  Whoo.
Well, he does.  But despite the fact that he’s crass and not really that nice of a fellow, he’s not a bastard to the whores he’s screwing, at least?

YoSaffBridge (Christina Hendricks) uses sex as a weapon.  A lot.  Whoo.
Also worthy of noting.  It’s not like this is particularly rare or unseen in fiction, but it’s still interesting to observe.  Especially regarding Durran Haymer (Dwier Brown) and the possible regret she may have towards weaponizing her sexuality with him.

The Heart of Gold.
Inara’s old friend Nandi (Melinda Clarke) left the Companion’s Guild years ago.  And again, this was not because of it being a bad situation in that way, but she just didn’t care for the lifestyle.  Of course, she didn’t much care for the life out on the border, either.  Upon reaching the moon (of Deadwood, I note with a giggle) she learned that the Heart of Gold, the available whorehouse, “was a dungheap.  Run by a pig who had half the girls strung out on drops.  There’s no Guild out here; they let the men run the houses, and they don’t ask for references.  We didn’t get along.”  So even though she left the Guild, she still wasn’t about to let her girls (or boys, as Kaylee observes; “isn’t that thoughtful?”) get bossed around and abused, by pimps or by clients.  It’s interesting to observe the one interaction in the series that is so completely Standard Fictional Whore Lore, between Rance Burgess (Fredric Lehne) and Chari (Kimberly McCullough) — though he’s planning on taking the child that’s thanks to his sperm from Petaline (Tracy Ryan), another of the whores, he still insists that Chari, who has been spying for him, give him oral sex in front of his angry mob because “Chari here, she understands a whore’s place, don’t she?” and because he wants to “remember, right here and now, what a woman is to a man.”  The only Standard Fictional Whore Lore instance in the series is perpetrated by an obvious villain, and clearly shown as Not Good Behavior.  And that Nandi is willing to insist that the baby is Petaline’s and stand by that conviction, not allowing Burgess to go all male-dominance?  Well, it’s not entirely surprising.  But it’s still pretty awesome.

Finally, let’s talk about Mal and Inara and sex.
They never actually have sex.  As much as everyone may want them to.  I mean, we can all hope that when Mal asks her if she’s going to leave at the end of Serenity and she says “I… don’t know,” that’s really code for and then a respectable amount of time passed, and they finally had sex, but we’ll never know that for sure.  (GORRAM YOU TO HELL FOX ET AL.)  What can be finitely observed, though, is Mal’s attitude towards Inara’s profession.  It’s a recurring theme, and presumably one of the things keeping them apart.  But (though Mal is clearly a bit prudish about it, and Inara does make fun of him for it in her polite way) the most telling thing is the dialogue they exchange during “Shindig.”

Inara: “You have a strange sense of nobility, Captain.  You’ll lay a man out for implying I’m a whore, but you keep calling me one to my face.”
Mal: “I might not show respect to your job, but he didn’t respect you.  That’s the difference.  Inara, he doesn’t even see you.”

Mal doesn’t feel there’s anything wrong with calling Inara a whore all the gorram time, but at the end of the day, it’s her and not her profession that he’s concerned with.  In his eyes, Atherton Wing (Edward Atterton) wasn’t treating Inara like a person, he was treating her like an object or some such, and that’s where he has difficulties.  Mal’s the type to treat things he’s not entirely comfortable with flippantly, but when he cares about someone, he cares about someone, and he clearly cares for Inara.  Even though this (sadly) is never manifested in an actual confirmed relationship, this is evidenced in the way he defends her to others.  And that’s sort of beautiful, in a sad angst-inducing unfulfilled fantasies kind of way.

–your fangirl heroine.

Television Tuesday :: this week, it’s premieres.

Showtime gave way to the seventh (!) season of Weeds this week.  Nancy (Mary-Louise Parker) is out of jail, three years later, and has been abandoned by the FBI but is considered “safe” as her drug kingpin husband Esteban (Demian Bichir) is dead.  (We’ll see how safe she ends up being.  My bet is not, because that would be boring, and Nancy will never be safe from anything, ever.)

She’s in New York now (hurrah for cityscapes) and staying at a halfway house run by Counselor Ed (Anthony Williams).  I haven’t decided yet whether his tendency to make up rhymes is funny or mildly aggravating.  I’m hoping the former, but we’ll see about that, too.  Her baby Stevie, now three-ish, is in the care of her sister (Jennifer Jason Leigh) and who knows, that’ll probably cause the drama too, since Stevie only knows her as “Aunt Nancy” (and that always causes the drama).

Meanwhile, Andy (Justin Kirk) and Silas (Hunter Parrish, yummier than ever with dark hair) and Shane (Alexander Gould) and Doug (Kevin Nealon) are living their amusing overseas life in Copenhagen.  Andy’s a bike tour guide aiming to be involved in the government of a miniature country (?).  Silas is a male model.  Shane has, inexplicably, grown up into a cougar-hunting… marionettist?  I’d have been all right with a bit more of their amusing overseas life, but it looks like they’ll be coming to New York now that they know Nancy’s been released.  Of course.  And as usual, Shane is the only sensible one (although it’s his less-than-sensible idea to come to New York).  But he’s far more logical than the rest.  I swear, were it not for his homicidal streak, I’d put that kid on my list of kids I hope my theoretical future children turn out like.

Though apparently, Michelle Trachtenberg will be appearing for two episodes as a rival pot dealer in the Big Apple who hooks up with Silas?  Sexy time with Silas is something I’m always okay with.  And I’m sure Nancy will get involved in some other relationship that’s terrible for her.  She already had some sexy time in the big house, with her Russian cellmate (who left her a key to a suitcase full of… grenades?  I’m looking forward to seeing how that plays out).

This provides a good transition to my discussion of True Blood‘s season premiere, allowing us no Game of Thrones withdrawal that is not easily satisfied by other HBO goodness.  And, epic.  I can already say that this eason is looking to be amazing, but I used the in-house lesbian lovin’ to transition because apparently Tara (Rutina Wesley) is now a cage-fighting lesbian who goes by Tony?  Well, men have kinda screwed her over, and cage-fighting lesbian Tony is less of a whiny bitch than Tara.  So hopefully, this is a change for the better?

More importantly, though, Sookie’s (Anna Paquin) going to the fairy realm at the end of season three is quickly revealed to have been a crappy plan.  The fairy world is not so cool.  And if you don’t eat their light fruit, they turn into… goblins?… and bad ensues.  Bad that means a fairy who is presumably Claude has to spirit Sookie and her inexplicably young grandfather back to Earth before the goblin-fairies go medieval on their asses.  Who knows.  (Considering they didn’t get to the fae wars until the ninth book, Dead and Gone, and we only got the on-Earth portion, I’m sort of up in the air about how they’re gonna handle this.  Goblin-fairies were pretty epic though, and I … usually like the TV show a little better, anyway, so I’m hopeful.)

Sookie feels like she’s been gone hardly at all, but it’s been more than a year in the real world.  Whoops.  Her house has been sold and bought by a mysterious real estate company (it turns out this real estate company is Eric [Alexander Skarsgard] and considering he as deep, sexy feelings for Sookie, this is probably going to be all right, especially when witch-amnesia kicks in and makes what I affectionately refer to as Doll Eric happen).

Bill (Stephen Moyer) is now the Vampire King of Louisiana.  Well, okay, then.  Bill is a bastard-ass prick, so he’s well-suited to the vampire monarchy.    A lot of vampire politics are now in play, considering it is, as Nan Flanagan (Jessica Tuck) says, “a post-Russell Edgington world.”  (Well, it’s not like they were gonna carry that big bad over, especially since he’s concrete-ensconced, presumably, but Russell was definitely my favorite of the True Blood big bads so far, so I’m hoping Fiona Shaw’s Marnie ends up as epic.)  These vampire politics require, among other things, the most epic PSA I have ever seen on television, first epic because of Pam’s (Kristin Bauer van Straten) snark and inability to play nice and then because of Eric’s people-pleasing smarm and amazing smiles of sex.

(Yes, I, like many others, have been seduced by Eric Northman.  I am fully Team Eric.  I am unashamed of admitting this fact.)

Later we get more Pam snark in her dealings with baby vamp Jessica (Deborah Ann Woll, more adorable than ever) and her urging for Jessica to stop playing housewife for her human boyfriend Hoyt (Jim Parrack) and go out there and vampire-live a little, dammit.  Pam exemplifies what is epic about non-guilty vampires.  She’s not ashamed of what she is, and while that would make for the bad in the real world and from a Scoobyish standpoint, it makes for much better television.  I’m looking forward to more epic Pam time in coming episodes.  (That’s one of the reasons I think I’ve enjoyed season three most so far — more Pam.  She’s easily my favorite.)

And the whole thing wrapped up with Neko Case and Nick Cave doing a cover of “She’s Not There,” which for those of you who know oldies by lyrics and not title, is the one that’s like

Well no one told me about her
The way she lied
Well no one told me about her
How many people cried

And I’ve always loved this song, more since the Malcolm McLaren “About Her” cover of epic on the Kill Bill Vol. 2 soundtrack, but this version is sexier than ever.  And I’m not just saying that because it’s True Blood, or because I adore Neko Case, but hot damn.  If the rest of the season is gonna be this lustworthy, count me the hell in.

– your fangirl heroine.

Music Monday :: 11 songs that sum up the past school year

I used to do end-of-school-year/summer mixes, but then I realized that there would be some songs that would just sort of… keep turning up repeatedly, and they got way too random.  Way too sporadic.  But this isn’t a mix, this is just a list of tunes that this school year (September-a couple of weeks ago – I like having time to reflect on this sort of thing) has found me around a lot.  And yeah, plenty of them are fanmixy, but considering the prevalence with which I listen to those, that’s no surprise.

11. White Rabbit (Emiliana Torrini, Sucker Punch OST)
I kind of adore this whole soundtrack.  It was my jam at many lunchtimes, because when one is embracing the semi-antisocial life and spending their lunch breaks on their laptops (at least over in a corner with sunlight… mostly because that was where the electrical outlet was and I cannot run my baby on battery for more than half an hour before she gets twitchy) one might as well pull on their big-ass headphones and blast vaguely industrial soundtracks to movies about whores and insane asylums and ass-kicking repeatedly. But this song always sticks out for me. It could be just that I like the song generally, or that I adore Emiliana Torrini anyway.  And she absolutely rips into it.  Especially the third Alice, the

Go ask Alice, I think she’ll know

How she sustains that last word.  Or it could be that, that, I dunno, the song gives a nice crazy girl vibe.  And sometimes it’s fun to go a little mad.

10. You Will Be Mine (The Narrative, The Narrative)
A reasonably recent addition, but I cannot say how many times I adore this song.  It’s freaking sexy.  And I have a soft spot for songs that I heard first live, because every time I listen to them, I remember the concert, and the lights, and Susie Zeldin’s little be-bopping-ness…es (?) and, well, all of it.  And on repeated listens, the part that’s all

And don’t ask what this ring is for
I’ve yet to realize

Well, vocally, it’s absolutely insane.  It’s so crazy passionate.  And I love passion.

9. Right in the Head (M. Ward, Post-War)
Which could account for why I lust for this song so hard.  The passion of it.  I like that it’s a song, yes, about… slight moments of crazy.  M. Ward is one of those men that I don’t particularly find super physically sexy, but that voice… man.  Voicecrush ahoy.  Especially during:

‘Cause I lived with many ghosts when I was younger
And I will live with many ghosts until I go

I’m really not sure why.  (I’m afraid that’s a theme that will recur here.  A lot of these songs are more songs I have vague attachments to than anything else.)

8. Go Away My Lover (Elizabeth and the Catapult, The Other Side of Zero)
And here’s another one of those tl;dromfgseeeeeexxxxxyyy tracks.  I’m pretty sure the first time I heard this track, it literally took my breath away.  (I can count the number of songs that have legitimately done that on one hand.)  Elizabeth Ziman and Dan Molad’s voices on this song.  AUGH.  The complete way it comes to such a climax and a stop.  The instrumentation.  The duetty nature of it.  The lyrics.

Oh I will give you one last kiss
If it will put your heart to rest

The way she sounds on those lines just.  Every single time.  Incoherent incomplete sentences.  So phenomenal.

7. Going Through the Motions (Sarah Michelle Gellar, Buffy “Once More With Feeling” soundtrack)
Blah, blah, boring personal emotional blah.  But I can also say that this is the year that I am finally progressing in Buffy and now this song (and the whole episode) has Way More Context!  And that makes me happy.  I mean, I got it before, but I get it now, I guess?

Will I stay this way forever?
Sleepwalk through my life’s endeavor

Also, epic car trip singalongs and epic at-the-gym motivational mouth-alongs have bumped this up in the ranks a lot.  (And trufax, as they say, I was so very torn between this and “Rest in Peace,” if just because I have a wicked crush on Spike [well, up until about "Seeing Red."  Then I get kind of fussy with him.  But he can probably redeem himself probably?] — but those blah blahs made this win out.)

6. Rox in the Box (The Decemberists, The King is Dead)
As if I needed another excuse to tl;dr about how much I worship the Decemberists.  How much I love this album.  How much I fangirl.  But this song especially.  I love it because it’s got that classic Decemberists quasi-creepy-yet-also-not thing going.  I love it because Colin Meloy really gets into it.

So while we’re living here
Let’s get this little on thing clear
There’s plenty of men to die, you don’t jump your turn

I mean, the whole song is sort of… thrilling.  With his voice.  But for some reason I adore that part especially.  Yeah, be looking for this track to appear on an as-yet-finalized fanmix in the future.

5. The Hush (The Spring Standards, Would Things Be Different)
Yes, yes, I know, I’ve mentioned this one before, too.  But oh dear sweet lord.  When I hear this song, I just want to dance (pardon the being in Spanish).  I just get so damn happy.  Which is… a little weird, if you really listen to the lyrics, but hey.

And I will bury every thought
Of the way the moonlight laid upon your skin
But the threads unknown don’t hold the sheets above your sin

But it’s just such a jam.  There’s so.  Much.  Fiddle.  So much twangy perfection.  And anyone who dares to deny that this song makes them at least want to tap their toes or something is lying.

4. Patriarch on a Vespa (Metric, Live it Out)
I know, I said there would be a lot of fanmixy tracks.  I wasn’t kidding.  But this song is classic Metric, and considering how much I love Metric, well.  It’s kind of perfect.  I listen to this song on the mix it’s on (“Engagements,” if you remember) and I listen to this song on the album it’s on and I listen to this song when it comes up on shuffle pretty much… any time.  It’s one of my gym jams.  And I love mouthing the lyrics along while treadmilling or biking, just because I’m a weirdo and like to do that.

Until our faces all resemble dying roses
Stop trying to fix it

Emily Haines is a goddess of song.  She’s especially perfect on this track, I think.

3. Smarter (Eisley, The Valley)
I could get exaggerative and put, oh, that entire album on this list.  But for some reason, this has always, always been one of my favorite tracks.  It’s fierce but not ragey, aggressive but not over-the-top.  It’s freaking empowering is what it is.  And it’s good for chill moods and workout-y moods alike.  Songs like that are precious to me.  And damn, Sherri, way to tear into it.

And I apologize for not telling you
That my halo was cut from paper

Also, any songs that contain the words “apocryphal,” “futile,” and “narcissist” (replete with mythological allusions) are winning songs in my book.

2. Remains (Maurissa Tancharoen and Jed Whedon)
More with the fanmixy, yes.  Also with the heartbreaking and the I watched this video late one night on YouTube and almost actually literally cried (and that’s magically rare for me; usually I just hyperventilate, which I also did a bit).  Also with the tie-ins to pop culture clearly being a big winner for me.  Also, after downloading it off iTunes, I taught myself the piano to it.  By ear.  Which is something I hadn’t done in a while, missed doing, and love doing.  And I’m really freaking proud of my ability to do it.  Not that it’s probably that hard of a song, but still.  Also, I can actually sing (most of) this song.  This is a rarity.

Burn down my home
My memories hardened and bright as chrome

Besides all that, it’s just a beautiful song.  Definitely my depressing track of choice this year.

1. Black Sheep (Metric, Scott Pilgrim Vs. the World OST)
Not too surprising there’d be two Metric songs here.  Especially since one of them is this one.  This is somewhat of a holdover from the late summer preceding, but I can safely say this song has been played on my iPod more than… almost anything.  It’s my number one jam of all time.  It’s my phone ringtone, it’s a song I am physically incapable of skipping, it’s a song I like to pretend I can sing in the shower when I feel brave enough to sing in the shower, it’s pop culture, it’s fierce.  As hell.

I’ll send you my love on a wire
Lift you up every time everyone pulls away

I like to hold this song as a goal for how fierce I aim to be in life.  If I can be as fierce as this song, it is a good day indeed.

–your fangirl heroine.

Superlative Sunday :: 5 Tonyfails since I started paying attention

5. The existence of the 2010 season.
Seriously.  Watching the Tonys last year, I couldn’t even make myself root for anything.  I just didn’t care.  I mean, I’m sure American Idiot is fun, but like three of the four Best Musical nominees of 2010, it’s a jukebox musical.  I’m sure they’re all very good at being what they are.  But I just… couldn’t care.

4. Jersey Boys winning Best Musical over The Drowsy Chaperone (2006)
Drowsy isn’t a perfect show.  I’m aware of this.  But it’s very cute, and it’s 100% original.  Unlike Jersey Boys, which is… not.  It’s a jukebox musical.  And have I mentioned how much I abhor that trend?  Honestly and truly?  And it’s not even jukeboxing someone whose music I can stand.  Because, come on, what drives you nuttier than Frankie Valli’s voice?  I know in my case, nothing.

3. Spamalot winning Best Musical over The Light in the Piazza (2005)
Not because Spamalot isn’t cute, I guess?  I mean, it’s fun.  It’s frothy and whimsical and has lots of Monty Python in-jokes.  But Piazza is in my Top 4 of shows of all time.  It’s probably not something everyone’s gonna be into, but it’s beautiful.  It’s genuine.  It’s not trying to be anything more than a story of people and a moment in their lives.  And the score is insanely phenomenal.  Again, probably a little too operatic for some people’s tastes.  But seriously intensely amazing.

2. Billy Elliot winning Best Musical over Next to Normal (2009)
Now that I’ve seen Billy Elliot, I can say it’s… good.  I mean, it’s a pretty standard Broadway Show Full Of Songs And Dance.  It’s decently written, and when the performers are good, it’s solid.  But Next to Normal… well, very few things have hit me as square in the chest as Next to Normal have.  It’s a genuinely unique experience in musical theatre.  It’s raw, it’s (yes) electric, it’s poignant, it’s quirky.  And it, again, is original.  Completely.  (Can you tell that I have a bit of a soft spot for Sincerely Original Musicals?  I do.)

1. David Hyde Pierce (Curtains) winning Best Actor over Raul Esparza (Company)
Holy mother bitch.  I will never stop being bitter about this.  And I’m sure that David Hyde Pierce did a passable, adequate job of filling the Generic Broadway Man shoes in Curtains.  I’m sure his performance was very acceptable.  I’m sure that for a television actor it was even a bit surprising.  But come on.  Even before I saw the broadcast via PBS of Company, just based on their performances that night at the Tonys, Raul Esparza owned.  His “Being Alive” remains one of the most chilling theatrical moments I have ever witnessed.

–your fangirl heroine.

Sarcastic Saturday :: if you’re going to do something, do it right.

I suppose this can be true of real life.  Probably, it is.  But I’ve been on a rant lately about fiction and how this applies, so here goes.

If you’re writing a story, or a film, or a television show, or a comic book, or a play, or an anything, commit to whatever the hell it is you’re doing.  Just commit.  Don’t go halfway into the land of weird, then twirl around in circles and retreat.  Don’t say you’re going to do something on the back of the box, then sort of hint at doing it without completely achieving it.

If you’ve decided that dammit, your story is going to be dark, then make it dark.  Don’t make it dark for a minute, then conveniently deus ex machina your way out of it and end happily.  Commit to sad endings if that’s what you want to do.

Commit to ridiculousness.  Don’t just go sort of weird, maybe, if you look at it from a certain angle, then try to dress it up all normal and happy and regular.  Go full-on camp if you have to, and do it with a smile.  It can be a sarcastic smile, one that says “isn’t this nutty?” but it can’t be one that says “oh god you don’t think I’m weird do you?”

Commit to tone.  It can be a ridiculous tone, or a morbid tone, or a tone that says “this is bleak and average and doesn’t life make you want to slit your wrists?” or a tone that says “I’m actually happy today!”  Don’t get mixed up.  Your story can change, yes, but it shouldn’t change so much that the people reading or watching or performing it can’t figure out what their message is.

Just.  Just commit, okay?  I think a lot of people nowadays, creative types or regular people in their regular lives, are afraid of committing.  I’m not saying you have to commit to a certain person, but you should know yourself and what message you’re trying to get across, in your personal life or in your art.  Otherwise it will just confuse people.

–your fangirl heroine.

Fashion Friday :: it takes a special person to pull this off and not look costumey, but hey.

I’ve always adored Tara.  She’s a really solid character, and pretty much always a good person, and lovable, and adorable, and I’m rambling a little ’cause I’m sort of mourning her this week.  So how better to commemorate her than use the internet to recreate her wacky early-2000s collegiate Wicca girl next door style?

Tops are good places to start.

It’s got a funky pattern, but it’s still gonna be comfortable playing background if it’s got to.

Now, I know the top layer in the picture is a button-up, but this sort of just gave me the same feeling.

Imagine it unbuttoned over that blouse and I think it’d do about the same job.

And of course, you cannot have Tara without a long skirt.

Yep.  Quintessential Tara.

And I… sort of haven’t the slightest about her shoes most of the time, but I feel like I remember there being sandals, and it’s hard to do a long skirt like that and do dramatic shoes, so this seems like a good option.

Pretty reasonable, I think.  They seem practical-ish, but still a little whimsical.  Which is very appropriate, I’d say.

So.  Yes.

–your fangirl heroine.

Theatre Thursday :: that cast of Company that was filmed recently was pretty rad.

You know the one.  Or maybe you don’t, because you’re very likely not as nutty as me, but it was the one with Neil Patrick Harris as Bobby and Christina Hendricks as April and Patti LuPone as Joanne and Stephen Colbert as Harry and Martha Plimpton as Sarah and Anika Noni Rose as Marta and Jon Cryer as David and Aaron Lazar as Paul and Jill Paice as Susan and Jennifer Laura Thompson as Jenny and Katie Finneran as Amy and Chryssie Whitehead as Kathy and Jim Walton as Larry?

Okay.  I fully admit to hearing Neil Patrick Harris and Christina Hendricks and vowing to do whatever I had to to see the broadcast performance in theaters during its brief run last weekend, because his facial expressions make life and she is my favorite human being on the planet.  Then during the Tonys, there was that preview number, and I said “oh hey!  All sorts of other epic people!”  I especially geeked for Aaron Lazar, once of The Light in the Piazza, because I adore his heavenly voice to pieces.

Company isn’t my favorite musical, necessarily.  It’s very of its time, and that’s… not always a good thing.  It can also get a teensy bit heavy-handed in the wrong hands, a bit too angst-ridden and frustrating.  (Not that the angst isn’t great.  Raul Esparza’s should-have-been-Tony-winning Bobby in the 2007 revival was glorious.)  And I definitely have to be in a certain headspace for Sondheim.

But I was very not disappointed.  Neil Patrick Harris’ Bobby was less >:O and more :3 and that was refreshing.  Not better or worse, just different.  Chryssie Whitehead can dance, damn girl.  I mean, this is not surprising, as she is late of A Chorus Line (we missed her just barely when we saw the revival) but it was still well-highlighted.  Considering she was the girlfriend that got the Dance Break!  Anika Noni Rose, of Dreamgirls and The Princess and the Frog and other legit-er things, was good.  I didn’t get much a sense of character out of her (she was the ~wacky~ one?) but she belted well.

Of the married women, my favorite was Katie Finneran’s Amy.  She’s a two time Tony winner (for Noises Off and last year’s Promises Promises revival) but my favorite role of hers is as Nanny Maureen in You’ve Got Mail, just one of the reasons that I’m pretty sure after 2000 there were no lovable romantic comedies made.  “Getting Married Today” is probably one of the hardest theatre songs to really sing, and she did it really, really well.  (Counterpointed by Aaron Lazar’s glorious “todaaaay is for AAAAAAAAAMYYYYYYY”-ing.)

Patti LuPone was amusing.  I sort of loathe the character of Joanne, and as always spent the entirety of “The Ladies Who Lunch” alternately remembering back in that not-that-great movie Camp when a young Anna Kendrick sang that song and wondering how in the hell Bobby and Joanne became close friends.  But Patti did a good job.  (Though we were in a movie theater, some people still felt compelled to applaud for La LuPone, which was funny.)

Stephen Colbert can actually sort of pull it off.  Despite having a vaguely google-eyed O_o look on his face the entire time.

But most importantly, my girl Christina.  Well, babygirl isn’t necessarily the strongest singer, though she was cute and clearly doing a “voice” (a cutesy voice really) and could hold her own, but she was dancing sharp and being adorable.  April is probably my favorite character of the women anyway, just because she has a lot of funny moments.  I love my girl Christina playing ditzy, I love her playing sexy, I love her playing serious-ish, I just love her.  And was gratified by having yet one more reason to love her added to my list.  (I’d been hoping this staging would be the one a la 2007 where the actors played instruments, if just because I love her accordion skills.  Even if accordions are the most useless instrument ever, outside of European House Hunters.)

In short: I’m satisfied.  It wasn’t the Best Ever, but it was very good.

–your fangirl heroine.

Whedon Wednesday :: 5 reasons Zoe Alleyne and Hoban Washburne were the most perfect married couple on television. Period.

5. General sappy lovey-dovey type things.
We didn’t get treated to too much lovey-dovey, because Zoe (Gina Torres) and Wash (Alan Tudyk) weren’t necessarily that sort of people.  But during their moments alone, we got all sorts of cute but not too cute love banter, all sorts of sexy banter, all sorts of ways of them saying that they loved each other more than anything in this ‘verse.  Theirs was a love to aspire to, man.

4. Repping the interracial couple thing without making a big deal of it.
Actually, without making a deal of it at all.  There were plenty of discussions of Zoe and Wash being strangely matched.  Plenty of reasons why (Zoe was too tough; Zoe was cold; Zoe didn’t like his mustache when they first met; Wash was too goofy; Wash was too soft; shipboard romances complicate things).  Never once was the fact that Zoe is a woman of color (Torres is Puerto Rican and Cuban in real life) and Wash is very caucasian made an issue.  Now, this may not seem like that big of a deal.  It’s a wacky and open-minded world!  Except for the fact that even nowadays almost every interracial couple that’s seen on television or films or theater or anything (and there aren’t that many of them) has to, at least once, have the “we’re interracial” discussion.  A friend once linked me to a Firefly fan film online, and while it was… decently done, I guess, there was a point where Wash was having to discuss with Jayne where Zoe was.  (Presumably, the group of kids making the movie didn’t have any friends who could have played Zoe.)  Wash said she was off visiting her family, and Jayne asked why Wash hadn’t gone with.  “Oh, I know, she hasn’t told ‘em you’re white,” he cracked.  It probably says something that that’s about the only detail I remember of the movie, mostly because it struck me as so out of character.  Not for Jayne,  necessarily, he makes stupid jokes like that.  But for the ‘verse.  For Zoe and Wash as a couple.  It isn’t and shouldn’t be a big deal, one way or another.  It was never made a deal of, and I admire that so much.

3. When they did fight, it was usually about reasonable things, and not over lickety-split easy, but it always got resolved.
(I think I’ll take this moment to acknowledge how sad it makes me to have to put this discussion in past tense now.  It makes me very sad.)  They bickered about things like gender roles and safety and how loyal Zoe is to Mal (Nathan Fillion) or babies.  They didn’t bicker about “oh, you should tuck your shirt in” or stupid things like that.  It wasn’t not always Zoe starting the argument out of being a nagging shrew (stereotype A) or Wash starting the argument out of being an idiot (stereotype B).  The arguments evolved naturally out of sincere concerns one or the other had.  They didn’t hold onto fights when it’s stupid to; they could be mature enough to put it behind them and deal with more pressing concerns.  And they were mature enough to forgive each other, too.  They didn’t hold grudges, and the fights were never petty.  That is a genuine rarity nowadays in fictional couples, especially married ones; the assumption is that when you get married, stupid petty arguments are just par for the course.  But their arguments were always legitimate, and usually decently thought out, and always resolved like adults.

2. Gender roles!
Well, all of the Firefly women are feminist icons in a way, but Zoe is one because she is woman, hear her roar.  She is a soldier and a badass one at that.  She is strong, she is capable.  But even being strong and capable and badass, she wants to eventually have that family with the man she loves.  (It seems like there’s a clear either-or in a lot of fictional women: either you’re independent and badass or you’re a breeder.  You can’t want both, and if you do want babies, all your street cred flies out the window.  Now, that’s simply not true.  Babies for babies’ sake is silly.  But wanting a family with the person you love is a perfectly legitimate choice, and you can still be a badass and have a baby at the same time.)  Wash was gentler.  Not exactly feminine, but, well, he was the one staying back with the ship, sighing and worrying while Zoe was off shooting folk.  This is not to say he wasn’t a badass in his own right, because he was.  A brilliant pilot, perfectly capable in battle when he needed to be.  But he was happier creating than destroying, usually.  It’s easy to say that Zoe’s the one that “wore the pants,” but I think that honestly, they were on a pretty equal ground with each other.

1. Did I mention how much they rutting loved each other?
How they used pet names (“honey,” “lamby-toes,” “my autumn flower”).  How they admired each other in every possible way, from Zoe loving Wash’s sense of humor to Wash’s tangent about Zoe’s legs to  their mutual need to go off and be alone sometimes.  Not too much, but enough for happily married folk.  How they’d have done anything for each other and just about did.  Wash’s reactions to Zoe’s injury during “Out of Gas.”  Zoe’s lightning-quick choosing Wash during “War Stories.”  Their sweet bedroom banter during “Shindig.”  The easy way they had of cracking wise at each other always.  Zoe’s reactions to Wash’s death in Serenity.  The heartbreakingly perfect fact of Zoe’s being (as per comic canon) preggers at Serenity‘s end, so she’ll still have a piece of him.  Beautiful.

–your fangirl heroine.

Television Tuesday :: two very different finales this week.

Last night was the United States of Tara series finale.  And I will begin my review of it by saying: Kate Gregson (Brie Larson), I am so proud of you.  Over the seasons, Kate has grown so much, and she hasn’t lost the things about her that make her awesome and adorable, but she’s grown from a wacky teenager to a trying-to-find-herself young woman making videos of Viking princesses sitting on cakes to a responsible legitimate woman woman.  And that, that is beautiful.

The finale saw Tara (Toni Collette) finally committing herself to an institution for a few months, and husband Max (John Corbett) driving her off.  Though the alters had all allegedly been killed off, we did see the originals (T, Alice, and Buck) sitting in the back of the truck, worse for wear but still functional, and that was funny and sort of cute; well, we’d like to believe it would be that easy for Tara to get rid of them and be better, but she clearly is going to have a journey ahead of her when it comes to fixing her life.  And Max is going to have a journey ahead of him trying to be there for her, too.

(I’d just like to put it out there, I cannot help but imagine the meeting of the minds that would be the Gregsons meeting the Goodmans of Next to Normal.  Tara and Diana would be terrible for each other but very possibly they’d get on, Max and Dan would have so damn much to talk about, Kate and Natalie would be instant besties.  It would be kind of beautiful.)

Marshall (Keir Gilchrist) was going to Houston with Charmaine (Rosemarie Dewitt) and Neil (Patton Oswalt) but now that Kate’s staying home and staying with him, he’s staying home.  Moosh sort of got angsty this season, and I do understand that completely.  I mean, I miss happy gay friendly Marshall, but it’s not like he doesn’t have a right to angst.  And I was grinning like a fool when Charmaine proposed to Neil, because that, that was cute and adorable.  I’m rooting for those two and their only-responding-to-Wheels-and-Chinese-swear-words baby.

Overall, it was a good finale.  Did I want there to be more?  Well, sure.  But they closed it well.

On the other hand, HBO’s Game of Thrones.  Last week they did the unthinkable and killed off Eddard Stark (Sean Bean), the protagonist, biggest name in the cast, and first listed in the credits.  Even for HBO, that’s ballsy.  This week was a lot of wishing that people would just get theirs, even though they obviously can’t because they’ll have to be around next season.  (I’m praying Joffrey [Jack Gleeson] dies a vicious death eventually, because that little incest baby is too twerpy and evil to live.  I know we were all begging Sansa [Sophie Turner] to push him off that ledge.  Babygirl deserved her revenge.  But ’tis not to be.)

Jon Snow (Kit Harrington) is off to go fight winter zombies now, and that, that is way epic.  Obviously it’s more important than his family’s war with the Lannisters, because if the white walkers come and eat our flesh and brains, it won’t matter who‘s a Stark and who’s a Lannister and who’s a something else entirely.  Also, his direwolf gets to go with.  And those wolves are amazing.  One of my favorite things about the show, really, those wolves.

And deposed-but-not (?) Khaleesi Daenerys Targaryan (Emilia Clarke) is just epic as hell.  She got the only satisfying deserved revenge in the episode, on that witch lady who screwed her Khal Drogo (Jason Momoa) and her dragon baby over and on her (former?) constituents.  Burning her alive at her husband’s funeral pyre, then burning the eggs open, only to reveal, OH CRAP, BABY DRAGONS.  Which were both badass and adorable.

I’m giddy excited for next season.  Get here soon, please.  I mean, after True Blood and Boardwalk Empire and however many other HBO Sunday night things, of course.  But still.

–your fangirl heroine.

Music Monday :: my thoughts on Codes and Keys

So I’m trying this new thing.  I’m listening to the album, Death Cab for Cutie’s newest, for the first time as I write this.  Stream-of-consciousing it a bit.

So, this is pretty standard Death Cab, so far.  I don’t mean that as a slight; I love what they usually do.  I love Ben Gibbard’s voice, I love their hints of genres combining into one big indie melting pot of love.  With the noticeable but not overwhelming drumbeats, the faint quasi-techno buzz that could go full rave if it was amped up but as is creates ambiance, the lyrics that aren’t particularly average, but at the same time not freakish what the hell.

Good intro, “Home is a Fire.”

And now onto the title track.  Cute piano.  Cute Ben Gibbard voice, dear lord Zooey Deschanel you’re a lucky woman.  That the cover of this album, presumably going with said titular track, is a giant number key from a computer keyboard, well, it’s one of those things that sets my geeky heart aflame.  Death Cab is perfect music for nerdlove.  They always have been, they always will be.  They’re reliable.

“Some Boys.”  Now a serious business drumbeat, an audio-ly enhanced echoing sound almost, I’m digging on this.  You hear girls sing about other girls and how they can or cannot love a lot, but somehow I feel like it happens less with boys?  So this is welcome.

Now “Doors Unlocked and Open.”  I sort of love the instrumental build-up.  I love that these guys have such amazing instrumental build-up, and that they really take the time to craft it, that it’s not just “I’mma throw some power cords together before the epic verse and chorus and verse” like a lot of bands.  It’s a minute thirty seconds in before the vocals come in.  And that’s beautiful.  Jam out, man.  This is beautiful.  Have I mentioned lately how much I love Ben Gibbard’s voice?  It’s not perfect, but it’s perfect to me.  It’s exactly what it needs to be.

“You Are a Tourist.”  Vintage guitar, now.  I’m not sure why it sounds vintage, but it so does.  These guys always have a nice touch of vintage about them, but it’s not trying to be too much like any one old thing.  It’s doing old things in a new way.  More word-echoing, always love.  Also, fire metaphors re: love, I’m a fan.

“Unobstructed Views.”  Another monster intro, which I am digging on.  This is more piano and less guitar, and being a weird sucker for indie piano, I am content.  More than three minutes in before the singing kicks in this time round, and he’s doing that cool (again echo-ish) thing where he sort of sounds to me like he should be in space or something.  Vaguest description ever, I know.  When Ben Gibbard sings the word love, he makes me want to be in love.

“Monday Morning” has a fun 8-bit video game sound to the intro bars.  Is it demented that I think of things in such terms?  Probably.  Hey, grind that guitar in, electrify it, man.  This is an ode to geek girls, whether they meant that or not.

And now “Portable Television.”  Oh-oh-oh-ing, drumbeats, cute lyrics.  I’m again happy.  So far, this album is making me very, very happy.  Which I’m not surprised by, but earlier Death Cab albums (Plans, Transatlanticism) sort of bum me out in a good way.  This is just boppy happy delight.

“Underneath the Sycamore.”  Oh, the way Ben just sang “underneath the overpass” is classic, I’m so happy.  I like when bands experiment with different things, but I like it when bands are secure enough that they keep finding new and interesting ways to grow on their sound that aren’t too earth-shatteringly weird.  “A vengeful heart,” “your darkest rooms,” “find our peace.”  Beautiful.  Such pretty sounds coming out of that man’s mouth.  “We are the same, we are the same,” I love this band.  I love them so, so hard.

“St. Peter’s Cathedral.”  I adore when songs are at least in part about a 85/15 ratio of vocals to instrument.  I mean, I love instruments.  But I love when vocals just sort of get to hang out and shine.  And then the instruments kick in a little more, and a little more, and it does that cool building thing.

“Stay Young, Go Dancing.”  This is cute, this is sweet, this is just… aw.

And I’m the OCD fan who has to get things off iTunes with bonus tracks, so, “Portable Television” demo.  I love demos, always.  I don’t know why, but I just do.  That it’s not perfect is something awesome.  “Some Boys” demo, same goes.

Yep, overall pretty perfect Death Cab bliss.

–your fangirl heroine.